Just joined. I've had a problem with porn women and alcohol and that brought me here

Hey you lot. So here I am. I'm 27 and I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. From a pretty early age. I'm sure my story will bear resemblance to so many others here so I won't bore you with the background and cut straight to the chase.

I didn't know I had a real problem until I tried to stop. What felt like an unbeatable force would posses me and I would literally twist and turn until I'd finally give in and binge porn like a maniac.

My tastes in porn escalated into bizzare categories and eventually this snuck it's way into my sex life. I would go to extreme lengths to pursue gratification. As a result, normal emotional sex didn't do it for me anymore and I'd hit up hookers so I could emulate my fantasies.

I put on the act of a very intelligent person with solid principles. This allowed me to live normally and even date great girls all while in the background I'd be engaging in the ultimate indulgence.

This affected me across the board. My life was a mess. Depression set in. Jobless, living in a friends house, jacking off all day, playing video games and drinking... all while maintaining some seemingly stable interactions with girls whilst behind the scenes I was driving around at night lurking the streets looking for hookers who would meet my depraved standards.

Eventually it wore me out badly and I was reduced to tears at my sorry pathetic state. I had to make changes. But change was hard. Failure was always peeking through my window ready to jump me at any given time. I'd go through bouts of motivation and bouts of depression. Eventually, I stopped drinking all together. Then I moved countries making it easier for me to try a hard reset. I took up celibacy and so far so good. But one demon remained... porn. With the other two no longer in the picture porn came at me full swing and I went at it more ferociously than I remember in recent times.

I discovered I needed a complete lifestyle change to beat this demon. I needed new values that would replace my old way of thinking. So here I am. A week into my newest streak and for the first time sharing my shame and hoping to beat this problem through a community rather than alone.

 

I definitely need to work on meeting the RIGHT kinds of people.