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(23yo) 18 Reasons of Why PMO has fucked with me (gay, prostitutes, trans, etc.)

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by cali4sto, Jan 11, 2020.

  1. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Stumbled across a post that was explaining about the importance of why some start the journey and what are the main goals, so I will follow up that exercise to get to know me better and put some ideas into actual words.

    What are the main issues that I have experienced duringe extreme PMO:

    Since I was 12, I started fapping to porn. At the begining it was not that harmful, but as the time went by and I would pmo around 2 or 3 times daily, the negative results that I have experienced are:

    • Masturbation increases my procrastination throught the day and less is actually done ( I still remember one occasion where I was working from home and my boss asked me to deliver some silly thing and I had one hour to do it, instead of doing it straight away, I decided to masturbate for 30 mins, then he asked me after those 30 mins to deliver whatever I already had and I was not really able to explain him why I was not able to even start the task)
    • Extreme use of pornography has led to fantasize about men and I actually met 2 guys using Grindr and we tried to have sex, but didn't really work out very well, at the end I understand that everything is all about the fantasy and I do not really get to enjoy the experience, it is rather a very intense craving that if I do not control it gets out of hand, so most of the times I start masturbating to gay porn o gay fantasies I cannot really stop the masturbation.
    • I developed a fetish for transexual girls, and I did not only look for ts porn but actually fucked 3 transexuals. 2 of the experiences have been better than with the guys (one that I met in Grindr and the other was a prostitute) but the 3rd one WAS REALLY AWFUL. I was on vacation in a country in the South East Asia and I decided to split from the group of friends that I had in order to spend some days partying and trying to fuck. On tinder, I met a girl and a trans. I told both of them that I would meet them, obviously went for the girl and we had some CRAZY good sex, I didnt PMO for 30 days at the time. But when I woke up, oh boy, SHIT HIT THE FAN. The transexual girl went fucking nuts and she was ultra mad because I didnt meet her, so what did she do? She looked me up in facebook and send me screenshots of my friends, she was fucking harasshing me and threating me to either pay her a lot of money or she would tell everyone that I was into TS girls, that was a very tough situation, in order to calm her down, I had to go into her appartment, treat her with EXTREME respect and had to pick my words very very carefully. At the end, stuff got calmer but she wanted me to fuck her, which I did and I was literally praying god to do not have any kind of ED in case she would get mad haha. At the end I managed the situation, but man, that really taught me a lesson of why I should not playing with transexual girls.
    • Because of PMO I have suffered in many occassions of erectile dysfunction, since 16-23, cmon man, I am SO young, I should not be suffering this shit at this age, I know perfectly that
    • Premature Eyaculation, sometimes I even lasted 1 minute, specially this happens with girls that I fuck the first time, it could really hurt my prestige, even though this is not the worst that could happen, I still do not like it, I think i need to do some kegel exercises.
    • Difficulty to cum, so here are the 2 sides of the same coin that are happening to me, a PMO addict. So I suffer a lot from this because in order to cum I need to do it more mentally than physically, I need to be excited TOO Much with my mind, and that combined with the ED would sometimes end with a girl that wants me to cum but I cannot get hard or I cannot even finish and I guess it makes them feel undesired, fuck
    • Masturbation leads me to be more passive and staying in my comfort zone, which is contrary to my belief of how we should live life, which should be to the fullest, being in the present, enjoying every second and being active and not just a fucking voyeour.
    • Loss of huge energy after ejaculating
    • It induces a feeling of guilt and shame which is something that lays in the lower spectrum of feelings and I really think it leads to depression
    • Pornography used to give me a lot of fetishes where the girl was humillated, dominated, raped, mistreated, etc. I used to watch a LOT of this kind of porn until it turned out into gay fantasies where the person who was being passive and being fucked was actually me and I was giving pleasure to another guy
    • It has developed a dick fetish, which I totally understand why happened, after watching years and years of porn my mind has developed a fetish for dicks. I accept it, what I know that is not true is that I am into guys, because I am absolutely not. I have fucked more than 30+ girls and had 2 very intense and long relationships, I would never be able to have the same feelings and relationships with a guy.
    • Even though when my rational mind thinks about it, I know I am not a misoginist, but there is something about watching all that porn has led me to think SOMETIMES of women as just as trophies and achievements, cute things to just fuck and have some fun, some of the easiest girls I do not even treat them very well and just get to fuck them without putting a lot effort or caring about their feelings.
    • Loss of confidence when I was masturbating excesevely, as if the feelings of guilt, shame, depravation, etc is something that people can smell and it affects on my daily interactions, specially with hot girls
    • Very soft dick when I masturbate, mastrubation has became something so rutinary that my body sometimes is able to ejaculate without even being hard, this is something very weird that leaves me with a bitter taste.
    • I have fucked aroud 5 prostitutes, I am a young attractive guy that can easily get girls and when I pay for sex is a mix of a fetish, low confidence and cravings. The thing that makes me mad the most is that I probably do it because I was afraid of the emotional engagement with a girl
    • Very addicted to Tinder and would spend a lot of hours and time into trying to fuck girls, but half of the time I do not really get interested about the girld but all I wanted was to fill that pussy with my dick get to cum and bye bye, no emotional engagement, something very physical and not special. I would even wake up some mornings and fap the first thing at the morning at some picture of a girl that I found on Tinder
    • Lower emotional engagement with girls, sometimes getting to the point of being a mean person
    • Hyper sexualized mind, always thinking about sex and instant gratification

    Why I am goig to do to NOFAP and how I am going to do it:

    For now, I have decided that I am not really going to stop fucking with girls, this is something that I enjoy a lot and makes me feel great and increases my confidence.

    What must stop for good is searching for sexy images, for easy fucks, for meaningles sex, paid sex, prostitutes, gay porn, ts fantasies, etc.

    I strongly believe that if I stop PMO I will reach my goals.

    So from now on, NO MORE MASTURBATION ALONE.

    Fuck it, DAY 90 HERE WE GO - APRIL 10th you are my GOAL and I will reach it, I SWEAR IT
     
  2. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Hey maan! That's fuckin awesome that you've liked my post, I appreciate it

    Mm interesting 50 transgendered people, can I ask you about how many girls?

    Did you also fell in love for any of them? Or engaged in some sort of relationship or developed feelings?

    Just very curious about your situation

    I have another question for you, if you keep the nofap, do you think your trans fetish will vanish?

    Cheers man !
     
  3. Hmm about the same amount of girls.
    But spreader since I was 15.

    never fell in love
    Never had any feelings

    we will have to see !!!
    I still really want to be with one.
    and I guess I have to fight it every time.

    I’m just looking for peace of mind.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  4. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    dude there is nothing wrong with being gay first off. secondly, i do hope you reach your goals. from my experience addiction to tinder and escorts is a result from pmo.
     
  5. Again I’m finding my self looking for transwomen in my city, there are like 6 new ones, that look better than most of the girls I know.

    and the sex with them, is 3 times better than a normal sex with a normal girl, but I’m trying to hold on, I hope I won’t fail and go to Another transwoman escort.

    because I want to see, how I will feel, with out going to an escort/masturbating.

    because for now, it does amazing for me.
    The urges are real, and they are strong as ever.
    I wonder, if they will ever pass.

    I did have sex yesterday, with a girl I date with.
    She is insanely hot, beautiful face, ass like you never seen.

    but still cant get the transwomen out of my head.

    I’ll keep you updated bro !
     
  6. fantasy - the visual language of your brain - is symbolic, like dreams. People have incest fantasies, underage and a bunch of other things that they don't want to do - and shouldn't do - in real life... but as i mentioned they are symbolic... trying to cover or compensate for some need.. see them as a path to healing -
    Escalation is very common check out your brain on porn:
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...d-the-brain/are-sexual-tastes-immutable-2012/

    The good news is recovery is possible. But it also will probably involve working on issues like depression, anxiety and self esteem -there are many reasons guys go the femdom, trannsy-sissy, gay escalation but self esteem is a huge issue for a lot of people who had...
     
  7. fantasy - the visual language of your brain - is symbolic, like dreams. People have incest fantasies, underage and a bunch of other things that they don't want to do - and shouldn't do - in real life... but as i mentioned they are symbolic... trying to cover or compensate for some need.. see them as a path to healing -
    Escalation is very common check out your brain on porn:
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...d-the-brain/are-sexual-tastes-immutable-2012/

    The good news is recovery is possible. But it also will probably involve working on issues like depression, anxiety and self esteem -there are many reasons guys go the femdom, trannsy-sissy, gay escalation but self esteem is a huge issue for a lot of people who had...
     
  8. My self esteem is high.
    My confidence is very high
    I look good.
    Actually I’m a manager of a company and I have 20 employee under me. sometimes 30.

    So I don’t think the problem with me is confidence or self esteem, I know what I worth.

    I think I’m just addicted to it ?
    It is fun after all.

    but it came to a point where this is the only thing I think about.
     
    Jake n Bake likes this.
  9. then you need to look into the reasons why. You can be confident in one area in your life but not another..
    or you could have some issue about sex -
    maybe you just don't have a healthy way to distress - could be tons of reasons.. but there is some reason and you're addicted right?
    and its gotten you in trouble in the past right?
    (not judging you, that's why we're all here, myself included ;) )

    so how to do you plan to change your behavior?
     
  10. An update !
    Yesterday was really difficult, I spoke with a transgendered person which we used to fuck.

    she’s having surgeries to feminize herself even more.

    I told her I will meet her in 1 month and a half, after she is fully healed from the surgeries.

    but, I don’t know if I will meet her or any transgendered person.
    The urges comes and go, but it feels like I can control it ATM.

    I’m very happy, I feel very strong.


    And it’s only the 7th day with out porn or masturbating.
     
  11. Brohime

    Brohime Fapstronaut

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    I was like you and began with porn. Since then I have been a bottom
    to multiple trans prostitutes, including letting a few of them bareback me and cum inside me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2020
  12. Did it make
    You feel bad ?
    Or only when you watch transwoman porn makes you feel bad ?
     
  13. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

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    hey man,
    there is a lot of true in this post BUT.
    as an older (33yo) I disagree with some based on my experiences:

    procrastination
    In my case this has drastically increased. these day I think about sex almost all day - where to meet girls, how to fuck wife, etc.
    I get 0% work done. This is software development. if this doesn't improve, I will simply have to move back to P&M.
    I am however switching to a more people role, so maybe this will change.

    girl humilliation, domination
    you need a bit of red pill here. some girls actually like it and it is really happing out there. many man are wussies today and are unable to actually provide this for girls.
    after nofap, I actually started doing this INRL.

    women as just as trophies
    Its actually true. many guys mistake nofap for some form of celibacy or morality.
    but its just a tool to bring your fantasies from your hand and monitor to reality.

    always thinking about sex and instant gratification
    nefore nofap I didnt think about sex at all during day (also why when I fapped 2 times a night).
    no all the time. also see my note on procrastination.

    Otherwise mostly agreed except the gay and penis stuff.
    I still think it indicates you guys who write this aren't 100% heterosexual and need to make a mans decision how to lead your life.
     
    Gina3111 likes this.
  14. Brohime

    Brohime Fapstronaut

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    I will say this, it hurts to sit this morning. Feels like you took a hard poop and pushed it out too quick. But while the transgendered person is inside me I'm in heaven.
     
  15. I ask about after the act, when everything is done and you had your O

    makes you feel bad ! Or normal. ?

     
  16. Gay escalation is possible and is even more likely to happen to men who are completely straight due to the shock factor being even greater.

    I began pmo at around 8 and escalated into gay porn, every time I did I received this enormous dopamine rush, and it literally was a drug. I also felt this same way with incest(fapping to porn of women who looked like my mom), rape, all this at the age of 12-15.


    It all started with naked pictures of girls, too lesbians kissing on YouTube, to lesbian porn for a couple of years, and I remember my mind went from fapping to regular girls, to starting to fap to the wrongness of lesbians(naked girls were starting to get boring) This is what I think led me down the dopamine addiction path.

    At age 15 I developed severe HOCD cause one day I realized straight guys don’t watch gay porn. Cleaned myself up a lot, went on a bunch of long big streaks for over a year, and over that time y tastes softened up very quick.

    Now I’m 18, gay porn brings absolutely no arousal and no interest, and I find myself looking away every time I watch it.

    Maybe my story is a little different, I never felt attraction to men outside of porn, and also never had gay fantasies, just porn related stuff. Also I never felt any sexual or romantic feelings for a man in real life, and I have more countless girls.

    What I went through brings me a lot of shame, but I am telling you right now with 100 percent certainty I am not attracted to men, I just looked up naked pictures of men and looked through about 10 pictures of good looking men, no arousal, and I wanted to get off it, switched it to naked milfs, instant erection.

    I watched gay porn, and now I am completely straight. Maybe my situation is different since I was so young, but I’m telling you right now I can’t have sex with man. Just because it didn’t happen to you, doesn’t mean the people who did go through it aren’t as straight as you.
     
  17. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

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    This is some scary shit then. This needs to get out. I take you younger generation (me 35yo) started with hardcore even sooner than us oldfags
     
  18. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    Hey man, thanks for your reply, it says something different

    I like the fact that you introduced some red pill concepts, I like the theories and everything, but mostly I only the tactics to flirt and to maintain the respect and dominance in my relationships (no matter if short or long). But honestly, I do not think that the way the red pill sees women is actually applies to all the type of girls. Women that come from a wealthy family, have good childhood, are confident etc., these types of women that I find that are trully worth it, do not take the bullshit of the red pill games and theories. I think that the theory of the red pill applies to non confident girls that are seeking to scale their social/economic status up. That is why, I would rather pursue getting into a serious relationship and enjoy developing feelings and trust, rather than just be horny all the time seeking for new girls and fucking girls that are just 'OK' in order to seekthe short term gratification (which is actually a bit of my current status, only 15 days and already fucked 4 girls that none of them really is special to me)

    About the dick and gay fetish, well, I started watching porn when I was 12 and I guess not all are affected in the same manner, but I can assure you that is all a fantasy in my head that has been already quite reduced and that it only spikes and appears when I lose control out of my PMO (younger I could fap 6 hours a day 4-5 times)

    And regarding your situation, sexual energy is one of our strongest powers, maybe you should try to redirect it into meaningful work or side projects. Being horny all the time is falling to being a victim of your libido, and this is the contrary to being free, according to the stoics...

    Your words gave me a good moment of reflexition and thinking, take this response just as me thinking out loud,

    Cheers
     
  19. cali4sto

    cali4sto Fapstronaut

    By the way, is day 4 and I am focussing on accepting and fighting those urges to masturbate or fantasize,

    What I belive we should do is to actually CONFRONT these thoughts and stop their execution (be concious of all the process, stop just avoiding those thoughts, otherwise you will end up masturbating uncounsiously).

    Think about why you are avoiding to masturbate, thinking about the benefits that it will provide you and how you are taking care of yourself and giving you love
     
    TopBoys_Frontline likes this.
  20. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    A lot of honesty in these posts which will help you recover.
     
    ivanhoe and cali4sto like this.

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