Low level, insidious habits causing relationship problems

Hi there and welcome.

Not sure that I can relate directly but I can perhaps give you some insight that may help. I have been in a long term relationship, starting in my early twenties and now nearly 40. During that time our sex life has had it's ups and downs, periods of varying libidos for both of us, through pregnancy etc.

During that time my use of porn increased and whilst our sex life never disappeared there were times when I had a stronger sexual relationship with porn than I did with my wife.

I have been making a concerted effort for the last 6 months to quit porn altogether. Whilst it hasn't been a smooth ride during that time my use of porn and as a natural result masturbation has reduced dramatically. This has had an effect on my relationship with my wife, I am more attuned to her and I honestly feel a greater desire for her than I have for some years.

I think any reduction in your solo sex life (which is not to say that having one to some extent is a bad thing) is likely to have an effect on your relationship.

Good luck

 

As a wife of someone who also fooled himself into believing his “ low level” problem with porn wasn’t such a problem. I can absolutely tell you that it affects your relationship in ways you don’t even know. From the first day on our honeymoon I knew something was wrong. But not what. Please for the sake of your health and marriage do everything to quit. Everything you said “ apathy” lack of consideration, lack of emotional intimacy... nailed it! My husband is finally clean ( who knows for how long but I’m hoping forever) and he is so much less selfish, more considerate and more aware and connected. If you want to know more you can pm me. Married 28 years in April, together 33. I’m ready to throw in the towel and leave. I love him, but even low level addictions kill relationships

 

You’re very welcome., I Wouldn’t wish this on anyone and if I can help one couple to overcome it by telling my experience, then I will shout it from the roof!

 

I have never had as close and intimate relationship with my wife as I do now.This is since I stopped not only the PMO but the daily ogling and fantasising about other people.

 

If you think PMO might be causing these issues then it is worth quitting to see if things improve. If PMO feels like a compulsion, then removing that behaviour from your life is a step towards true control of your life and your own actions. If your libido only speaks up once a week or so, then you are better off having that intimacy and spark occur between the two of you, not wasted on pixels and lies.

You can only get confirmation that PMO is the cause of your problems by eliminating it and seeing if things get better. 90 days is a good start. See how things change over three months.