well, here it goes...

Hello all,

I have long struggled with porn and was coming of age right when internet porn started to boom. I was 15 when the first smart phones came out, so I am sure you can imagine...

Here is a summary of my struggle, which I have never to anyone about due to embarrassment. I will try not to get too explicit. However, you have been warned. I want to be as honest as possible since I want to open up to this community.

I was first exposed to porn at age 9 from a friend. I started to become curios and was terrified of girls so I began to experiment with other boys my age. Eventually, around the age of 12 I was sexually taken advantage of by an older male cousin. I refuge to say "sexually assaulted" because I feel that is too strong of a word. I also refuse to say I am a "victim" although many in my situation may use that word.

As my teenage years went on I began to engage in homosexual acts with this male cousin because he made me think it was normal and even told me that "you're only gay if you marry another man." I was young and naive, so I believed him.

During this time I started to bounce between gay and straight porn. For about 5 years I was really into gay porn and began to get involved sexually with other boys my age as well. My homosexual behavior ended when I was about 15 and I transitioned into hardcore straight porn.

I can recall male friends of my from school all sitting around PMOing together as if it were normal. I look back and think about how sad and depraved that was. We all talked about porn, shared websites, and recommended porn to each other daily. We thought nothing of it. Sadly enough, I saw many of them treat women the way they saw women treated in porn. At this point I was still pretty scared of women and had no self confidence.

I have been trying to become clean completely for about two year and the longest I have gone was 33 days. I am happily married and we are expecting a baby in may.

Thanks for reading this!

 

Hey! I do still speak to him. In fact, I don't fully balme him for what happened. He was under porn's heavy influence at the time. I also could have don't things differently, so I blame myself some what.

We have never talked about it since then. I would like to he healed from this first.

My time objective is to be clean by the end of may.

I don't speak French! I wish I did! We were in Paris and we loved it! So beautiful! I love the history there, especially with Napoleon. He's one of my favorite historical figures.