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Is it worth it at all to have a dating life during college?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Dark Knight Rising, Jan 8, 2020.

  1. I know everyone will have a different answer for this, but let's accept these premises:

    - 1. You are a relatively mature guy (that doesn't mean you know everything about life, for sure, but you are very responsible and focused for your age).
    - 2. Most of young girls are meatheads (I'm not misogynist. Most of guys are morons too. This is just a normal stage of human development).
    - 3. You, as a fapstronaut who doesn't have porn fantasies anymore, don't want just sex but also human connection.

    So you have 2 options:

    - 1. Spend a lot of time on your dating life, looking for the worthy young girls.
    - 2. Work full time on yourself and leave dating for later.

    So... I'll ask you again: is it worth it at all to have a dating life during college?
     
    Kligor likes this.
  2. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    Honestly college turned out to be a waste of time for me so I think learning how to date before I had to work full time would have been a good investment. Not sure if that applies to your job/living situation though.
     
    Compiler and Action like this.
  3. I agree 100%. I'm just in because my parents want to.

    You have to take into account the effect of compound interest. The younger you start learning extracurricular skills and preparing for the long term, the better.
    Besides... learning how to date? If you are a high value man, it's not rocket science.
     
  4. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    It’s rocket science if you’re used to women being nasty and unpleasable. I was pretty confused when I started finding women that actually liked me. Felt like I was borrowing another guy’s body almost.
     
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  5. But that's my point. It's not an intellectual process where you have to actually learn something, it's just about confidence, and I'm a confident guy.
     
  6. It depends honestly I would go with option 2. But if you feel like you're ready to date and want to create human connection go for it. Just make sure you set time for it.
     
    ANewFocus and Action like this.
  7. Action

    Action Fapstronaut

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    As someone who never dated in college, I really wish I did. It is now even harder to find a match. If you are interested in someone, I say go for it.
     
    ANewFocus likes this.
  8. It's implicit in the premises that I have no particular interest.
     
  9. Action

    Action Fapstronaut

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    Then you're better off focusing on your personal goals.
     
    sfmark12 likes this.
  10. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    I like your confidence and that you don't put women on a pedestal like so many here.
    And I say this with good intentions, but sorry to burst your bubble about the "it's just about confidence" idea. Wondering from what source you got this - but if that is truly your idea about how intimate connection with another human being works then you do indeed still have to learn A LOT.
    It's one of those areas in life that is endlessly fascinating and there are new facets to be discovered around every corner. Confidence merely being one aspect of an ever-changing, complex dynamic between two people.
    With what I have read so far I would wholeheartedly recommend to jump into exploring and learning about building and maintaining intimate connections and not push it out any further as it's something you can learn about and improve for the rest of your life. It's not something you can simply put a checkmark behind after going "got confidence? - yes? well then that's that"
     
  11. Yeah, let me clarify that.
    I meant that confidence is what you need in order to get a date, as red gyarados was talking about women being nasty with him.
    I know for sure having a relationship is an order of magnitude more complicated.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
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  12. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    I see, thanks for clarifying.
    From what I wrote you can see why I personally would still very much recommend exploring this fascinating aspect of our lives. We are very social creatures no matter how much we try to rationalize our loneliness at times (not talking about you specifically but generally) and building a strong social circle around you with positive and growth-oriented people can be something VERY worthwhile during your college years that's gonna improve your quality of life for many decades to come.
    Focusing on yourself and taking care of yourself and your own needs is something you have to do all the time anyway. Whether you have friends or not.

    Edit: so not only restricted to meeting women but building healthy connections all around and if a high-quality woman is part of that, then why not enjoy that too
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
    Dark Knight Rising and Action like this.
  13. I know, but I'm a very focused person, so I can't get emotionally invested in many things at the same time.

    Sure, that's definitely our nature, but fapping is also natural and we choose not to do it. My point is that, as rational beings, we can strategically supress our nature in order to pursue a long-term goal.

    Yeah, that's a great point. That's actually why I've created this thread.
    This is not a decision that I'm going to make, but a decision that I've already made, going with option 2.
    But I try to always keep a "no bullshit" state of mind, so I'm aware I may be rationalizing my loneliness. That's why I want to hear your thoughts.
    Ultimately, it's really difficult to distinguish between a legit reason and a well elaborated excuse.
     
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  14. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Education, education, education. Whatever that might be! It could be internship, trainee, courses, pro bono work, college...

    If I could relive my life I wouldn't waste any thought to members of the opposite sex during my school years; relationship is investment in others while studying is an investment in yourself. During ones formative years it's of vital importance to build up that sense of self sustainability in order to have a fruitful togetherness with others later.

    If you think of it, most of your life will be about family and there will likely be a time when you are highly responsible for the wellbeing of several other people. That can indeed be rewarding, but being young and setting up the foundation to have a secure life on your own is a rare luxury that usually only comes early on.

    Not to mention that it's actually hard to date without a proper job or education to ones name. Women are unfortunately highly elitist and most wouldn't so much as consider a boyfriend or husband (or even a one night stand!) without a good career, even if they don't earn a nickel themselves.
     
  15. You're a woman, so I'll believe you!
     
  16. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    yes is is well worth it to date in college, assuming the girl also attends college and actually cares for her future. coming out of college is where you start meeting meatheads.
     
  17. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    yes is is well worth it to date in college, assuming the girl also attends college and actually cares for her future. coming out of college is where you start meeting meatheads.
     
  18. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    So true and big move on your part then. That's why forums like these CAN be so valuable. The feedback can really help to get your gears moving with less BS on them. Sometimes with more though lol

    Just gonna give you my 2 cents and in the end you have to make your own decision anyway. But the feedback may be very valuable and I sincerely hope it helps.
    And I guess since that's what you are after, I am also going to poke around in one or two hornet's nests as an outsider with a different perspective. I have no emotional investment in what decision you make and you do you.

    Alright, regarding "our nature" of fapping and having people around us I think we are talking about completely different levels here.
    A bit hyperbole to make the point clear...
    You can certainly live a life without fapping and at the end of it not having any regrets whatsoever. Maybe even a feeling of pride or accomplishment along with it.
    But dying alone, not having made any deep and authentic connections, no real, long-term friends, your very own children and tiny little grandchildren running around but instead just merely the most comfortable bed in the best hospital you could afford with all the money you've made thanks to focusing on yourself... I think it's easy to see how there is A LOT of room for very painful regrets in contrast to "oh if I just had fapped more in the precious time I was given".
    No matter how much you've accomplished, that's gonna sting one way or another.


    Of course there are numerous other scenarios less extreme and focusing on yourself is vitally important. And for a phase it can be good. But a couple of years in college where you actually don't even want to be but just to please your parents?
    And on top of that depriving yourself of having some good people around? I'm willing to bet that this is going to become a drag real fast.

    It can be painful at times but I absolutely don't see how time spend with others is only an investment in others and not yourself at the same time. Plus you have to learn to balance focusing on yourself and moving forward on your own goals with building and maintaining connections and even taking responsibility of taking care for kids anyway. Being overly invested in one or the other spells disaster down the road no matter what. And again, building healthy connections is a high-value investment in yourself to begin with. Only if someone is overly invested and gets swept up by drama and emotions all the time does it become an unhealthy connection that drains you more than it builds you up.

    In my personal, immediate environment the most materially accomplished people who are ALSO at the same time the happiest are those with a strong social circle around them and in a stable, mutually supportive relationship. But the point is that it has to be a healthy relationship and nowadays most people have to learn how to do that. Otherwise relationships can indeed drag you down massively. The ROI if you will is massive though and the earlier you start the better. That's why I recommend starting early as it's one of the best investments you can make (also in yourself and your own long-term satisfaction with life).


    And last thing, just to poke a hornet's nest here; concerning the statement that you are in college because your parents want you to but not because you want to. Why not focus on yourself in that regard as well and do what you want to focus on if that is that important to you? Don't want to rock the boat in regards to your connection with your parents? Does that mean the connection is more important than focusing on yourself? Does that mean that SOME connections are more important than focusing on yourself (still presupposing that "focusing on yourself" excludes building healthy relationships with other people)? If so, which ones and how do they come about? (not expecting you to answer all these questions - just to get your mind rolling)

    Not saying that "focusing on yourself" here means that one should just be a bum and do what you want in the moment. But rather learning skills and building a career in a field that really fascinates you or do what you need to do to find out what really fascinates you if you don't know that yet. Traveling, expanding your mind, making completely new experiences, learning about yourself and the world, doing low-level jobs/internships in fields that interest you, building connections to people in fields that interest you and getting a feel for their job-life/life, maybe even working for them directly, etc.
    Sounds like you are in college already and I guess you are not quitting that so I am more interested in your "no bs" state of mind in that regard and how it relates to the whole "building relationships with girls and friends or not" thing.

    Alright man, hope it helps and gives you food for thought.
    Wishing you the best.
     
    Dark Knight Rising likes this.
  19. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Oh I took your advice when I was younger, and I can tell you what happened:

    It was all so cute and nice in the beginning. I focused on me, did what I wanted, slept all day, expected others to pay for me more or less, bought what I thought I deserved (only the nice things in life of course), travelled... I focused on me, just like you said, and what was important to me. Then the money did what money do best; it disappeared.

    And here I was, unemployed, no money, no relationship (which I had ended because of boredom and self entitlement, which youth and unemployment inevitably brings). I couldn't keep my nice city apartment, I couldn't get a job because no one hires anyone without education, I couldn't find a place to live because you can't find a home without a job, I couldn't really have a relationship because if you move in with someone and that doesn't work out you can't move out without any money, I didn't want to stay with my parents for various reasons and obviously I couldn't travel or do anything because it was too expensive.

    I thought if I just figured out what I wanted to do with my life, everything would be ok. That took several years, and I spiralled in to a social pariah. Meanwhile, my smart friends got their education (even if they didn't particularly enjoy it), worked, got nice homes, maybe a second education once they found out what they really wanted to do, family, travels and so on. Their secret?

    They did what they needed to do, not what they wanted to do.

    When you are young, you don't get this. You think money and inspiration will just come to you because you deserve it for being you and for "following your passion". Your Alma Mater is instagram, your excercise wanking, your favourite holiday is a picture on pinterest; you think your parents is the enemy for wanting you to get off the couch (not so, they are in fact the ones who have the guideline manuals of life, and, unlike 99,99% of people, actually look out for your best interest). You don't get that you can be homeless in an instant and NEVER get anything you desire (not a partner, not a home, no freedom whatsoever). All of a sudden you are 40, earning minimum wage in a job you hate (at best!) and even if you were to get into an education then, nobody would wanna hire you because you compete with people half your age who actually have more meaningful work experience than you. Retirement? Well you are not gonna afford it.

    So stay in school. It can suck, yes. But some years of boredom is nothing compared to a lifetime of misery. Again, never what you want, always what you need. That's the key to success.
     
    Dark Knight Rising likes this.
  20. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    No, you didn't do what I said and that was not my advice at all. I explicitly stated to not live like a bum and showed ways for building up your skillset and network.

    He seems like a driven person anyway and if a driven person "does what they want" it leads to improved skills and work. Besides meaningful work being one of the best pillars for lifetime happiness anyway.
    You very much misread my statement.

    Funily enough though, with your very last statement you are saying exactly what I am trying to say.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2020
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