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always thought I'll outgrow watching porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by feekhalifa131, Jan 29, 2020.

  1. So my name is Frank, and I know starting with my name is not really that important but I want to get that support group. Feeling, you know like 'Hi frank'.
    I still remember the first day I came in contact with porn like it was yesterday, i was 10 years old and I was at one of those summer lessons when I saw a group of guys gathered around watching the stuff, and when I took a look I was fascinated by it and from then I knew I wanted more.
    The rest was history, Going back to school later that year, when I turned 11, porn was very accessible in school, we gathered around each other's phone to watch it, and we all laughed and made jokes about it but we has no idea what we were getting into.
    Watching porn later developed into things like groping our teachers anytime we had the chance to, plus I went to an only boy's school and I still wonder if those teachers actually knew what we were doing or they were just damn stupid.
    Would follow a teacher to her staff room when she's alone and probably wait for her to back us or something and come very close to her till the point we got an erection and she would still be calm like she never noticed.
    I finally jerked off for the first time when I was 13, and I didn't know what I did but it felt so good I wanted to do it again and again but I never got that crazy excitement I experienced from my first time.
    Fast forward to my university where I couldn't get a steady girlfriend because I couldn't really talk to girls finally learnt almost when I was about leaving school and got my first girlfriend, also found out I had a good sense of humor and could make people laugh but had serious social anxiety issues. But the relationship lasted just a couple of weeks, I finished school and there was distance between me and my girl, so I didn't kept in touch, even though she tried too, I wasn't just interested, guess I got bored.
    Fast forward to when am 22, and I am finally about to have sex with a girl that I like, just to summarize it I had delayed ejaculation and didn't cum for over an hour, and she just had to quit on me cause she was a human being and couldn't keep up with the super powers I had developed as a side effect of watching porn.
    The first one month I was in a relationship with this lady was the longest I had ever stayed away from porn, it was amazing, I wasn't even thinking about porn at all. Porn was dead to me, I thought that was the answer, all I had to do was stay in a relationship and I'll never have to watch porn in my life again, but after a month and some couple of days I relapsed., I felt terrible and I guess that was the first time I really had depression, it lasted.
    Funny thing is I'll be turning 24 by may and I'm still in a relationship with that same lady, more like she never gave up on me even though I have had a lot of depression periods, she normally tells me it's that period of the month any time it starts, and she also found out I cheated on her once, but she still forgave me. But trust me I haven't cheated only once, my sexual fantasies and porn addiction made me cheat a lot of times just in the space of a 1 year and 3 months relationship more like I have cheated over 20 times both with other girls and sex workers.
    Now lastly quitting, I have tried quitting porn over a thousand times, and my reasons for quitting are both religious and biological.
    I have read and watched it all, all the Ted ex talks, all the books, a lot of Nofap posts, all the negative effects, all the posts and videos on how to quit but nothing has really worked for me, I have never stayed past a month, and it's more like as I get older, my sexual drive increases, and it makes resisting harder and harder.
    But finally something clicked for me yesterday, and I can finally say I have an answer to a question I have been asking myself for a very long time, HOW DO I QUIT PORN.
    i am sorry I have to go all religious on you, but you can still relate if you are not a religious person.
    So I watched the movie COUNTDOWN yesterday, it's a cool horror movie I think everyone should watch and something clicked for me, its actually a movie out people downloading an app that tells them when they'll die, but after you run out of time something that looks like the grim reaper comes and kill you, but it's actually a spirit from the devil.
    So you have this lady that has some couple of minutes to die and she is being haunted by the spirit thats about to kill her, she remembers when a priests tells her that thing about the Devil is that he's a liar, and if you can prove he's a liar, you can break any curse, so she kills herself before the devil can kill her, and then the curse gets broken and the app dissapears.
    I saw a connection between this and the story of thousands of recovered porn addicts who saw a turning point in their lives when they were able to let go of the shame associated with what would happen if people they knew found out they watched porn and from then they were not scared to share their story to the whole world.
    So going all religious on you again, the problem here is not that we watch porn and masturbate, the problem is the fear of other people finding out what you do and that's why we can't stop, if you are religious, you can say the devil is taking advantage of that fear, and all you have to do is accept who you are, stop being scared and tell the world your story
    Nofap.com is a very nice place to start
    This is also the start of my 90 days journey
     
    hubbawulf1234 likes this.
  2. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Frank lol

    Great post. I totally agree with you. Here's some videos I came across yesterday that have helped me



    Remember that you are not alone! You have hundreds of brothers here fighting with you. You have God Almighty fighting with you. I had to learn to not pray only for strength, but for protection because I have learned I cannot do this on my own.

    I'm 32 and also thought I'd outgrow this problem. For me when I was young porn was a replacement for GF until I could find one. I found one and kept using. Got married and had children and kept using. It's bigger than that.
     
  3. Thanks bro, this really helps, truly motivational video
     
  4. Odiebear

    Odiebear Fapstronaut

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    Hey Frank,
    Something to consider whats going on with you:
    Correct me if im wrong about certain things and numbers but youve been masturbating since you were 13, you were 22 when you lost your virginity? if youve been been masturbating and watching porn every day since then, thats about 3300 times before you came anywhere close to a woman (9 years worth of P and M). You put your brain in a place that it needs porn and masturbation to feel good. Especially at a young developing age, you made your brain think that the only way it can feel good is by porn, your hand and Its the only thing it knows, you need to find the tools and the techniques to replace that porn induced stimuli with some healthy sexual stimulus. You wont be able to get out of the cycle unless you change the cycle.
     
    feekhalifa131 and Walnux like this.
  5. Walnux

    Walnux Fapstronaut

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    Hi Frank!

    This is so true! I like that you said that it's about replacing the stimuli. The mere act of finding tools and techniques to find healthy sexual stimuli is not enough. Healthy sexual stimuli and porn addiction can live a happy co-occurrence. If you want to beat this addiction, you still have to replace one with another.
     
    Odiebear likes this.
  6. So let me give it to you straight.
    You say that you tend to escape reality, that you have ongoing episodes of depression, you suffer from low self esteem, you feel disconnected from your partner, you seem not to enjoy life, you cheat on your partner and probably lie in other aspects of your life.
    And then you try to escape all that by trying to stop using porn?

    You have no moral compass, you do not know what proper behavior is, so you are a mess and porn use is the least of your concern, it is the result of your life being a mess.
    Do you really think that, given your habit for escaping "reality" stopping porn will make you face it?

    You are failing at life, you are failing your partner, you are probably failing in many other parts of your life.
    Please take my warning, you need to establish your goals, and find your morality that will guide your decisions, if you do not you will suffer your whole life
     
  7. Hi Frank, I don't have any answers myself. I can tell you I'm 70 years old and still fighting this addiction.
    Been married, widowed and have a GF.The reason I'm here right now at 1:25am is that I couldn't sleep and thought this was a better thing to do than relapse.
     
  8. T
    Thanks bro, won't mind if you give me some advice too on how the unhealthy sexual stimulus
     
  9. I guess you are not a porn addict that's why you can talk like this, i know all my bad decisions are as a result of porn, once you start watching porn, at some point you want something more, and that's followed by a series of bad instructions
     
  10. Trust me bro, it is, hope you write something soon about your story, i'll like to read about it
     
  11. I wrote plenty about myself in the 40+ section the blog name is
    Sex Addiction.
    Short story long is.
    Married at 24, enjoyed sex with my GF and then wife. Had a pretty good sex life but still MOed plenty. Did watch porn with the wife at times on cable PPV, and DVD. I did a lot of things I'm sorry I did while married.
    Had sex with hookers, BJs at bachelor parties, sex at massage parlors.
    The easy access to porn on the internet sure made the habit much worse. I'm sure it made my sex life with my wife less frequent.
    After she passed away I PMOed many hours. I met a women and did have sex,but by now I was older and it effected my ability to have good sex. I'm trying to get away from porn hoping it will help me be able to have sex without needing Viagra. Let me know if you have any questions, glad to help.
     
    feekhalifa131 likes this.

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