Discovering one's feelings and their expression

Greetings to my fellow heroes and NoFappers!

I want to ask for help regarding an problem, I haven't quite been aware of till I started NoFap (btw today is my 3rd week in hard mode and it was the best decision in my life!):
I noticed that I really cannot express my emotions, especially love and happiness, to neither my friends nor family.

I had an quite lonely childhood without my father, who didn't care for me at all. I haven't got any contact to nearly no family members only with my mother I share an deep bond. My father destroyed the connection between us and his side of family because of the heritage of my long dead grandmother. I tried many times to make contact, but I was rejected, even after my parents divorced 16 years ago. My mother's side of family are only there for money and if they need something, so from there also no love. I also don't have any siblings.

I fapped since I was 10 and kept my feelings shut deep inside of me till now. The further my streak goes the more everything is going crazy inside of me and I am discovering parts of myself that I didn't even know of myself. I found out why I am craving for an realitionshop with girls my age so much (because its like I want to fill that hole created from my fathers rejection of love) and am now aware of that I am not that little boy anymore!!!

Just with that part of myself I talked about at the beginning I am still not sure how to handle it, because I want to give love and show to everyone how I feel about them, not crave for it like I did in the past. It's like something is holding me back deep within for showing it.

That's why I want to ask you guys how you deal with the topic of showing love and feelings to others.

Sincerely Dennis <3

 

The second one.

 

That's what I am trying to figure out. Maybe something happened that I am not aware of and is holding my emotions back.