Hurt Loved One

I would like a little guidance if anyone could offer any. I told my girlfriend before we started dating that I had a problem with porn because it was important for me to tell my closest friends and family. I thought it would be a good way to start taking charge of my addiction and take away the final mask I put on in front of everyone. Up to this point I was taking on the challenge of beating my addiction alone and had no one to guide me and hold me accountable. I was making progress but would slip up when stress from home or school would grow to a certain point. By the time my girlfriend and I began dating I had my addiction pretty well under control but still fell backwards a few times. I didn't tell her the first couple times because I felt ashamed that I still wasn't strong enough to keep from porn and wanted to deal with it on my own. I know that was a mistake. The last time I backslid was because of a very dark time in my life and I didn't keep my guard up. After that time, things only got worse for me but I had had enough of the shame and guilt I felt from watching porn. That is when I joined this community to stop fighting the battle on my own. I told my girlfriend 2 months after my last backslide about everything I'd gone through because I managed to keep from porn through the remainder of the dark time that continued to get worse each day. I was happy with my accomplishment but, as you can guess, my girlfriend was not. She's hurt that I didn't tell her before hand that I was still dealing with my addiction. She's happy that I'm still making progress but is reconsidering our relationship. I understand where she's coming from and am not wondering why she's upset and hurt. I just don't know what to do to assure her that porn wont get in the way of our relationship. I feel that there's is nothing I can do anymore but wait for her to make her decision. I love her and just need some guidance on if there's anything more I can and should be doing to make her feel more secure about her continuing to be with me. If anyone can offer some words of wisdom I'd really appreciate it. Y'all have a great day.

 

@significantother
So even though I told her before we started dating about this problem, I'm still considered a liar? I'm not questioning you I'm just making sure this is the situation I'm in. It was really hard for me to talk about it back then because it brought back the feelings of hatred and shame I felt towards myself for letting myself backslide. Still my fault for not making sure she knew exactly what I was going through. Yes we still talk. She's distant now and doesn't want to be around me very much, which I understand that she needs space. I've told her that I joined a support group but that was all. I'll take your advice and start a journal. Thank you very much.

 

@significantother @Limeaid @GeorgeWasHere
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. We're going to have a talk later today, so I'll keep your words in mind and do the best I can.