2019; my first entirely PMO-free year during this millennium

Hello fellas!
I am not going to make this post several pages long and tedious to read since I rather make one such for the two year anniversary in February, but as we left the former decade behind us only a few days ago, it also marked 2019 as my first PMO-free year since my childhood in the late 1990's (around 1998/99) which felt unique and amazing to say the least. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about 2018 since my streak started in the beginning of that year. It felt great ending the decade in such a positive way and I can't wait for what's ahead of me in 2020.
However, it feels great to have gone this far (despite being single and living on my own still) but I can proudly say that despite some heavy personal setbacks during last year, I have grown as a person, adapted new routines, mindsets and also become healthier (mentally, physically and spiritually) and more educated as I resigned from my mundane and soul-draining position at work (in May) and have dedicated the time since to self-education, personal development, moving to a new town, traveling and reading a lot of interesting books. Many of them, I will have great use for during my future business-adventures. I actually managed to reach my New Year's resolution on one read book per week and at New Year's eve, I finished my 54 or 55th book for the year, plus some audio-books that I don't count into this number.

I felt really bad for my comfortable and mindless relative who ignorantly and proudly said he hadn't read a single one during 2019 but who gladly admitted he had rather wasted his precious time on useless TV-series. Yes, TV-series are mostly useless time-wasters since they are nothing but a passive, comfortable and lazy past-time during which you give up your precious time to watch someone else's dreams come true. They are mostly highly fictional as well which most people don't realize and hence build up unrealistic expectations in their own lives.
What the book reading has given me personally is not only an accumulation of useful skills, knowledge and vocabulary but it has also expanded my perspectives and mindsets regarding all of life's unexpected situations and ways to approach/solve them. I feel really bad for my relative who chooses to remain ignorant, uneducated and narrow-minded just because of complacency and lack of ambition.
His girlfriend who was also present on New Year's eve seemed just as superficial, ignorant and mindless as him and the funny thing is that I was very jealous and envious of him only a year ago (and would do almost anything to be with her) while I had no such sentiments this time. I was rather glad and satisfied about being single and not having to spend my precious time and money with a woman who had absolutely nothing to offer me (or other men of value) but her beauty and some sex.
It was sad to see him having so much of his life revolving around her that he couldn't spend much time on his own out of pure discomfort. She seemed to be pissed as I didn't pay her any attention or interest as she walked by because she has probably so used to have so many single-men beta-orbiters around her for the past decade that she couldn't stand a man of value who saw through her for what she really was.

What I am trying to convey is that the NoFap-experience so far has removed all of my previous neediness I felt regarding women and relationships. No matter how pretty, sexy or smoking hot a woman might be, she has to qualify herself for me first and if she has nothing to offer behind that pretty shell, I gladly show her the door since such women will only waste my time and resources that I can rather spend on my business, hobbies and personal development.
Although my sense of neediness and most of my former lust-driven thoughts and mindsets are gone, I am still not comfortable about having any form of sexual contact since my experience in the field is very limited. Much of it due to my former self-destructive and counter-productive mindsets and beliefs that are still (at least most of them) left in my subconscious mind. It might sound silly for a dude with my level of self-control and mastery but I am still quite afraid of future ridicule and rejection because of my sexual inexperience and it is the inexperience itself that is mostly holding me back from pursuing and experiencing any kind of sexual contact with women.

Taking that step (out of the comfort-zone) from only some make-outs and kissing to actual intercourse feels nowadays so big, unimaginable and uncomfortable that is has become a self-fulfilling prophecy that is holding me back. I have gone very far in my personal development over the past two years in many areas of life, but this is the one where I probably struggle the most, together with getting rid off some former still remaning subconscious patterns that are slowly fading away with time.
That is why I am asking if any of you fapstronauts out there has been in a similar situations as me (regarding the issue above) and later overcome it? (i.e. daring to put yourself out there and gaining some experience after those previous setbacks)
If yes, how did you take those last steps out of the comfort-zone and overcome that former mental/psychological demon that had been haunting you for years?

I wish you all the best for 2020 and the upcoming decade and in late February, I will post a two year anniversary post for you to be read. It will be longer than this but still interesting and useful reading for most of you.

Angus McG

 

Thank you mate!
I am not worried since I let go of those concerns more and more for every day. The more I let go and just enjoy life, the less needy do I become and the less needy I become, the more interested will all suitable women out there become.
Right now, I just have to continue on the current let-go path and strive for my goals, purposes and dreams in life. As a man, you can build up your best life, without currently having a woman in it.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words!
I am 31 years old at the moment but look a lot younger than my actual age since I take good care of myself and have eliminated most of my bad and toxic habits during the past two years (replacing them with better ones).
I can publish at least half of that list later this week but since 54-55 titles is a lot to write down in a single post (and many of the titles are in Swedish as well) I might only share the English ones if you don't mind that?

I can give a short description of at least a handful of those books that probably impacted me the most and why I think reading them is required if you want to expand and develop as a man. There is in fact no way that you will be successful in life unless you read a fair amount. I cannot stress this enough because one thing that most financially and personally successful people have in common is the fact that they all read a lot (with the exception of some athletes) and I always laugh my butt off whenever I convey this fact to people who read very little and aren't very successful.
Like they somehow expect that all of those successful entrepeneurs and leaders out there would lie on the couch and watch Netflix-series for two hours after one intense day at work.

 

Did you read the entire post (to the end)? If you did, I think I explained quite clearly as to why I have become almost fearful of it. In case you didn't I repeat it again:
Mostly, it has to do with my limited experience in the field and that's what's causing me much of the qualms and brooding. Simply, because I don't know what to expect, how my previous inexperience (for my age) would be perceived or even less how to just get to the seduction-stage. On top of that, I fear that my performance will be judged.
Another aspect contributing to this fear and that is holding me back is my huge production of prejizz. It literally only takes a minute or two of arousal in order for me to produce a lot of it. If the arousal continues, I am having minor emissions (like a mini-orgasm) which makes me really tense, uncomfortable and eager looking for a toilet in order to wipe the prejizz off. During those moments, I am really wondering how on earth I will even survive a foreplay without jizzing my pants before the action has even begun. So this is what also puts huge obstacles and blocks in my subconscious mind and that makes me fear sex and (physical) intimacy with women.

 

Here are some of the 54-55 books I read during 2019 and why I think you should read them all. I present 2-3 of them now and will update you with another 3-4 later on:

1. The power of your subconscious mind (Dr. Joseph Murphy, 1963)

Summary: Dr. Murphy suggests practical techniques through which one can change one's destiny, principally by focusing and redirecting this miraculous energy. Years of research studying the world's major religions convinced him that some great Power lay behind all spiritual life and that this power is within each of us.
Dr. Murphy was Minister-Director of the Church of Divine Science in Los Angeles for 28 years, where his lectures were attended by 1300 to 1500 people every Sunday. His daily radio program during period was immensely popular. Murphy was influenced by Ernest Holmes and Emmet Fox, both well known writers on New Thought principles, but his academic background was in Eastern religion. He spent many years in India, and was an Andhra Research Fellow at the University of India. Dr Murphy spent a good part of his life studying Eastern religions, and was a scholar of the I-Ching, the Chinese book of divination whose origins are lost in history. He remains a beacon of enlightenment and inspiration for legions of loyal followers. The Power of Your Subconscious Mind has been a bestseller since its first publication in 1963, selling many millions of copies since its original publication.

Why you should read it: It gives you some great guidance about your subconscious mind, how it forms you, your life, personality and the subsequent actions you take. The author also gives you advice about how you can alter/program it over time in order to change it and attract the events, people and circumstances you really want in life. It gives you a good insight into the power of your subconscious (or infinite) mind and what you are actually capable of doing and receiving if you only program it right and feed it with the right messages and thoughts (those of the positive and enthusiastic kind). It can either make you or break you.

2. As a man thinketh (James Allen, 1902)

Summary:
In this classic book on thinking, the book describes how each of us shapes the events around us, creating our own lives in abundance.
As himself Allen describes, “It shows how, in his own thought-world, each man holds the key to every condition, good or bad, that enters into his life, and that, by working patiently and intelligently upon his thoughts, he may remake his life, and transform his circumstances. …and it can be carried in the pocket.”

Why you should read it: It is such a short and concise little book that gives you (the reader) a chance to reflect and think about how your thoughts, thought-patterns, beliefs and fears are shaping your current life, circumstances and events. He essentially claims that good, noble, tranquil and positive thoughts and thought patterns will bring you these kinds of events into your life and vice versa. It explains why some men are successful and content in life while some are failing and feel miserable (despite getting a similar start in life). It is also written in a beautiful language that feels very gentle and touching you as you're reading it. Although it might be written almost 120 years ago, all of its messages are timeless and never get old.

3. Think and grow rich (Napoleon Hill, 1938)

Summary:
Think and Grow Rich has been called the "Granddaddy of All Motivational Literature." It was the first book to boldly ask, "What makes a winner?" The man who asked and listened for the answer, Napoleon Hill, is now counted in the top ranks of the world's winners himself.
The most famous of all teachers of success spent "a fortune and the better part of a lifetime of effort" to produce the "Law of Success" philosophy that forms the basis of his books and that is so powerfully summarized in this one.
In the original Think and Grow Rich, published in 1937, Hill draws on stories of Andrew Carnegie, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and other millionaires of his generation to illustrate his principles.

This is the one that you should absolutely read!!!
Why you should read it: Simply because the thirteen principles he lists in his work is what makes every man successful in life if he follows and applies them correctly. The more of these principles you follow and apply into your own life, the more successful will you be as a result, simple as that. It also gives you a great overview as to why 96-99% of people never succeed in life and never will become successful so he also lists the actions, thoughts and thought-patterns you ought to avoid if you don't want to end up like the mediocre crowd.
This is probably one of the best books I have ever read and I do sometimes pick it out from my bookshelf in order to go through some of the principles again. Although it is written almost eighty years ago, it is still (just as "As a man thinketh) its messages are truly timeless and never get old.

To be continued......

 

The reasoning?? Didn't I just write it out another time for you?
Or do you mean something else with regards to "reasoning" ?

 

What kind of boot-camp and what's the last name of the author?
There are probably many books written (from different authors) with the title "The Game".

 

Thank you and I am soon about to hit two years actually! You are totally right and although I take complete responsibility for my past, there are still so many old subconscious and mental road-blocks that prevent me from approaching women in daily life. Although I have done it many times, I am bailing out from those situations way too often since I am too anxious and self-loathing in those situations. One such road-block is this inferiority complex I carry in my mind that often tells me I am not worthy of a beautiful woman in my life and this is what mainly keeps me from trying.
The internal reasoning usually goes like "Why should a beautiful girl like that be interested in me and my simple, stoic and prestigeless lifestyle?, I am sure she has much better options in her life so I don't bother about even talking to her". Another reason is that I lose hope many times I have the courage talking to them since we seem to have nothing in common and it gets me thinking "That's the way the vast majority of women are so why even bother if we don't have any common ground" ?

Although I have gained much more confidence (and become way more attractive overall) since my NoFap-journey began, I still struggle with my past and the subconscious ghosts it has created and instilled in me.

Although I find it much

 

Most of my fears are simply made up by myself for no valid reason really (at least I can admit that) but one main problem is that I often don't see myself worthy of an attractive woman in my life and this is what often prevents me from taking action. Despite my multiple achievements in life so far, healthy looks and physique, plenty of solo-traveling experience (and many uncomfortable situations) and good personal economy, I many times tell myself that more guys my age have done so much more in life (although they likely haven't) so I tend to talk myself down and devalue myself a lot.
Especially since my lifestyle is quite simple, prestigeless and stoic (I don't seek out too many material possessions) compared to most men, I am afraid that it won't be good or satisfactory enough for her and be looked at as weird in today's world. Especially due to my inexperience which is partially chosen btw, that wouldn't be able to give her any satisfactory action when there are more experienced men out there.
Thus, I consider that she must have much better options than me and hence I don't take any action at all out of these fears and constant negative self-talk where I devalue myself and overvalue her (although she might not have much more than her looks to offer). The longer time passes, the more helpless do I sometimes feel, despite having so many things moving in the right direction. My problem just seem to be that I don't really believe in myself at this particular walk in life and that's what's holding me back so many times.

 

When I say "attractive women" regarding women I haven't talked to and that I see for the very first time, I mean physically attractive (since I don't know them yet) and the attractiveness I refer to besides that usually includes both the physical and personal aspects combined. So, in any case it got to include some level of physical attractiveness as well.
I know that looks aren't everything but physical attractiveness to me (and the vast majority of men) indicates youth, health and fertility which are quite important. If I don't get excited thinking about that woman dropping her clothes, I am not interested at all. It also works the other way around:, if she happens to be very physically attractive but just show off a poor attitude and behavior all the time, I am not interested as well.
At the moment, I am more looking for a long-time partner and although I many times think that I wouldn't mind getting laid once in a while, I still don't feel too comfortable with ONSs since that means I barely even know the woman. Such ambiguous thoughts are often going throw my mind actually.