How long to recover from BT?

I'm not very far from our last D-day (it was October 6th, 2019) so I can't answer that question other than to say that there is a lot to be said for taking things "one day at a time". It's what I try to do every day. It wouldn't be fair to compare our journeys because we are all different people who are going through similar yet uniquely different situations. I guess what I am saying is that I think your recovery will take you as long as it takes you. Meaning that I hope you aren't beating yourself up because you arent "over it". I'm sure you will get there but I don't think you should try to put a time limit on it (ie. I need to be recovered completely because it's been X amount of time)

I hope you get my meaning about all that. I do appreciate your question and think it's a common one on here. I just don't think you can quantify a recovery time because everything about this is so unique to the individual and the couple. I think the best thing to do is to allow yourself those days when things aren't going the way you want and to really give yourself a break if you have a "flare up". You don't have to be perfect. Just be you. And to me you seem like a feisty, smart, fun and funny woman, and that is just from reading a couple of your posts! Your personality certainly jumps off the screen!

Definitely feel this way too sometimes on here. This place can feel very hopeless at times. I try to stick to reading the stories of the men on here that really seem to be actively engaged in recovery. I know my husband is but he will often times be more apt to write about bad things because they weigh on his mind more, and I imagine that a lot of people use their journals to write out those kinds of feelings more than happy feelings.

If you ever need a person to vent to, please feel free to send me a message.

 

GID is right, it takes you however long it takes you. Statistically speaking they say 18 months to 5 years. My first dday, 5 years into marriage it took me 3 years to pretty much completely trust again. At the time, my husband was doing everything the counselor told him. He was staying clean, however we didn’t know it was an addiction so he didn’t have any real tools to stay clean. 2nd dday was 10 years in ( 5 years after the first, he relapsed with the birth of our son, STRESS! Lol). Now he’s a year clean, I doubt if I’ll ever really trust anyone again except my parents and children. My csat agrees. However, I’m not ruled or controlled by fear or triggers, I’m surprisingly ok. I’m also absolutely,100% in tune and aware of my gut, which I do trust. That’s real healing! Knowing you can trust yourself.

 

I read somewhere that it takes 18 months to 3 years. Initial improvements after 6 months. I would assume that there are two factors weighing in, that can ease the recovery:

1. His active work to improve the relationship
2. Your active work to rebuild your health

Setbacks and new discoveries will slow this process or halt it altogether, as will untreated depression on both sides.

A traumatized brain have been wounded and need to regrow and rewire, hence the time frame mentioned in the beginning of the post. Trauma is very much a physical cerebral process that we can't "think" ourselves out of.

We know that excellent nutrition (polyunsaturated fats and ample fibre from fruits and vegetables), excercise (30 min a day) and even antidepressants helps the brain rebuild through higher levels of something called BDNF.

It's important to screen both the PA and the SO for clinical depression (beyond the obvious trauma).

 

It can have different meanings but the following definitions were what I had in mind when describing @fadedfidelity:

showing courage or determination.

lively, energetic, spunky,

tough, independent, and spirited.

 

Sources say healing can take 2 - 5 years, and that is if the addict is either out of the picture or in recovery. Relapses or continally acting out causes reinjury and resets the clock.

I'm just over 3 years out from Dday and BT isn't nearly as intense as it was in the beginning but still there. Like any kind of injury, physical or emotional, it can never be fully healed. Scars will always remain.