I made it to 30 days!

Today is 30 days without porn or masturbation. I made it,

So, who am I?

I'm 56 and I am single and a professor of history.

I've always had an active and fun sex life. So, how did I even get here?

Last semester, I took on an inordinately heavy load of classes. I was teaching six. It was. Uts. But, i thought, if anyone was up to it, i was. I went into each class fresh. I gave it my all. For each individual student, he or she deserved my best. They didn't know or care that i had five other classes. This was their education. This was their one class with me and I had to give as much and our as much into their class as if I was teaching on one class.

So, Thursday I would get home and shut the door and watch porn for three hours. I never experienced some of the things I saw from other people on this sight. I didn't feel a soul stealing emptiness and I certainly didn't feel shame when I finished. I felt satisfied. I'd given my all. This was my reward.

I'd wake up again on Fridaymand go for another three hours.

Saturday and Sunday, I'd have real sex. Monday it was another three hours.

And, the week would begin anew. But, by the end of the semester, while my classes were amazing, I wasnt getting hard for my girlfriend anymore. To top it off, I would go and go and be unable to orgasm.

I knew something was wrong. First, I cut out caffeine.

That did nothing. For a few weeks I searched and searched articles. But, most of them assided me that there was no scientific basis to say that porn or masturbation was a problem. Meanwhile, I had found the NoFap. But, the articles I found portrayed everyone on here as a bunch of i secure children who were reacting to porn because of irrational and immature shame. In other words, we were being portrayed as some remnant of religious extremism. Even though the articles acknowledge that most people in the movement are secular, it was implied that the shame many feel is leftover from a bygone age when masturbation was discouraged for reasons of morality.

Instinctively, I didn't trust what I was reading. I began to cut back on my porn use as the semester ended. I went to Christmas at my Dad's on December 22 and came home and watched the porn and masturbated for the past time.

Something clicked.

Why am I so hard when I'm watching porn but soft when I have real sex? It makes no sense. So, there I was at 5 a.m. googling porn and masturbation. What I found shocked me. I found story after story of guys who were impotent from porn. I found the whole dopamine connection.

I knew dopamine was important to sex drive. I had been taking n acetyl tyrosine and, unfortunately, it had worked. Why unfortunately? It allowed me to make more and more dopamine which I used to pour gasoline on the fire. Sometimes, I was masturbating early and then have real sex late.

This made sense. I finally knew that porn was the enemy - not for moral reason but because it was an assault on my brain that was causing my dopamine receptors to shut down.

I can claim no super powers.

I was good with women before. I am good with women now.

Unlike many people, i did not get social anxiety, anxiety attacks, anhedonia or anything of the sort.

So, what did happen?

Well, I quit on December 22. By January 2, i could barely move or get myself to get out of my chair to get to the gym or work on my syllabi for the upcoming semester.

I also had very intense pains in my upper back - what i have been calling phantom pains because they dont come from any injury - except perhaps to my brain.

This only gave me more evidence that i was right. Porn was the problem. If i was having no withdrawal symptoms, i would call bullshit on the whole thing.

Of course, i also flatlined. What does that mean. It meant the my libido went from low to zero. My penis went totally limp. How did I respond to these withdrawal symptoms? Did I get depressed and watch porn?

No.

That would be like an alcoholic having a beer to deal with withdrawal symptoms.

I knew I had a real problem. Instead, I drew a Bright Red Line on porn and masturbation. Meaning, I told myself that I simply cant watch porn or masturbate again. It's not an option. If you are struggling to maintain abstinence, this is the most important thing I will write to you. If you tell yourself you are on a streakmbut it will end after 30 or 90 days, you will eventually relapse. You know you will.

It is so much easier to cut out anything when you know you cant have it and never will - whether its porn or alcohol or Burger King. You're done with it. It is destroying you. You cant do it anymore. When it's a Bright Red Line, you have no choice and no temptation. Note I didn't say you won't have cravings. Those will come...and they will pass. Let them go like a Hindu performing yoga. They will not rebound on you. They won't come back stronger. You do not run out of willpower. I've read that stupid theory. Like your will power has unlimited supply that will eventually be tapped. It isn't true. It becomes EASIER every time you say no to say no the next time until the cravings eventually go away. You aren't stuck with them for life. I know. I quit drinking 21 years ago and I literally never havemcraving today. But, that's because of the work I did all those years ago.

So, if I didn't relapse, how did I respond?

I doubled down. Some guys on here talk about hard mode or monk mode - which is cutting out sex and orgasm in addition to,cutting out porn and masturbation.

I didn't do that, yet.

But, what I did was much harder in my opinion. I stayed caffeine free and I cut out all refined sugar from my diet.

I've long been a healthy guy. Girls whom date me think it's strange. But, little things had crept into my diet: real ginger ale, blood orange Pellegrini, and cheat days on Friday and Saturday.

My weight had crept up.

I don't like that. For the last 21 years, I've been 11 percent body fat and around 210 of muscle.

Now, I was at 232 and 22 percent body fat. I'd hurt my si joint a few years ago. It bother me for years. I continued to go to the gym but was unable to go as hard as I once did. I wasnt burning that sugar like I once did.

I also cut out music.

Why these things, you might ask?

Well, the problem is that we've been pouring massive amounts of dopamine into our brains with porn. Our bodies crave homeostasis. So, if they get used to having more dopamine, they just turn off receptors. Now, a,real life vagina won't get enough dopamine to the brain to effect the fewmworking receptors. Now, you're impotent.

Like me.

Now, we cant turn off dopamine completely. If you did, as scientists have done to rats, you simply wouldn't get out of bed. They rats literally starved to death even though food was placed right in front of them. They just didn't have the motivation to go eat it. That's why many of you cant get yourselves to move. You've so turned off your dopamine receptors that you feel nothing.my strategy has been to cut off anything that would give my brain that nuclear reaction of dopamine release.

Midway through my journey I saw my doctor in preparation for surgery. He told me that my fasting blood sugar was 112. Diabetes is 126. 100 is normal. And, that's AFTER I had cut out all refined sugar. Holy shit! What had I been doing to myself?

I doubled down again.

Now, I cut out all potatoes and white rice and anything else that was carb.

Suddenly, i stopped needing to pee throughout the night.

My blood sugar today in 85.

I've lost 15 pounds in my 30 days.

I look amazing!

I was also just starting to get morning wood.

It was nice.

It was soft but real and every day.

Then, i had sex with my girlfriend. Worse, i had surgery. I was very strictmwith myself. I was given a prescription for vicodin for the pain after surgery on my knee.

I took it according to prescription for three days. Then, i promptly cut myself off even though the prescription went longer.

There went the reliable morning wood. It's gone.

Sometimes, I thing God has a cruel sense of humor. I have a girlfriend named Leslie. We are not monogamous. Now, I'm getting texts from two smoking hot women, Winiffer and and Brittany. And, now I am more impotent than I was 30 days ago.

The last time I had sex was last Wednesday. I'm going to keep going with that for a time and see what happens.

But, what a cruel, cruel joke. Thanks, God. I hope you're getting a good laugh.

I ended my personal ban on music today. I just couldn't go to class without something to pump me up.

But, even that first class was a victory.

I did it without caffeine before or porn or sex after.

So, here I am. I'm completely porn free. I am not consuming any refined sugar or potatoes or rice or bread of pasta.

I feel energetic and my life is good.

Except that I am completely impotent.

It's been 30 days.

In closing I'll say this. I've been a gym rat for years. I see new people join my gym in January. Then, by February I never see them again.

I really like that this happened at Christmas and New Years. It will make coming Christmases and New Years more meaningful. The whole New Years thing became a part of my thinking as I began this. I do feel new and fresh and revitalized.

Here's to another 30 days.

 

So, the last couple of days were really awful. My mood was just dark. I had a really difficult time making myself move to the next set at the gym. I did it. But, my normal energy was just not there.

Then, my girlfriend came over and we started having sex. She can only orgasm in female superior - which is not easy when you have porn induced erectile dysfunction. Well, this time my cock stayed up and she had a crashing orgasm. We switched to the spoon position and rather than soften, I got harder. I could actually feel her pussy squeeze for the first time in a long time! It was bliss.

So many guys talk about post coital feelings as a trigger to want to watch porn. This was definitely not the case here. I felt satisfied.

It wasn’t fully back to the way it should be. I wasn’t rock hard and the sensation was not what it should be fully.

But, it was damned satisfying.

I really wanted to reward myself not with porn but with brownies and sun butter. I resisted and had some Irish chicken thighs and salad, instead.

For those of you who are looking for ways to make reboot easier with supplements, please take note. I did the opposite. I deprived myself of sugar, caffeine and music. My life was sucking. I felt horrible. I think you must feel blackness to allow your dopamine and norepinephrine receptors to reset.

Do not watch porn! This shit works!

You’ve got to go through it to get to it.