Inappropriate use of Direct Chat messages

Behavior never lies.​

 

LOL, true.

But, to @Brokenwife, it's not always clear what the message is! Men's brains can latch on to all sort of porn for all sorts of reasons to get their hit. It could be that he likes men. If could be that men are "taboo" and he likes that. It could be that he's trying to avoid regular porn and using male sexual images / text as a Psub. I'm sure I am missing some options too. I don't think that messaging other PA's to get off is common, but I'm sure it can happen. I also personally find that reddit is a lot less of a good resource than this site.....that might be partly my age showing though. I think there is some positive steps in his general move towards honesty even if not perfect. There are PA's described here, ie usually by there spouse, that would lie to the bitter end in this same situation!

 

Stuff like this can unfortunately happen. While almost all of my interactions on here have been either fleeting but positive, genuinely helpful, or amazingly supportive (one of my best friends in the world is my Accountability Partner that I've been messaging on here for almost 3 years now), there have been a few guys that I could tell something was off and that it was going to go somewhere inappropriate if I allowed it to.

I agree @Faceplanter this is probably just a form of PSub that he has latched onto. I have even known totally straight guys who are in recovery to do things like this, not because men are "taboo" but because it "isn't as bad if it doesn't involve another woman". PA brains do strange things.

I'm glad he recognized that what he was doing was wrong, and hope that moving forward he can continue to be more transparent and grow out of this addiction.

 

This is my first post, so I apologize in advance if I overstep in any way, but I can relate that this is something my SO/PA has done.

I had been aware for a while that it was something he had done in the past, and on my D-Day (hope I’m using that right), I found out it was something that was still going on. In this case, it was a case of using P with other P users (he hadn’t exactly come to terms with his PA before this discovery on my part). But it involved a lot of chat interaction with other men.

But my SO is also pretty openly bisexual - in that he experiences sexual attraction to other men, but hasn’t ever felt the desire to pursue a full relationship with a man. So this was something I was already aware of, and didn’t have to ask myself the question you are.

If it provides any comfort, this is something I share with my SO in that I have desires regarding other women but want a man on the whole for fulfillment. I may be assuming a lot, but I don’t think - from both what you’ve said about your sex life, and what I believe I know - that this type of attraction has to, as a rule, exclude you from his sphere of desires. (Edit: Assuming it were the case that that is an interest for him, which I don’t think can one hundred percent be assumed if he says it’s not.)

I can also relate that Reddit is not necessarily a great place for PAs. For my SO, it was always the starting place for P binging with other guys. So it’s a trigger that he’s said he is staying away from. So, he came here and I started reading and got interested in SO support.

I wish you peace and success in your relationship.