Very first time trying NoFap

truth be told!

 

Welcome, you started on your first step in accepting you have a addiction and posting here, I wish you strength to beat this addiction. It´s not easy but it´s worth it.

 

Life can not go well when sex is messed up. This is kind of like saying, I am completely healthy but I my liver is failing... ohh ok, you can be dead in a week - you are indeed very healthy.
Intimacy is the definition of relationship, when relationships begin to falter, sex and intimacy is the first place where things fall apart.
Sex is the time when we are most voluble and problems with sex point to problems in the relationship and lack of trust.

There is nothing special here, all relationships are built on trust, if you lost your partners trust, your primary goal is to establish trust.
You do that, by being honest and taking responsibility for what you are doing wrong.
This is done in many ways, from talking to being more responsible with chores, this can not be fake.
Once you reestablish trust, you can then start navigating personal issues you expressed here, your personal fears and bring to the surface her worries and fears.

None of this can be fake, you have to decide to make the changes.

 

I am also married, with two kids. I still feel very attracted to my wife, porn didn't make me lose desire for her, but it made me fight with her when she didn't want to have sex. So for different reasons P and M create artificial and unnatural expectations on sexual life and lead to serious matrimonial troubles.

 

Very good! : )

 

Keep it up, what you are experiencing is 100% due to addiction to the high from porn and masturbation. Stay the course, don’t look back and things will be better than you can imagine right now.

 

I’ll share what I heard many years ago. It takes 21 consecutive days to successfully form a new habit (in this case lose a bad one). You are doing great, keep it up and it will be second nature!

 

Wow, if it was only 21 days what am I doing 4 years later still fighting it? To be fair it is very weak now, but I dont think it will ever go away. Dont be discouraged though, every day free of the unwanted behaviour is a day in the right direction.

 

You’re still tempted to look at porn? I can see where after a while you could think “just once” would not be a problem; but decades of experience suggests otherwise.

 

I still have automatic sexual thoughts. I have to consciously stop myself looking at peoples bodies or fantasising about sex during the day. The thoughts come into my head but I choose not to follow them. Mindfulness is important to raise my awareness of the thoughts arising.
If I were to entertain these thoughts it might lead to craving P. It would be a bit like an alcoholic hanging out in bars.
By not following sexually focused thoughts I have managed to save my sexual feelings for when I am with my wife, which means the rest of the time I can focus on what ever I want. Once you know where the cookie jar is, there is always the risk of temptation.