Shattered and Confused

Hello Everyone...I am 53 years old and after 'lurking' on the NoFap forums for a few weeks now, I just offically joined this morning, and have major Performance Anxiety issues causing me ED...I have PMO'd since about the age of 13...I was married in my early 20's and never really experienced ED issues until about 31 years old, and then not again until in my late forties all the while while continuing a regular pattern of PMO 3-4X per week.

It may be important to know that although I love my wife, we have always been more best 'Friends' than lovers and through the years have only had sexual intercourse about 4-5 times per year!...Needless to say, this has never been satisfactory for me, thus I always learned to count on PMO for self-satisfaction.

I am in very good shape physically and workout regularly...I have found through the years that women fortunatley find me attractive, and in recent years have turned down many potential hookup scenarios with younger women I have met in business...It was not until 2019, after 30 years of marriage that I succomed to temptation and went with a girl to her hotel room...Beautiful woman with all the assets, but bottom line was I became terrified and filled with anxiety once we got in bed...She knew I was married and I blamed it on the 'transition' from it being my first and only act of infidelity, but the bottom line is I 'suddenly' could not feel anything in terms of my man equipment...It devastated me, and literally consumed my thoughts 24/7 until we tried again about 2-months later...I am on an anti-anxiety medication, and I took a double dose to take the edge off along with a few drinks...It worked ,and we had phenomenal sex over the next 2 days...By far the best I had ever experienced in my life, and she said the same.

We met again a few weeks later and had another fantastic sexual experience...However, it is important to note that despite all this, I was still maintaining a significant level of 'doubt' concerning getting or maintaining an erection before each meeting.

Fast forward another 2 weeks and we met again...We had great sex again the first day...However, later that night she told me she was going to get a shower and wanted to have sex right after...I immediatley began stressing out and worrying about getting an erection when it was time...Because of my anxiety, I went dead again in my man space, and could not feel anything down there...I totally freaked out, and obsessed about it for about a month, until we met again...We have had 'encounters' since then, all with 'spotty successes', but what I still viewed as overall failures (i.e. Begininning well with penetration in a set 'position', but losing my erection completely with worry once we changed to a different 'position", etc)...All the while, mentally and psychologically remaining immersed in a unescapable OCD mindset that I maintained 24/7 that I had may not be able to get or maintain a proper erection with our next encounter and continuing to PMO in order to 'PROVE' to myself that I could get and maintain a proper erection.

Needless to say these issues have caused major DAMAGE to my psychology and self-image and have led to locked-in 'Self-Fulfilling Prophecy' outlook on my ability to perform with a woman.

Fortunatley, through research, I found NoFap, and I began my NoFap journey about 19 Days ago...I destroyed all my regular accesses to Porn and have not Fapped since then.

Fast forward to this past week, which was Day 16, I met this beautiful girl who asked me to come up to her hotel room and 'watch tv'...I did, and after talking a while, we started making out strong...I had a good erection and was trying to get make my way to the 'holy of holies'...I was close, and we were really enjoying each other, but I was of course letting her make the final decision about wheter we would have intercourse or not...Anyway, I finally got tired and sleepy around 3:00AM and was half asleep when I felt her running her hands over my entire body an circling her fingernails under the waistband of my boxer briefs...I froze, totally freaked out and immediatley fell into my PA mode, with no chance of having an erection, and feigned that I was asleep.

She wants to meet me again in a few weeks, and I want to go, but I once again I am obsessed around the clock that I will not be able to get an erection when I need to and that I will fail and just fall further down my self-made mental bottomless pit.

BTW, I still have not PMO'd again since I started my commitment earlier this month...I know my problem is only in my MIND, but that is NOT enough to get me out of this crushing mental loop...Please let me know if anyone has experienced this same thing, and how they overcame it.

I also know that adultery is wrong, and I am NOT proud of my actions, so please do not judge me...I already know that I am not a model person.

 

I apologize for the long post, I just need to know if No PMO and NoFap will fix this...It is NOT the train wreck of my personal life causing this, I know that for sure...Because it is all about PA leading to ED at this point.

 

Beacause I keep reading here that Fapping and PMO causes the anxiety in a real sexual relationship with a woman is manifested as PA...Am I wrong?...I thought that all the PMO (alone) and Fapping (alone) is the major cause.

 

Well I am only at Day 19 now, my anxiety has ALWAYS been and still is "what if there is something wrong with me", and I was hoping that my NoFap and no PMO, I could get used to having sex with someone in real life instead of just alone with my hand...I just haven't been able to transition between the 2 so from what I have read here, I was hopeful that abstaining from those things would fix my problem...Am I looking at it incorrectly or missing something?

 

Yes...Very true...However, I have had PA which led to ED with my Wife before I ever strayed outside of marriage...All while I was Fapping and PMO regularly.

 

Please weigh in and help folks...I know I am a Moral Disaster, but this has been a problem my whole life, not since I have been acting out.

 

Trust me...Things with my Wife cannot be fixed...I have tried...I am not testing myself, just trying to find happiness and now experiencing the same sexual disfunctions as in my marriage.

 

So Tankless, PLEASE tell me if you are cured now and what specifically was the catalyst for you?

 

Thanks for the feedback and support Guys...I need it...Yeah, I guess to go along with my other problems, I am not the best communicator...My Performance Anxiety has plagued me on and off for 30 years now...Admittedly, it has become worse with the new mistress factor...Damnation: How long did it take you to recover?