My progression

hubbawulf1234 · Jan 27, 2020

Trigger Warnings through out!
So I kinda want to tell my tale of how I got here and the progression I've experienced. I want to expose it, to put some light on my rot in hopes of healing.

So I'm 32 and have been a porn user for going on 20 or so years. I was hooked from day 1. It got worse as we finally got higher speed internet and porn became free (remember the good old days when the only porn on the web was costly and a "free preview" was 3 pages with stars covering the nipples?) Of course I wound up with femdom porn etc. All the usual stuff.

I'm a small business owner which means I'm broke lol I've struggled with money as long as I've been in business going on 10 years, but I owned my business for more than just money. Until this year. This year I hit a grand slam and made more money than ever. I always read that money is a magnifying glass. however you are poor, you'll be the same with money, only bigger. It's true....

So because of this I started using camsites. I never thought my habit would hit by bank account. But it did. It was more than just porn. It was them seducing me. Acting like I was a big spender made me feel good. Women appreciating me and my money was a whole other high. I know how dumb that was and still is. I'm going on 12 days clean and am still struggling with urges.

I'm happily married. I love my wife and I know the devastation this would cause. Here's where my story takes a darker, more despicable turn. I've discovered an escort in my local area, about 45 mins away. I haven't contacted her or anything like that, but I am tempted. i think about her when I'm at home. i look at her twitter page at her pics. Something i would have never entertained a year ago now is a strong urge. I'm not going to fall into that trap. I'm just more or less troubled by the fact that I'm tempted with it.

Sovereign Soul · Jan 27, 2020

First of all congrats on elevating your business generating more revenue. Yes I completely agree with you that money quite the enabler, especially when it comes to compulsions and addictions. As you said falling into the trap of soliciting escorts is not a good idea. As you've experienced with camsites, escorts can also become addicting and you'll end up spending money some activity that you will relentlessly regret, especially being a married man. Guilt and shame will consume you and eventually impact your professional life as well as your marriage and family life, please don't go down that route. It's also not fair to your wife.

Nofap or not, one worst thing you can do to yourself losing self respect for yourself by acting against your values and higher-self interests. You already realize you might have done so a little with Cam sites, so please don't proceed further.

I hope you'll commit to a full reboot and beyond. Generally urges tend to lower the longer you go, because you learn to dismiss them by actually using your willpower. Save your money, buy a couple of stock market shares, go on vacation with your wife, start a college savings account for your kids, treat yourself to serving healthy and nice....lot of things you can do with money that you won't ultimately regret.

WilBil99 · Jan 27, 2020

Get off the twitter and get a porn blocking filter app for your phone, laptop. Replacing one dopamine hit for another is common and they can escalate rapidly. Remember, you’ve got everything to lose when your picture makes to local press about an undercover sting. Good luck and welcome brother! You are not alone in this escalation so learn from those who have been there, done that.

Luvspin68 · Jan 27, 2020

hubbawulf1234 said: ↑

Trigger Warnings through out!
So I kinda want to tell my tale of how I got here and the progression I've experienced. I want to expose it, to put some light on my rot in hopes of healing.

So I'm 32 and have been a porn user for going on 20 or so years. I was hooked from day 1. It got worse as we finally got higher speed internet and porn became free (remember the good old days when the only porn on the web was costly and a "free preview" was 3 pages with stars covering the nipples?) Of course I wound up with femdom porn etc. All the usual stuff.

I'm a small business owner which means I'm broke lol I've struggled with money as long as I've been in business going on 10 years, but I owned my business for more than just money. Until this year. This year I hit a grand slam and made more money than ever. I always read that money is a magnifying glass. however you are poor, you'll be the same with money, only bigger. It's true....

So because of this I started using camsites. I never thought my habit would hit by bank account. But it did. It was more than just porn. It was them seducing me. Acting like I was a big spender made me feel good. Women appreciating me and my money was a whole other high. I know how dumb that was and still is. I'm going on 12 days clean and am still struggling with urges.

I'm happily married. I love my wife and I know the devastation this would cause. Here's where my story takes a darker, more despicable turn. I've discovered an escort in my local area, about 45 mins away. I haven't contacted her or anything like that, but I am tempted. i think about her when I'm at home. i look at her twitter page at her pics. Something i would have never entertained a year ago now is a strong urge. I'm not going to fall into that trap. I'm just more or less troubled by the fact that I'm tempted with it.
Click to expand...

You say you are “happily married”
And “love you wife”

so dig deep and figure out what it is you can get from this escort..... that you can’t get from your wife.

more validation?
More admiration?
More orgasms?
Hotter sex?
Sex without strings?

Defining the need you are fulfilling may help you to fill the need In healthier places

hubbawulf1234 · Jan 27, 2020

1st of all thanks for the supportive comments! I genuinely appreciate it. I'm working on things with my wife. Our relationship has become very platonic as of late, and we're working on it. We both have demanding jobs, tired from raising a family, etc. The normal wear and tear on a relationship. I would never visit an escort, I'm just more or less ashamed at my entertaining of the notion.

Y'all have given me some great feedback and i feel great. Thanks everybody!

tyrharper · Feb 26, 2020

Luvspin68 said: ↑

You say you are “happily married”
And “love you wife”

so dig deep and figure out what it is you can get from this escort..... that you can’t get from your wife.

more validation?
More admiration?
More orgasms?
Hotter sex?
Sex without strings?

Defining the need you are fulfilling may help you to fill the need In healthier places
Click to expand...

Here I will speak for myself: I am 42 years old, happily married for 15 years, I love my wife and feel very attracted to her. But women's desire decrease drastically with age, she hardily has any desire for me, while at my age men usually are still very sexually active. So I also fell into temptation of finding escorts, I have looked at their pages, found a couple that I like, but never did anything.

hubbawulf1234 · Feb 26, 2020

I know what you mean @tyrharper

Sex in marriage is complicated. especially as you grow in life. Have children. Get more demanding jobs.Marriage has a way of becoming platonic.

Perrone · Feb 26, 2020

hubbawulf1234 said: ↑

Trigger Warnings through out!
So I kinda want to tell my tale of how I got here and the progression I've experienced. I want to expose it, to put some light on my rot in hopes of healing.

So I'm 32 and have been a porn user for going on 20 or so years. I was hooked from day 1. It got worse as we finally got higher speed internet and porn became free (remember the good old days when the only porn on the web was costly and a "free preview" was 3 pages with stars covering the nipples?) Of course I wound up with femdom porn etc. All the usual stuff.

I'm a small business owner which means I'm broke lol I've struggled with money as long as I've been in business going on 10 years, but I owned my business for more than just money. Until this year. This year I hit a grand slam and made more money than ever. I always read that money is a magnifying glass. however you are poor, you'll be the same with money, only bigger. It's true....

So because of this I started using camsites. I never thought my habit would hit by bank account. But it did. It was more than just porn. It was them seducing me. Acting like I was a big spender made me feel good. Women appreciating me and my money was a whole other high. I know how dumb that was and still is. I'm going on 12 days clean and am still struggling with urges.

I'm happily married. I love my wife and I know the devastation this would cause. Here's where my story takes a darker, more despicable turn. I've discovered an escort in my local area, about 45 mins away. I haven't contacted her or anything like that, but I am tempted. i think about her when I'm at home. i look at her twitter page at her pics. Something i would have never entertained a year ago now is a strong urge. I'm not going to fall into that trap. I'm just more or less troubled by the fact that I'm tempted with it.
Click to expand...

I wish you the best of luck brutha

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