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Will rebooting cure me of my spanking fetish?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Needhelp22, Jan 16, 2020.

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  1. Needhelp22

    Needhelp22 New Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys, I believe this fetish has really gotten to my head and I need advice. Im a 22 year old male and have a spanking fetish and have been getting off to spanking and femdom videos since I was a teen. It started with the female as the dominant and I would fantasize about being dominated by the female. I think I always had the fetish of being dominated by a female since I was very young but I don’t really know for sure if that’s the case.

    Over the years my fetish also developed into being spanked by a male as well. I watched videos where the male was the dominant over the female and I got really turned on. I started really enjoying reading spanking stories and making them up including male to male, just spanking nothing more. This recently has made me question my sexual orientation even though I always considered myself straight and am only physically attracted to women. I have never watched gay porn. The male part of my fetish is what’s really bothering me. Will Nofap reset this for me? I feel I am in too deep now. I want to stop thinking about this.
     
    dogeatdog likes this.
  2. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    I don't see how stopping masturbating would do anything but I have a thread in my profile on this.
     
  3. Muphy

    Muphy Fapstronaut

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    Yes it will. NoFap is not only about not watching porn and not fapping etc. Its a brain training exercise. you slowly learn to control your thoughts. not giving your brain what it looks for every time (fapping or orgasm etc). With time you'll also understand that this all was corrupting you and you need to leave that. but things will take time. your brain will learn in some time that this is not right.
     
  4. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

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    I am inclined to disagree and play a heretic here.
    Be me. I like to spank girls.
    What NoFap did for me: I now spank the girls and than fuck them. Before: watch girls spanked on a monitor and than fuck my hand.
     
  5. dogeatdog

    dogeatdog Fapstronaut

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    There's only one way to find out and that's to do a full reboot free of PMO. I've always been into the idea of having a female 'dominant' partner in bed but a lot of people have told me that this was due to excessive PMO over time. I'm gonna aim for 90 days and I'll see how I feel about the topic; let's do this together.
     
  6. Achamian

    Achamian New Fapstronaut

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    I'm new here, but I'm kind of on the same page as @SeekingPower. Personally, I'm trying to get rid of my porn addiction, which happens to be mostly about spanking porn, but I'm not trying to get rid of my spanking fetish. A lot of people are turned on by spanking -- possibly even a majority of people (I would post some links, but the forum rules won't let me. Just look up "how common is your sexual fantasy".)

    I've always incorporated spanking and kink into my sex life. In recent years, I've discovered the real-life spanking community. I've been to a couple spanking parties, and even hosted one. They can be awesome once you get to know the community. I also happen to be pretty good at it, and I'm empathetic enough to give my partners exactly what they want, which is very important if you want to keep doing it. Done correctly, spanking between consensual adults is just a fun way to spice things up and get you both really turned on. And I'm a switch (both top and bottom), which just makes me better at being a top, since I know what feels good. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

    The problem for me has been desensitization and escalation. I found myself having to fantasize about spanking porn or spanking fantasies to get hard or get off during sex, even when I had actually done spanking as foreplay in real life! For me, quitting porn is really more about improving intimacy with my wife, being more present, and getting back all of that time I was wasting. And stopping the escalation, which is where the problems really started to come in.

    If you watch spanking porn, you tend to get desensitized and want harder and harder stuff, which is easy enough to find. I found myself seeking out more and more extreme BDSM, stuff that would be very difficult or impossible to actually find a partner who wanted to do (especially without getting paid for it). And then, when you're looking at stuff that's that extreme, you have to question how consensual it really is, especially when it's sourced from countries where people are poor. If a woman has no other options than to engage in this porn, is she really consenting? And it can escalate in darker ways, too -- looking for things that seem more "real", i.e., more painful, less consensual, or maybe even completely non-consensual.

    There's this push in spanking porn for "authentic" or "real" spankings, usually simulating punishments of teenagers or children, or non-consensual judicial punishments. Since that fantasy dynamic is largely inherent to the fetish, it's not surprising that there's an incentive for spanking porn producers to find younger-looking models, and to simulate school scenarios, parents punishing children, etc. And that's a big problem, because then you get desensitized porn addicts who are actually in a position to enact their fantasies on real children, and are given the power to do so with impunity. I suspect that a lot of the conservatives who are advocates for corporal punishment are actually closeted fetishists. This is, in my view, absolutely abhorrent.

    In any case, I've never engaged in anything non-consensual, and I would rather not even fantasize about it. It's possible that my spanking fetish has been grown or deepened by my porn addiction, and that if I manage to keep away from porn for long enough, it will go away entirely. But considering that my fetish predates the internet entirely (I'm 42 and have been turned on by spanking since the 80s), that seems pretty unlikely to me.

    Since quitting porn about 6 weeks ago, I have already noticed much better erections, and have had much better sex with my wife. My morning wood has come back. I have also been able to have completely vanilla sex, and stay entirely present in the moment, which feels really great. But that doesn't mean I want to get rid of spanking entirely. It's too much fun!
     
  7. Achamian

    Achamian New Fapstronaut

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    Also, something I've learned since seeking treatment for this problem is how shame makes things more erotic. Your brain can't tell the difference between adrenaline from shame / fear of being caught and actual sexual arousal. If you get turned on, then experience shame or fear, your brain interprets that as being more arousing, and starts to rewire itself to seek out that sensation. Keep doing it long enough, and it forms a habit, eventually overriding your natural instincts. I recommend The Biology of Desire for anyone who wants a better understanding of how this works.
     
  8. Yes, fetishes also go away after a dedicated reboot. You'll probably still be turned on thinking about your fetish, but you'll feel different about it. I don't think that non-addicts consider things like spanking unnatural from time to time. It's kind of a 'normal' fetish, not something gross. So, after a reboot, it will turn into something 'normal'.

    It's hard to put into words. You have to experience it :)
     

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