At what point do you consider your marriage sexless?

Anything less than once a week for me!

I've been with my wife 10 years, and longest we went without was 3 weeks.

I need it most nights, on average we fuck about 4-5 nights a week.

 

I don't like the way the question is phrased but I understand why you phrased it that way. If having sex is one way of showing love, affection and intimacy and if I only used having sex as a barometer for those things then my answer would be less than 7 times a week. I don't use having sex as that indicator because I think there are other ways to show love, affection and intimacy. So I really can't answer your question. If you're truly "sexless" in a relationship then one or both of you are more than likely being starved of intimacy. I can imagine someday, if we are lucky enough, that my husband and I will slow down and not have sex very often (I'm imagining us as very old in this scenario) but because we have intimacy, love and affection I doubt we will feel as though something is missing from our relationship.

Obviously men and women see this differently.

 

PS. The millennial girls voice in that video makes it almost unwatchable... I'll try again later. Lol

 

That's really lovely that you love her so much! Three really's is a lot of love! lol

I agree with you. I think it's more about how you relate to your partner. I do agree with the video posted above that talking about sex with your spouse is REALLY important! It's not something that either myself or my husband is shy talking about, fortunately!

 

I guess I can only answer from the wife point of view here because I can't answer from a husband's point of view. Although, I do think I understand men better than I understand women. lol. I would never describe my marriage as sexless and I hope to never have to. Even dealing with my husband's addiction, we were never sexless. I would say that I felt less intimacy with him at a certain point when we were not communicating about his addiction and I think the sex was not as meaningful. Certainly not as meaningful as it is for us both now. And the meaningfulness of the sex is the point of it for me. And I guess a lot of this all comes down to what do you think is the purpose of sex in marriage? Is it a way to show your partner that you love and care about them or is it simply for getting yours and getting out? lol. I mean that's an oversimplification but I think you get my meaning.

I'll try to watch more of that video. That's chick's voice was just seriously grating on me. Vocal fry, Up-talk and dropping all her T's. Ugh, millennial's! lol

 

What I love about my marriage is we get the best of both worlds , depending on our moods! We make love some nights, others it's a quickie, sometimes it gets even naughier! You've got to mix it up, make every experience new.

It shouldn't be a chore, yet sometimes the old quickie routine works! I don't get how people with red blood live in sexless marriages, even with PMO in the window. At the peak of my p0rn addiction, I could easily PMO 5 times a day AND have sex twice in the night.

 

Well good for you both if that is what you both like. The thing that I have found on this site that is intriguing to me is how it seems that many people did not think to make sure that their level of sex drive matched their partners. If sex is important to you (and I think it is an important part of a healthy relationship) then you should definitely be having those discussions before you say "I do". Could be why there are so many "sexless" marriages. Someone in that kind of relationship is not getting their needs fulfilled.

 

I considered my marriage as sexless because we only had sex once every 2 weeks, sometimes more but in my earlier years I was up for 2x a day! However, although we’ve done 2 90 day sex fasts, I consider my marriage much more sexual because he is finally present! He’s more engaged, he compliments me. So, I’d say at present although we are having less sex, the intimacy is now there so it “ satisfies “ me. If that makes sense?

 

So many things affect this though. Before kids, sex was easy to make time for. Infant through grade school and working way up the ladder with jobs makes it more problematic. Then after kids grow older more time but sometimes now more health issues?

 

Hate to say it, but I avoid it.

 

For me sexual contact can be anything from intercourse to licking the lips in a special way. Our relationship is so much more sexual now than it was when we were having intercourse 3 times a week, I was Oing and Ming and watching P. in the last 130 days we have had intercourse twice but have sexual contact several times a day/night.

Sex 'drive' can be fluid especially when sex is used to self medicate, and I struggle a bit with the concept of 'matching' sex drives. Our brains are plastic and unfortunately manipulated by our hypersexualised environment. Watching P and thinking about sex a few hundred times a day definitely influenced my 'sex drive' and turned it into an addiction.

I agree with others that a good relationship has intimacy, sexual intercourse is just one way to express that intimacy. Accepting this is key to stopping obsessing about sex and start focusing on your relationship as a whole.

 

After 15 years, there is no excitment