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Serious problem with masturbation technique

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by DVSkier, Feb 4, 2020.

  1. DVSkier

    DVSkier Fapstronaut

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    So this is my first ever post on this site. For years my way of masturbating has been really harmful and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s ruined my sex life and if anyone can offer advice it’d mean the world to me.

    So basically for years I’ve only been able to orgasm by masturbating in a very specific way. I have to very tightly squeeze my legs/ass to be able to reach orgasm. This involves basically locking my legs and flexing them really hard, which means I can only get off lying on my back. That and having to grip very tightly and at a really fast speed.If I’m not squeezing my legs hard/gripping tightly it’s basically impossible for me to reach an orgasm. So that means almost every sex position doesn’t give me much feeling at all. I’ve been able to fuck for almost an hour with no chance or reaching anywhere near an orgasm, even when I first had sex. Nothing during sex feels like much and it’s embarrassing sing to deal with in front of a girl. And this sucks because I’ve never been able to orgasm through intercourse, only through more aggressive oral or with my hands.The other issue is a lot of times I’ve used a soft blanket or something instead of my hand and lube which I feel has really messed me up. Now this is a huge problem because I’m not able to even come close to an orgasm with a girl. Anything but my specific way is impossible and I feel like I’ll never be able to get off any other way. I think my issue is a lot less with porn and a lot more with bad masturbation techniques that I’ve been doing for years on end.

    If anyone has had a similar issue or experience I’d love to hear about it. Please any advice for changing how I MO would mean so much because I don’t have any other problems besides the absolute inability to finish during sex. I hope I’m not the only one who feels stuck in this trap, and thanks to this site and all the members for all the great info and advice.
     
    DrabToLight and Sovereign Soul like this.
  2. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Welcome man,

    The way you masturbate is EXACTLY the way I've done it my entire life (flexing legs, tight grip and fast motion) and I can definitely relate to being conditioned to only ejaculate that way. Like you I've had issues with actually finishing when having sex, matter of fact the first time I had sex at 19 I lasted 40 minutes without ejaculating, and still couldn't finish even with my girlfriend giving me oral. I had to masturbate to finish which was very embarrassing for me, and may have made her feel inadequate. Besides sex, even masturbating in any position different that what I used (e.g. standing up, sitting on a chair) felt odd and uncomfortable, and would take me forever to ejaculate.

    So I completely share this issue with you. However, I've been able to ejaculate while inside a girl a few times with a condom on and during positions that don't involve me being on my back (missionary and doggy), so I there's hope that maybe you can too. While these were indeed rare (maybe 10% of the time I've had sex), they were possible during times I was on high streaks and completely let go of masturbation. Sensitivity was at an all-time high for me and it wasn't hard to finish. I also found that slower strokes in missionary, with a focus on sensations also worked...I could go on for a long time with fast strokes but slowing down to deeper and rhythmic strokes while doing what I can only describe as kegels and focusing on sensations made me finally finish.

    To summarize, my issue can be fixed with nofap, but also changing the way I have sex by being slower, more rhythmic and mindful during the act.
    Hope this helps.
     
  3. Kvath

    Kvath Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, maybe give your dick some rest for a while? You can also try stopping to masturbate all together. Maybe your dick is just insensitive because of the constant friction? I say it because this has happened to me. I mean I don't have the masturbation position that you detail but what I have had is lack of sensitivity and difficulty to cum with a vagina/anus/girl when in intercourse. This is most likely for the conditioning I've received from porn, and my own masturbation technique (my grip is very hard, "grip of death"). Hope that helps. Stay strong brother.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Bach

    Bach Fapstronaut

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    It's called PIDE (Porn induced delayed ejaculation) and it happens because masturbating to porn over long periods, so you penis becomes insensitive because if that.

    It can be healed when you get over the PMO addiction, and it can takes up to months..
     
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  5. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    I didn't even know about death grip until around thanksgiving last year.

    It's surprising how many people are like myself. I always blamed my circumcision not my technique.
     
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