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Is my wife porn? ***TRIGGER WARNING***

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TheKahuna, Jan 11, 2020.

Are pics and videos of your wife porn?

Poll closed Jan 18, 2020.
  1. Yes

    62.1%
  2. No

    37.9%
  1. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    maybe you got the point, ok then

    i just so angry to see him doin that with his wife, and proceed it by saying bad words,

    but then again, what he do its not my bussiness, every man responsible of its own sin
     
  2. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    'Back to topic' yet didn't read the op! He is separated from his wife, but still keeping and using the P they made together.

    It's a completely different situation from eg a girlfriend sending nude pics or having fun together making a video with someone you are in a current relationship with (which is fine).
     
    Azzure likes this.
  3. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

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    true i missed that.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  4. Brohime

    Brohime Fapstronaut

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    If you are interested I am looking for a partner. Send me a message. I can fly wherever. I am a DT KING!
     
  5. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    To be a person in Christ you are judged by the fruit you bare. You hanging on to these old mementos testifies to the fruit you bare. When I slip and go to a camsite that testifies to the fruit I bare. You can't have one foot in your old life and one foot in your new life. To stand in the middle of the road would mean to get ran over. Remember, Christ said "be either hot, or cold. But since you are lukewarm I will spit you from my mouth."
     
    Azzure likes this.
  6. TheKahuna

    TheKahuna Fapstronaut

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    So I will say that my wife and I, although separated, continue to talk about it and she still stands by that it WAS good for us, so I don’t need anyone to worry about that. Secondly, THERE WAS NO SHORTAGE OF WARNINGS ABOUT HOW EXPLICIT THE POST WAS AND THAT IT MAY BE A TRIGGER FOR SOME!!!!!!! So for you or anyone to complain about to me says you didn’t read the whole post and just read about the salacious.bits so you can judge me and thereby feel superior. It all strikes me funny how I don’t think anyone ended up here through purity, and yet LOVE to tell others how they’re more disgusting than they themselves. I felt, and maybe wrongly so, that my backstory and experience may help people as an illustration as to where this addiction can take you. I had just talked to my wife about on the phone about the revelation of my addiction and all the problems it’s caused. So keep feeling superior that my immorality is worse than yours. The way I see it, immoral is immoral. There aren’t levels of it.

    So I would like to point out that I have found God. I reject your point that I’ve turned into a demon, that’s a bit strong. I will concede that I WAS a slave to porn. I did NOT destroy her life, she loved it then and continues to love it, so no, I don’t feel any shame. We had an awesome time doing it and fantasizing about it beforehand and communicated better and felt closer than ever before. I can tell you without a doubt that plenty of normal people DO do it and just because YOU feel it’s disgusting doesn’t make it so. Again, I’ll concede that it is immoral. I’m working on fixing me and doing it pretty well so far. My reason for posting is that there are still some things I struggle with and I thought this would be a safer place to try and get some advice. To the people that HAVE given good advice without judgement or condemnation, thank you.
     
  7. TheKahuna

    TheKahuna Fapstronaut

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    So should I get rid of my wedding pictures? Should I ditch all my vacation photos, family pictures, bbq pictures, every picture of what is now my past life? These things all happened and are still treasured memories despite where my life is now. I was honestly just looking for thoughts on my ONE QUESTION. Are pictures and videos of a woman whom you’ve been with since high school, the same as just random can girls or random internet porn? That’s it. Wether or not y’all feel like they’re ill gotten or not doesn’t enter into it for. I know what I’m dealing with as far as that goes and was not looking for answers to questions I didn’t ask.
     
  8. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    I know that you've been attacked in this post and that was not my intention, honest. Wedding pictures and videos that's up to you to keep. Do they trigger you? Would you consider them as porn? No compare them to nude photos of your ex wife. That is my opinion.
     
    TheKahuna likes this.
  9. Jerseyguy1963

    Jerseyguy1963 Fapstronaut

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    The reason porn destroys lives is the intense dopamine release and the brain trick that you are having sex with 17 different women.

    I suspect that you were experiencing that when you were in the midst of the cuckolding experience. You are getting a huge dopamine rush and so was she.

    Now, are you getting the same experience just looking at the same pictures and videos for the hundredth time?

    Only you can answer that.

    I know that with pictures of my exes, I rarely even look at them. They are mementos and keepsakes for where I’ve been.

    if that’s all these are to you, then you’re fine.

    if you are masturbating to them and obsessing on them and find yourself looking at them often, then they remain a problem.
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2020
    Dragonkmp67 and hubbawulf1234 like this.
  10. So what's the answer? Is looking at pics / videos of your ex-wife like looking at porn?
     
  11. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    So do you think it was the right thing to do or not? You have said that it was awesome, your wife loved it and you don't feel any shame over it. But also that it came from your P addiction, and it is immoral. Which is it?

    I'm not asking you to beat yourself up about it. Do you think your marriage would have been better or worse had you not persuaded her into this lifestyle? Do you think that you would have been happier overall had you kept to a more 'traditional' sexual life (even if you might have had less excitement at the time)? It's ok to have regrets, it can be an important part of moving on sometimes.
     
    hubbawulf1234 likes this.
  12. TheKahuna

    TheKahuna Fapstronaut

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    I honestly don’t know. I know that I’ve avoided looking at and watching them as much as possible. I did look at them once and realized it was going to end in trouble. This idea of hers to want a divorce is barely 2 months old, so at this point they definitely feel more like momentous or keepsakes. Since I’m going the No PMO route, this question was really more academic, but it made me wonder how I might feel about them at a future date. I do think I need to get them off of my phone and onto my computer where I won’t have to ever see them unless I go looking for them.
     
  13. TheKahuna

    TheKahuna Fapstronaut

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    Well it’s all an intensely debated topic in my head. I’m extremely conflicted. Everything we’ve done has been awesome, but when viewed through the lens of a porn addiction it all feels like fruit of the poison tree. So now through decades of training myself to be submissive and years of cross dressing and bi sex fantasies and of actually partaking, I worry that all of these things are such a part of me now that I don’t know if I’m so broken as to not be able to have any type of “normal” relationship. There seems to be no end to the material on how to be submissive, but I have been unable to find anything about reverse engineering the process, and I honestly don’t feel good about telling my pastor any of this.
     
    fredisthebes and hubbawulf1234 like this.
  14. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    The Bible is good material on how to reverse it. It's a journey, a process. you won't get there overnight. i won't either. We have to keep working and learning about ourselves and the process. It's not easy. You're working it out and that's awesome. I believe if you're not comfortable telling someone then don't. It's between you and YHWH anyway.
     
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  15. Well, so you're not actually divorced yet, right? So by rights you're still married to the women in the photos and videos, right? Oh hell, storm in a teacup. She's your wife!

    I'll be honest with you man, get them off your phone and place them out of sight for now. If she says it's over and you're not willing to give everything you have to earn her back AND she's not prepared to have you back, then my friend, getting jiggy with photos and videos of an ex-wife is like, well, let me put it this way ... unproductive. Just my thoughts. But hey, it's easy for me to say. I'm not in your shoes.

    Brother, you seem to be able to articulate your situation very well. I feel like I'm Dr Phil, but without his skills! Actually, I wonder how he would respond to you? Anyways, I feel your pain. You're doubting whether you can fully recover, or ever be able to enjoy a decent, mutual relationship again, or straighten out, so to speak?

    What kind of relationship do you want?' If you want the same as you've had with Mrs Kahuna, well, you know how to get that. However, on the other hand, if you're wanting to change and experience a different relationship then, yeah, I'd say therapy or similar would help - at least something more than NoFap in my opinion.

    But what would I know, I'm at 21 days clean days of a 40 year+ thorn in my side journey.

    Oh and one other thing, @hubbawulf1234 has a good point and I'd agree. The Bible and/or the Word of God, i.e. Jesus Christ is the Healer of this stuff you're wrapped up in. He's right, "it is a journey, a process. you won't get there overnight." @hubbawulf1234 what do you mean when you say, "It's between you and YHWH anyway."
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2020
    henryhill and hubbawulf1234 like this.
  16. quit@porn

    quit@porn Fapstronaut

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    Man I was visiting to distract myself from trigger, but after reading your post I will not be able to see or dare to watch porn for next week if this kind of things can happen after watching porn then, the hell with porn.

    BtW thanks for sharing and come out of this...
     
    TheKahuna and Azzure like this.
  17. Lol, no shit dude. It's insane.
     
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  18. You're a wise man to learn from the experience of another man.
     
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  19. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    Confess it to God 1st and foremost. If you don't want to tell your preacher i don't see an issue with that.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  20. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    Porn leads to the worst in us developing. Porn probably is the worst drug created since it causes man to destroy his own wife. Sorry for this OP.
     

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