35 and Older Accountability Group

1 week post relapse and I FEEL GOOD! (insert James Brown emphasis here). Day 6.

 

Check in... day one hundred and ninety something. Not sure if I am over my rough patch. I think winters are harder for me. I love winter but I have been feeling chronically tired, irritated, and down... could it be seasonal affective disorder? I started taking cold showers again (I mean, really freaking freezing). I upped my meditation. Trying to calm down and even out, so to speak.

I noticed that I am looking at bikini-clad women in ads etc. I have absolutely no urge to P at all. I have urges to M a lot. I am trying to revive regular sex with my wife. It’s been a long time since it happened regularly and I feel like before I didn’t try to change anything because I could just jerk off. I feel it’s important for long term success for me and for us as a couple to view each other as a source of sexual pleasure (as well as other things, of course). Sex is important to me, no questions there, and it’s silly to pretend that it is not. I hate the thought of us drifting slowly apart because of it. Do I seem down? Time to take another cold shower!

 

I feel like I'm in a similar situation. I am trying to think about the long term and not rush anything. Time frames are uncertain. We have to do what we can and be patient. Just keep developing healthy habits.

 

A couple things going on with me. I had two wet dreams within the last couple weeks which are the first two I've ever had. I read on this website in the rebooting section that WDs can be a sign of progress toward normalization. I never knew what normal was in terms of my sexual self - I still don't completely know but I have a better idea of I guess. I think this is a good sign.

I also am going to have a 10 day test starting today. My wife left this morning for a trip and won't be back for 10 days. I feel like the last 6 months have definitely helped me build strength for this but I'm very nervous about having this extra time by myself. I'm going to try and remember to post here more often during this time. I keep telling myself to use these 10 days to get stronger, not weaker. These days will go by and I know how I want to feel on Jan. 23. Her being gone is messing with me psychologically right now, even though I know I just have to keep on the same path.

Hope you all are doing well. I have noticed that the group has some very decent streaks going right now. Let's keep it up.

 

[QUOTE="Timber, post: 2393122, member I am trying to revive regular sex with my wife. It’s been a long time since it happened regularly [/QUOTE]
I’m with you @Timber ! We were dormant for a long time and started back up after about 30 days of me going hard mode. Was going weekly then a miss here and there and now we’re a month out and she recently had surgery so the lull continues. Previously I would have used as hall pass to binge since it wasn’t my fault we weren’t getting busy. Now I want to hold out til she’s back in action but god I miss M during these days! Keep up the good fight, your a huge inspiration here!

 

@Raskolnikov II - 10 days by yourself? That would be a real challenge for me! Good luck and stay strong!

@WilBil99 thanks! That does sound familiar! Hard mode is brutal and I am not sure it’s entirely ok on a long term basis. It’s definitely not very comfortable. Please post about your insights into rekindling things with your wife.

thanks to both of you for writing... I have a weird mental block about saying what I need in intimate relationships. I have learned a lot to become more emotionally present and honest, but sexuality is still a challenging topic because it’s so easy to M and not deal with it. Glad to know I’m not alone.

 

You couldn't be more accurate , empty is the dominant feeling the last months.
That's why i believe i need something to boost me in my life.I know it will not come by itself though , i just need the courage to create that "something", maybe changing a lot of things in my life but i think it's time do it...i am very tired and i feel like i have nothing to loose.Maybe it's the lowest point i have been in my life and that brings me more anger.

 

A great challenge these ten days. But I think good habits have already created strength in you. For me it would be a complicated test to overcome! No doubt writing in the group will help you a lot.
Greetings and strength to win!

 

Day 248.
In recent weeks I have no tendency towards P. It is strange and I do not know what to attribute it except to the help of God and the rewiring of the brain!
In a couple of days I will go on vacation, in my hemisphere it is summer so we will see how my libido responds on the beach!
See you and stay strong!

 

Monday mad-day, glad I'm through it....

 

Hello. 38 year old male here.
Have been trying on and off to quit porn since years, now i am serious. Would love to join the Group.

 

Got an uncertain job situation developing, feeling stressed and haven't been coping in healthy ways.

 

/restart

 

Day 8; check in!

 

@Timber things w my wife had turned into a roommate situation. She gains weight after babies, I want to have sex w someone who looks like a pornstar and PIED creeps in so distance and alienation ensues. NoFap started and after a period of hard mode, I realized it was me all along, not her. Started volunteering to do things around house, didn’t have expectation of anything in return (I was always very selfish , if I did something I expected her to do something of equal worth). Then I started giving her cards and would write why I was glad I was married to her. Just every couple of weeks because to remind her we are more than just roommates. Made a
Point to do things w out kids. Love my kids but all attention goes to them when they are around so I wanted to reintroduce time where we didn’t have to have all focus on them. We’ve been trying to go to concerts again(both love music) and reclaim a little of who we were. Basically I started courting her and it was/is so much better now. Good luck to you!

 

Don’t wait until you have it figured out! Do now what you think is right. The rest will come. These victories are hard-fought and are NOT cheap. Finding meaning is not easy but it’s worth it.

 

@Raskolnikov II six months! That’s a great boost before your 10 day challenge!

@WilBil99 thanks for sharing! It’s wonderful to hear. I think when we deny ourselves we learn so much more about others and self-sacrificial love! Very inspiring!

@artifact that’s very tough! I does not make me feel better to contemplate your misery!

 

200 days @Timber ! Very inspiring!!