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To date or not date during recovery

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by vegaspoet34, Jan 3, 2020.

  1. vegaspoet34

    vegaspoet34 Fapstronaut

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    So, I got on Facebook dating on Christmas because some friends of mine have encouraged me to pursue someone and that I can work on myself at the same time while I'm recovering. I had two people give me numbers. I actually had a date on NYE (and after that, she wanted a second one). However, I ended up shutting down my profile because I had other friends tell me that I should take my recovery seriously. I'm not sure how to go about this?
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  2. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    Take your recovery seriously and trust those friends.
     
  3. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    Real relationships dont come from dating sites. There's something not quite real about them. I've been advising guys your age about those things for years. In some ways, it's the porn of dating. I have yet to meet a guy who had a real relationship from the apps.

    Real relationships come from the real world.

    Take this seriously.
     
    KOD19, 1Peter, Knighthawk and 2 others like this.
  4. That's the thing though, dating has become a giant app of swiping.
     
  5. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    That’s right. It has and it doesn’t have to be that way.

    As long as you are on the apps, you are setting yourself up for failure and frustration.

    A girl doesn’t need to be on an app to get a date. So, why is she there? She likes the attention.

    In order for a girl to really be attracted, she’s got to think of you as a prize. So, she gets on an app and she’s getting attention from hundreds of guys. You have to do something to get her attention.

    So, she agrees to a date. She has fun. But, her life is busy. So, she flakes on the third date.

    It’s porn for women.

    It’s frustration for men.

    Real women come only in the real world: In your classes, jobs, etc.
     
  6. If your counter is correct I would recommend doing the 90 day challenge and then going on those dating sites.If you won't to get better you will have to fight through the withdrawal symptoms which takes a lot on effort.Just focus on NoFap for 3 months.
     
  7. vegaspoet34

    vegaspoet34 Fapstronaut

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    You are right, maybe I need to take recovery seriously.
     
  8. LadyBug

    LadyBug New Fapstronaut

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    As a woman, I would like to address some of the things in your post, things we girls like to talk about.

    We use dating apps because 1) we are in a world where everything now is considered 'sexual' harassment and so both guys and girls become scared of putting the first step towards asking someone out, 2) people don't like rejection, in a dating app you get past that 'rejection' and that awkward scenario that would be a stepping stone in real life, 3) girls don't want to deal with dating their co-workers, their colleagues, it is awkward. I come from a super closed academic circle and dating a colleague is room for rumors, we don't want to deal with rumors or the awkwardness that comes when you're in a conference and the guy steps into the room. We also don't want to date our co-workers, how awkward is that if something goes wrong and we have to work with the guy? I (and many of my female friends) prefer someone who is completely removed from our immediate social circle, and most women do, we don't like mixing business with pleasure. We also use dating apps because we are consumed busy schedules, and figuring out who we have chemistry with is part of life, we can do this with dating apps.
     
  9. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    Well said, Lady Bug.

    I still think the virtual world of the apps is fake and not useful. It's a poisonous and futile pursuit.

    But, I agree with most of what you say, too. I wish you luck in finding love on the apps and hope that you do.
     
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  11. I would personally advise against internet dating during recovery since it can trigger you a lot. Meeting people in real life trough hobbies etc is different. That is a good thing.
     
    Jerseyguy1963 likes this.
  12. 1Peter

    1Peter Fapstronaut

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  13. 1Peter

    1Peter Fapstronaut

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    I agree with this real world view. Face to face contact crucial in relationships as other forms of communication are more easily misunderstood.
     
    Jerseyguy1963 likes this.
  14. 1Peter

    1Peter Fapstronaut

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  15. wolfpat01

    wolfpat01 New Fapstronaut

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    in my opinion . its ok as long as its not envolving sex . and it might be a great exercise to develop a bridge with your old brain cells and control it
    You don't want an insident to bring you back there with no bridge and you have to swim despertly to the point you've reached and to the point that you will easily go back to ..
    BUT . if your will power is greater
     

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