Is Femdom Really Wrong?

So what led you to believe my stance is "aggressive"?

Women can be dominant, it's just not their normal state and they're not only not going to be as good as it as men, it is actually not healthy for them and no woman will ever be happy being aggressive. Same goes for men. A submissive man is never a happy man. For each it may result in a temporary decrease in anxiety but that's it, in the long run neither will be fulfilled.

You can't simply ignore biology when talking about behavior. Men have testosterone, women have tiny amounts of it.

 

I don’t know about anyone else, but it really bothers me how many men here on this forum try to say what is and isn’t good for women. Men have done this throughout history, and it’s been used to justify a lot of oppression in the past.

“Women shouldn’t read books, it’s unhealthy for them to use their brains.” “Women shouldn’t go without sex too long, it’s not good for them.” The latter was a medieval idea present in marriages. The first was taught to me by a teacher, and was the idea that women were becoming sick because of the literature they were reading, as they were using their brains too much (it was actually because of all the sugar they were eating). I can’t quite find a source to tell me when and where that occurred, since Google will only give me “top 10 tips to please him in bed”, and other crap like that, but I will post one if I can find it.

My point is that men have historically tried to tell women what is and isn’t good for them, and more often than not, they are wrong. I agree that a 24/7 femdom “relationship” isn’t healthy for the man at least, but saying that being dominant isn’t healthy for women, and that no woman will ever be happy being aggressive is basically the same thing all these people in history said.

Do you have any evidence to support this claim? How many women who are more sexually dominant have you spoken to? In my opinion, we should only try to say what’s healthy for men, and leave the discussion of what’s emotionally healthy for women to actual women. Just saying.

EDIT: Changed the wording a bit to make things more clear and specific.

 

It doesn't matter who tells who. Men tell women, women tell men. It's important who is correct.

It's basic biology, behavior is governed by hormones and so many other factors. That's the same reason men will never be as good at nurturing as women are. The sexes are specialized for certain behaviors. Each is better than the other in it's specialized field.

I have met dominant women. They don't like being dominant deep down, they all want a man that will not cave in to them. I even had sex with a woman who was a dominatrix and she was very submissive to me. She told me she can never see the men she dominates as sexual partners.

 

It does matter who tells who, because different people have different levels of knowledge regarding a given topic. If a quantum physicist told me that the pace at which time moves is related to how fast we're moving, I'd be way more inclined to believe them than if they were a lumberjack, because a lumberjack doesn't likely have the experience necessary to make that claim. Similarly, you are a man trying to say what is and isn't healthy for women specifically to do. You do not have the experience of being a woman, so you can't realistically be expected say how all women feel deep inside. I do not agree that you are correct. Human beings are complicated, and are not simply a sum of hormones and sexual organs. I have met men who amazing at nurturing, and many women who are downright terrible at it. It's not basic biology at all. We're not robots. People can choose to take on different traits that make them happy regardless of what society tells them is unnatural.

Do you have any real evidence to support the idea that all women don't like being dominant? Because just saying that something makes sense based on the hormones they have isn't a good argument. The "it's just not natural" argument has been used to say people who are LGBTQ+ are wrong for being so, and shouldn't exist. Despite this, these people have existed throughout history (there are accounts in Ancient Greece and Ancient China of gay and trans people existing for instance), and you'd think if it wasn't something that made them happy, then they wouldn't endure being burned, stoned, hung, left on deserted islands to die, etc. as opposed to just filling the role everyone expects of them. Point being, just saying that something doesn't make biological sense to most people isn't good enough. The human brain is exceptionally complicated, and we are not even close to the point where we can accurately predict how people will behave yet, much less what will make them happy in the long run.

What makes you think they don't like being dominant? There are certainly a lot of them that insist they do. Just because they might also enjoy being sexually submissive doesn't necessarily mean being dominant is bad for them. And so what if she doesn't see them as true sexual partners? Did she say that dominating them doesn't make her happy in any way? I don't really like the way you're using absolutes to talk about people. You're saying nobody likes these things when people are very different from one another, and are bound to like different things. It just isn't realistic to say that every woman or every man feels a specific way.

 

I used to date a wanna be dominant woman once. It was pretty hot. But deep down we both knew I was the dominant individual. I was just letting her lead because I liked it, and so did she. The relationship was based on mutual respect. And I don't see anything wrong with that type of relationship.

When the respect is lost though that's when the situation should be avoided.

This is also true in relationships where the man "dominates" the woman. As long as there is mutual respect, it's OK imo.. but when the man stops respecting the woman and treats her like she's nothing and actually thinks it (because he doesn't respect her), that's when it becomes messed up.

 

I think femdom porn and the likes are not about sexual dominance but humiliation, cruelty and saddism. It comes from a bad place and plays on people's insecurities to inflict pain.

It's very different from dominance dynamics in a healthy relationship, where a man and a woman can each take turn expressing their sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive sides.

Porn made us be confused about that.

 

Love this, and YES!! Absolutely bang on my thoughts, that I couldn't quite get out.

I love a but of female dominance in my relationship. But the "femdom" shit I was involved with was all about breaking apart who I thought I was. Much more destructive.

 

Warning this post contain some light triggers so be causious.

Hello guys , i hope you are doing good.
I found this thread which i noticed is still active and i wanted to express my thoughts here.First because i really wanted to share my experience with this kind of porn openly with someone , which is something i have never done before and secondly because i think if i sit down and write about it , it will help me clear my thoughts on this matter.

Although typicaly men tend to be more dominant and women more submissive in their sex,personal and professional life due to cultural and natural-genetical reasons there are a lot of people out there who express themselves the oposite way.I think this is something that could come natural or it could be learned.
I don't know if it's me but i have noticed our society is trying really hard to switch these roles the last 20 years.Check 3rd,4rth whatever wave feminist movement , this genre challenge shit ,the more and more feminizing society in which we are living and staff like that and you will understand what i mean.
I don't know if the uprising culture of femdom is trying to play a part on this or there are simply some people trying to make more money through porn and sex industry but what i know is that it really helps to that direction..so yeah in a way i find this kind of porn , let's just say "evil".

In my personal and sexual life i tend to be more dominant than the average , at least this is what i think about myself.Specifically in my sexual life i choose women with interesting and strong personalities and most of the times i am acting in a dominant way to the limits between vanilla sex and bdsm.Sometimes with the right partner i like giving up control and let her doing her staff because it makes me feel like she is claiming me and i like a lot the element of surprise.For example if she is edging me with oral without me knowing when exactly she will make me cum or doing the same as she is on top while penetration.But things like that are the most sumbisive acts and fantasies i had since femdom porn...

I really can't remember how i started to watch porn more regularly than what is considered to be normal but i know exactly how i ended up on femdom porn.It all started in a period of my life when i was very sexually active having intercourse and make outs with lots of women.
I think i reached to a point that when i couldn't have a woman on my bed i had to watch porn but regular porn was already boring to me because of zero interaction and not because i was over-exposed.This is when i google searched for interacial porn and then i saw the term joi in my results.
In the begining most of joi videos where just a few women giving you instructions or challenging you to hold yourself from orgasm for a little more to extend your pleasure.Femdom clips where rare back in those days and more difficult to find.Usually when i was caming across to one of those videos i was closing the tab as soon as i was noticing that because femdom was not my thing back then.But as you may image a couple of years latter i runned out of material...

So i am pretty sure many of you know how is it going from this point.In the begining i was like , ok let's watch this one , it's not so extreme and staff like that.At this point accidently i came across to an erotic hypnosis video which wasn't on femdom spectrum.It was more like a positive erotic hypnosis experience and when i watched it i was high with weed so i really had an intense feeling with this.I started searching about erotic hypnosis and the next days i downloaded a lot of erotic hypnosis audio files(most of them was femdom because it was easier to find).I started listening to them some nights before going to bed and after a while i completelly quited video porn!!!
Yes that's true , for a year and a half, i think i watched porn 3-4 times max and i kept myself very active with women.After a while i started to minimize the time i used to spend with femdom erotic audio files and i started to train my self with more positive hypnosis (sometimes erotic) audio files.During this period i noticed a sugnificent increase in my libido , i had better erections and believe it or not i noticed an increase in my size and i think it was the first time in my life seeing my genitals in full potential.I know some people will laugh at this but guys this is true , there is no reason to lie here.My sexual life was on the roof, i was feeling even greater when i was having sex , i could hold myseld way more time from orgasming and i managed to achive multiple orgasms many times.But then i acted like an idiot....

I think i had 3-4 months or maybe a little more without having a real partner so one night i was bored and i said to myself..Hey rebooter go have some pot and watch a femdom erotic hypnosis video it has been so long now, what's the worst thig that could ever happen..FAMOUS LAST WORDS!
Then guys the nightmare started and i placed myself into a loop i am still strugling to get out of it.You know how it goes and many of you can imagine what i have seen the last 4-5 years...

I reached to a point that i am without having real sex for more than 2 years now.I find it difficult to motivate myself doing my job ,hobbies or approaching women.I find it difficult to concentrate , set long term goals and i feel like i lost a part of my confidence through all this shit.Of course there are some ups and downs but when the need and erge is hitting me , it's really difficult to resist.I don't think this kind of porn altered my mind in a way that i feel more submissive towards women in real life.I really can't see myself doing almost anything of those things in real and i know most of my fantasies are coming from porn exposure.

The good think is although i am desperate now, i am completelly aware of what is happening to me and i have a lot of anger which i am planing to use and drive against my addiction.
Femdom porn is very addictive and it can ruin your life as any other strong addiction.It is made to play with your brain and it can effect both dominant and submissive men.
At this point i want to make clear that i don't think being submissive in bed as a man is bad unless it's natural and not a porn inducted fantasy.So if someone want to try some staff of those then i am sure it could be better for him to go out and do than with a real woman than watching it behind a screen.Maybe this a way he can realise where he stands on his sexual life.

There are still many things i want to say but i don't want to be ambiguous with you.
If you reached at this point i really want to thank you for reading this "confession" of me and i would like to wish all of you guys good luck to your fight against this shit.Feel free to comment and start a conversation if you like.

Recovery can happen if we really want it!

Be well and strong!

PS. Recently i found this channel on youtube.I was looking for people talking publicly about femdom porn for years without any serious results but this guy gives a lot of information to the public suggesting solutions and seeing this in a different spectrum.

 

Hey man thanks for sharing your experience.

I just left a therapy session and talked about femdom/sissy hypnosis with my psychologist and she said it's masochism. It kind of freaked me out because deep down I want to believe I'm no masochist. It's kind of like deep down I want to dominate. But femdom and sissy brainwashed me or something. Your testimony confirms that it might just be that!

Honestly man I'm urging everyone to find a good therapist because a good mental health professional can really make miracles. Some of them are geniuses of the mind.

In terms of the art, I think OP's femdom refers to a mild form of BDSM fantasy. But the femdom porn universe is masochism.

Look it up y'all: it's called "sexual masochism disorder". It says on Wikipedia that it's an official thing includes in the DMS. It also says that excessive humiliation porn consumption may result in masochism in certain cases.

 

Thank's for the response my friend , and thank's for the information you shared , although i was sure that this situation has a name nowdays (we like to give names in any psychological situation ) i wasn't familiar with the term.From personal experience and what i have read, it all has to do with our dopamine levels.We are used to recieve pleasure from femdom porn and the deeper we go the more we need.
One other thing is the everyday strugling against this thing.I feel like the more i am trying to fight it the more it brakes me because even when i am doing a good NoFap streak i keep thinking i have to get rid of this addiction (maybe it's overthinking) so in a way it makes me coming back.

The difference between porn and a real life D/s relationship is that , first of all in a healthy relationship as you mentioned on a previous comment there is mutual respect , humilating is a part of roleplay and it's not an everyday situation, something which happens with porn.Second and still very importand , in a D/s relationship the submissive is the one who makes the rules!
Think about that , what rules have we made?We just consume whatever shit they are giving to us...no rules , no nothing.It's an everyday situation and whatever limits we have eventually will brake.
Because of that and because of the addictive levels of femdom porn, i can't be sure that this is exactly the same situation.I am not a psychologist and i can't be sure but maybe you would like to talk about that with you psychologist.

We all know things to fight this addiction like meditation ,positive hypnosis,affirmations,working out,go out etc but if i have to suggest something which apply specifically to our situation i would say to try to find,read and watch more positive and manly things so you can brainwash yourself again to the oposite direction and maybe find yourself a submissive girl even online to start being active as a more dominant person again.
Another thing i heard on a video on youtube is that some people when they are relapsing they start with their fetish porn but after a while they are turning to more regular porn to help their minds return to it's natural state.I haven't tried that a lot (maybe 3-4 times max), i am just mentioning it here in case someone finds it helpfull..But beware, first of all this could be a trap and second progressively you have to make bigger nofap streaks and after a while you should go completely NoFap so i am not sure it's for everyone.
These things are working for me but we all are different and i am sure you have your own ideas on how to quit it and if so i am really interested to listen to them

You are right about the specialists but i don't know if i have what it takes to talk to one , i don't feel ready about that but i have to admit i have been thinking about it a lot lately.

 

Some interesting stuff reading about that, thanks for sharing. Picked up on a lot of things I've came to realise since stopping pmo...

"Theories stemming from the psychoanalytic camp suggest that childhood trauma such as sexual abuse, or other significant childhood experiences, can later manifest in a paraphilic disorder." (Psychology Today)

 

Well shit. I really hope I haven't repressed any experience of sexual abuse. But I really can't remember any experience of abuse. My psychologist asked me the question if I was abused as a child. I felt kind of super freaked out that it might be the case when she said that. But I really have 0 recollection whatsoever of having been molested. There aren't any abusers in my family and no story of sexual abuse either.

Maybe I was traumatized by my radical feminist grand-mother. Can radical feminism brainwashing of a young boy qualify as sexual abuse?

Have you been a victim of sexual abuse?

PS: I actually realize now that I was victimized by several bullying women in my childhood:
- by my grandmother (I wasn't specifically targeted but she was a virulent radical feminist),
- by my first grade teacher (6-7 years old). I remember her litterally dragging me in the hallway to the principal's office for god knows what reason, she would snap at me and bully me, I was only 6 years old),
- by a female neighbor (she would litterally attack me and yell at me when I was arguing with her son (we were 8-9 years old). One day she even trespassed into our home to yell at me. Complete psycho.

 

I'd consider it, yes, and something to discuss with your psychologist. Abuse can be any form of traumatic event.

But yes, to the other question too. Things I hadn't quite suppressed but just ignored. All came out years ago while suffering from depression, and then it was a light bulb moment for me early in nofap to see how these things were linked.

 

Childhood trauma could be a reason , i can recall a memory for myself from the age of 5-6 and i was always wondering if that memory somehow led me to femdom.
I remember after watching a light erotic scene on TV i was in my bedroom and i started to touche-pet myself while i was completely naked.Then my father came in and hit me a lot with a belt before my mother came in and stop him(different days back then).I remember fearing the belt for years after what happened that day inspite staff like that never happened again in my family.
At this point and for the memory of my father i want to make clear that i don't blame him for that , back in the late 80's people didn't have the knowledge on how to raise a child and he has been there for me since his last day doing his best to raise me properly, make sure i never missed a thing and be there as the right father model a young boy needs.

On the other hand i always remember myself feeling some kind of arousal when i was watching a girl or a woman suffering.It is strange because at the same time i was feeling peety for her but aroused as well.And i am not talking about serious staff like suffering after an accident , in cases like that i was always sad and maybe scared.I am talking for everyday staff like when we have a fight as kids and someone or me hitted her or taking her toy and staff like that.On later stages of my life i was getting aroused if she was incapable to react in a situation for example when she was on ropes or when i was holding her down.The face of a woman suffering during sex still arouses me.

I tried to repress that feeling for years because i had a feeling this is not right.I don't know if this was the right thing to do but i don't think i made it.

So in terms of paraphilic order what are these memories made me, a Dom or a sub..or maybe both?Are those 2 memories connected somehow?

What i really believe is that most people have memories like this but not all of them will find the triggers they need to connect those memories with their sexual behaviour.

 

I believe that a feminist mother-grandmother is not a good model for a boy unless she don't bring it in while she is raising a boy.
People say we are what we do and who we interact with.Brainwashing happens daily and it starts since our first day on this planet.
A violent teacher is not good a good educator either he is male or female.

Maybe what happened to us is a result of a child memory or maybe we are just victims of our greediness in search of pleasure.
I would suggest to consider those memories as part of the problem but i don't know if it's good to stay there for too long.Things had happened and can't change.We shouldn't blame the past we should search the past for a solution.

 

Hello. My first post here, on nofap.

I struggle with similiar issue and i know its partially porn related.

As everyobody here i excessively used porn over years. Started with normal, straight videos, gangbang, rape, hentai, ended at femdom and little bit of trans and sissy hypno (thank god it was very little of that last one!).

I found femdom arousing when... i developed transference towards my therapist. Basically she became like mother to me. Then i developed sexual fantasies. And then i started to watch femdom hentai.

You know this common term 'daddy issues'? Yeah, i guess i have mommy issues then. I feel that part of me wants to be dominated by woman, like receive painfull love from mom.

And yes, i obviously had problematic relationship with my own mother.

Im not sure if that will go away, im worried that my therapist so accepting of all of that (yeah, i told her). Im worried that her advice would be to just be this way. Im worried that acting those fantasies out would be more damaging to me.

 

If you want to be used and humiliated by a woman that much just get married. When she divorces you you can even “enjoy” findom.

 

hahahahah that was a good one mate!

 

Sorry man, I cannot let these words here without a comment. To me this is this typical brainwashing mainstream-media junk that we hear every day and it does not help women or men.

First of all, all along human history, men and women cooperated. Together we were fighting against nature, wild animals, hunger, illness and death. There never was a "men conspiracy" where all the men secretly met and worked out a plan on how to "oppress" women. What you're saying existed, but it never was common sense. Men always loved their women in majority. Btw. it was not protest that "liberated" women, it was technology.
Saying that women shouldn't read is just as inappropriate as to say that men ALWAYS want sex. It's just wrong, there are millions of women out there, I would never touch in my life.

When talking about femdom, we really should define what we are talking about. I agree that men will play the active part most of the time, given alone their physical advantage. A man pretending that he is weaker and can be beaten is nothing more than a role play most of the time.
Neither men nor women should "dominate" the other. Whatever happens during sex, should, in my opinion, express respect and love for the other person. If it does, then femdom might be valid and not damaging. If it does not, that YES, it is a psychological issue that should be dealt with.

Personally I was into femdom before Nofap, but I would have never accepted that a woman spits in my face of calls me bitch. And neither would I dare to do this to a woman.
I also belive that Sissy/ transwoman stuff is very similar to femdom if the man dreams about the passive role. It's like a girl with a strap-on, maybe the guy wants it to be more realistic and that's it.