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Not having a girlfriend

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Cypher123, Jan 26, 2020.

  1. Cypher123

    Cypher123 Fapstronaut

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    Not having a girlfriend makes me feel lonely.. I don't know whats wrong with me.. Its at a point now where im just avoiding talking to girls cause it never works out for me
     
  2. Marvelgurl23

    Marvelgurl23 Fapstronaut

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    A woman does not complete you. You complete you. You are stuck because you have not found that goal that drives your very essence; your need to accomplish your inner truth.

    What should you be doing to better yourself? Forget what women think. These are just people you live beside. We are not goddesses on a pedestal. We breathe the same air, we shit, we are lonely too, and we also struggle to build ourselves just as men do. Build your confidence first, be so confident in life you won't think of needing a woman. A lover is just there to share your life with, just like a best friend or a mentor.

    In that case be your own best friend until that person comes along. Learn to hang out with yourself, love yourself, and understand you.
     
  3. Porterhouse

    Porterhouse Fapstronaut

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    Geez, the depth of this sentence alone. My hat is off to you because though this is a single sentence, my own experience has been 2+ years to start actually loving myself and starting to understand myself. The hanging out with oneself is a whole other level of comfort I did not know until I forced my self to be okay with even the “bad” (no real bad feelings, but society says males should feel anything other than anger) feelings.
     
  4. Cypher123

    Cypher123 Fapstronaut

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    I've been trying to work on my confidence but im still the same shy person from 10 years ago
     
  5. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Hi buddy,i know how you feeling and what you mean.
    I said that because i never had girlfriend in my life and i m virgin,guess what?I m comfortable with that.
    You need to put trust in yourself,to love yourself because of you,not because of people around you.
    Soon you will find girlfriend who will appreciate your time,but first of all be confident,nothing can stop you!
     
    Carrotman, Kanat, Krillin1993 and 5 others like this.
  6. dogeatdog

    dogeatdog Fapstronaut

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    As Kligor said, it's all about patience. You don't make it seem like there is nothing wrong with you which means it's probably just the women around you who aren't willing to appreciate the kind of guy you are. You're doing NoFap which is already a big step up from a lot of people. Be patient but most importantly don't lose hope.
     
    Clerk373, Arkin, Kanat and 4 others like this.
  7. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I think the key lies in "I don't know what's wrong with me.". My mind says some variation of that dozens of times each day of my life and then it just needs a reason to believe what it already decided :). It can be having something out not having it, bring a certain way or not being that same way, etc etc ad nauseum. To talk down and try to destroy each meaningless r"eason "is a fols errand. So what to do instead? Focus on love and the best way to do that in my experience is to take truly loving action for others, but love as in "I love you" but something they will benefit from preferably find joy in that I get no credit for. If I get credit or think in terms of "I love you" I tend to start to want things in return, it's about giving without getting. I was told that if I want self esteem I can get it by doing things I esteem. That can also get into a self improvement project so I'll just Benton that by perspective is not one of "be good enough to be lovable.". This is a universal human thought "something wrong, something wrong" but there is a solution, beyond right and wrong, of that whole spectrum. Which is nice because it's actually simpler than the effort it would take to get what I don't have them discover it didn't fix me it make me as happy as I thought so try getting two of them etc etc gosh that's tiring me out just thinking about it, like working long hours not receiving a paycheck. There are many resources for this adventure in practicing true love (maybe I should use a capital L to indicate a love that has nothing to do with body parts, that word love is one of the most misused in any language :) )
     
    Cypher123 likes this.
  8. You've had some great replies in this thread, and I love the one from @Marvelgurl23. As she says, a girlfriend won't complete you. You might feel better for a while, but then you will realise that with a girlfriend, you are still the same person who you were without a girlfriend. All of your problems and solutions are inside you, not in another girl.

    Find your passion. I know that you're still really young at 20 years old, so you might not yet know what your passion is… Or maybe you already know, but aren't yet following it!

    Keep working at what you think your passion might be. As you live your life, your passion might change. That's OK. The mindset must be that you are going to stop at nothing (subject to ethics and the law) to achieve your goals. When you are working at your passion, and you make it the most important thing in your life, you become confident. When you become confident, you stop worrying about whether "it never works out" with girls. When you stop worrying about it, you start to become sexy.

    For now, do two things:
    1. Find your passion and work towards it. If you're not sure what your passion is, keep trying different things until you find it.
    2. Talk to as many girls as you can, without trying to get them into bed. Treat them the same way that you'd treat men — as human beings. When you talk to a girl, ask yourself, "It she were actually a man, how would I talk to her?" Forget about trying to get her to like you; either she likes you or she doesn't, and you can't "make" her like you. Anyway, the harder you try to make someone like you (man or woman), the more they dislike you.
    Give it time and effort, and things will change.
     
  9. nofappingpaul

    nofappingpaul Fapstronaut

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    Everything you need is with you... everything external is a want.

    work on yourself and your wants will present themselves - just keep in mind that you need to be the best version of yourself to be able to obtain those wants when they come to you.
     
  10. Riz@123

    Riz@123 Fapstronaut

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    What are you seeking for in a girl if it's friendship den y do u need a girlfriend ur best friend can be ur mom or sister too even she is (in respect) a women u can talk to a girl seek friendship first believe me it is the most lethal weapon U hav to destroy loneliness
     
    Out of the mess and Cypher123 like this.
  11. [​IMG]
     
  12. Don't seek a relationship. go find some friends, a new passion, or potentially both.
     
    Out of the mess and Cypher123 like this.
  13. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Do you have anything to offer as a boyfriend? There is no point of wanting to be with someone if your next thought after being with her is "Now what?".
     
  14. Find a skill set that employers would pay great money for. Make money from that. Then figure out how to get a girlfriend. You need money to survive and pay for dates.
     
    Carrotman likes this.
  15. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    that skill set changes every 6 months to 5 years. Just ask the petroleum engineering major who bags your groceries.
     
    Clerk373 likes this.
  16. Bro.. I know it’s hard. I had the exact same mindset until my 2nd relationship. I opened my eyes real quick (well 9 months into the relationship). It isn’t worth just jumping in with someone because you’re lonely.

    I’ll offer my advice. Learn to live with that loneliness first, the less you focus on it, and focus on yourself (setting goals, making dough, achieving those goals) the better you are going to feel.

    I got into a relationship just because the feeling of having someone there for you is amazing. But if you just rush in, without a clear view of who you are and your purpose. Then they could potentially become your purpose and that my friend will fuck you up big time. Codependency is a thing, and it can happen without you fully realizing it. Your emotions can become dependent on your partners moves, actions, etc. Let me say YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THERE. I was and it was shit.

    Take it slow. Keep a clear view of what you want. Ask yourself that often. “Am I ok with this?” “Is this what I really want?”
     
    Clerk373 and Mordobarn like this.
  17. Just trying to help a stranger over the internet. No hard feelings.
     
  18. red gyarados

    red gyarados Fapstronaut

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    Me too. Don’t want anyone taking on student loans if they’re not going to get a return on them.
     
  19. SoulEvolution

    SoulEvolution Fapstronaut

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    "The entire knowledge of the world runs in your blood" : Siddhartha by Herman H
     
  20. Now, if only I knew how to access that knowledge :)
     

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