Almost 3 years without sex. Suicidal Thoughts

he was right though... he was giving you good advice

 

Hey mate! I have been on NoFap (hard-mode) for almost two years now and although my sexual experience in life so far is very limited (to say the least), it has been the happiest and best two years of my life so far (for sure) and I have noticed that the longer the streak has passed, the more I have detached myself from sexual- and lustful thoughts the more have I automatically detached myself from the perils of:
Neediness, approval-seeking, toxic people, negative thoughts, thought patterns and the opinions and others. I am now starting to build up the life of my dreams (regarding career, friends, family relationships) and for every week, I feel better, more satisfied, and at peace than I have ever done, despite being single and without any sexual contact at the moment.
What I am trying to convey is that you (together with the laws of the Universe) are your own creator of personal happiness, material abundance, great relationships and you will never need another person to feel complete or fulfilled. That sense/feeling of completeness has to come from the inside and as soon as you let go of any anxieties, concerns, grudges, grievances, neediness, and approval seeking, magic things will start to happen in your own life.

 

Hi all again,

My email was shut down because of censorship ( democratic Greece, my ass)
Im racc00n.

Really ?? He meant never again. He said: i will make you a monk, you motherfucker. You will see girls and you fall on your knees crying.
I started something like an anti-scam initiative and found their contact details. I will publish everything about him on the internet. Do you think such revenge will help me take the "black magic" out of my head ?? (i'm still afraid it's got me).
Only one thing helps me keep my hopes. The fact that i have not done any IRL approaches. Only online. The new year started without social anxiety and slightly being myself. I used to "be an actor arround beautiful girls" until recently. Who knows?? I will start sexual psychotherapy with hypnosis and see what comes next.

That is indeed the first step, but i have tried it and nothing changed. Rejections went on. Currently, im studying the NOCEBO effect and habit reverse training. Exposure therapy goes next. However, 5 minutes ago i fapped again. I only stayed off, for 4 days cause i went to my village with family and there wasnt much privacy. Anyhow, Let's keep encouraging each other here.

Last notice:

I have figured out that the problem is something like "compulsive negative pattern installed in my brain" or "faulty subconscious programming" (if i have to explain it better i will try).
While i have a positive mindset, it's like negativity invades my mind and persuades me that negative = normal and positive + confidence = "too big idea about self". I have improved since my last post, lost weight, and trying to go out more but all my friends are in relationships, so hunting is no longer a common adventure. The suicidal thoughts have currently subsided with help from quitting coke and Cipralex (escitalopram), an SSRI antidepressant, but i dont wanna be on it for life. The dry spell hasn't been broken yet, but i didnt have an actual chance to go for it. My friends left and i didnt feel convenient to stay at the bar alone and talk to the girl company i met.