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28 still a virgin

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by andrewburnslloyd, Jan 22, 2020.

  1. andrewburnslloyd

    andrewburnslloyd Fapstronaut

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    My love life story:
    I am a really shy guy, because i was born with one testicle and when i was younger i was really ashamed of this and thought that when girls see this they will laugh or be shocked by this. I started masturbating when i was about 14.
    I had few chances to have sex:
    When i was 16 with my then girlfriend, but i couldn't get it up, i guess it's because i was two years on porn everyday. We broke up few weeks after that happened. I was devastated but continued to watch the stupid porn.

    This became a reason for me to be even more enclosed in myself and depressed for a long long time.
    Anyway, few years later, when i was 23 i started working like a normal adult, and had a huge crush on one of my coworkers. One time she invited me and few of my other coworkers to drink and oversleep in her apartment. I thought that this will be the chance for me, but later in the night i got too drunk to even walk, so i slept there drunk, and her in the other room. I blew my chance.

    A year later, when i was 24 i decided to go lower on porn. I started to masturbate without orgasm (so called edging). I edged for 1-2 months, sometimes with orgasm. Later that year, in a summer night, i met a girl and she was really into me, we went to a walk and we started making out, so i though this is the day i will no longer be a virgin, but as we kissed my penis didn't even budged. She noticed that i wasn't hard. We continued only to kiss for like an hour and that was the night. The next day she left the city (because i live in a city on the sea and it's a summer resort, she was a tourist). I was disappointed and worried because of the happening and i was a bit depressed for the entire summer, but i have said to myself i will approach more and more girls until i lose my virginity. I continued to masturbate without orgasm (edge) for the entire summer. Another summer night, at the end of the summer, i met another tourist girl and we went out, we kissed the entire evening, we dated for a few days and every time we were making out i had a raging hard-on (i thought that edging is working). The final night before she was about to leave, we were making out for hours, until we went to have sex. We were at the beach. I started rubbing her with a hand until she had an orgasm, after that she grabbed my penis and she was overwhelmed, i felt on top of the world, but as she started giving me fellatio my penis went down. I was shocked this happened and she started blaming herself, thinking she is not pretty. I was devastated. The next day she left but we continued to talk and chat using the internet. She wanted to see me the next summer, but i was so ashamed of myself, one day i just stopped answering her. After her i dated another girl, but i was constantly thinking about what happened to the last girl i was with, that i just stopped calling her to go out.

    That was 5 years ago.

    When i was in the period of edging i was really attracted to girls, and i wanted to approach them, date them and have sex with them. But after the last time when my penis went down, my crave to being with girls just ended. I thought something is really wrong with me. I continued to masturbate and watch porn (PMO), for couple of years to escape reality. I tried to date girls, but i am so unconfident, i can't make my way even into kissing and making out.

    I know about NoFap since 2016, but i never tried it. In 2017 i went to a two weeks straight into edging again. Two weeks on i went to a strip club and ordered a private dance. A fully naked hot young woman danced on my lap, and my penis barely moved. The session was like 3 minutes, but i started sweating and got so worried that my penis is not working, that the minimal hard on i had went off. The girl thought she is not beautiful, but i tell you she was one of the hottest woman i've seen. When that happened i was sure that i have PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction).

    The only good sexual memory for the past few years is from summer of 2019 when a drunk girl grinded her ass to my penis (pants on) and i got a hard on, she felted it and she liked it, but we didn't went on to kiss or have sex, because she was just joking with me and my friends.

    I think porn messed me up big time. I don't have a girlfriend and this makes me so lonely. The sole purpose of life is to have kids, and i haven't even had sex yet. My parents are starting to wonder why i don't have a girl.

    On December 25 2019 i said to myself to never watch porn again. On January 4 2020 i have deleted my porn collection. I am going hard mode no porn no masturbating no fantasies. I am in the so called flatline and i am experiencing depression. The depression got very very worse few days ago, because a buddy of mine lost his virginity (he is 27). Now i feel like the biggest loser on earth.

    Regarding on how i look, i train 4 times a week, and sometimes girls tell me that i am pretty athletic.

    When i train sometimes i watch girls in yoga pants at the gym to test my libido and i don't feel my penis moving or anything, but when i see a hot girl on TV, i am really turned on...

    I swore to myself i will never ever orgasm on porn again in my life.

    For years i didn't have morning woods. Two days ago i had my first dream of having sex with a girl and waking up with a morning wood, but the depression is crushing me.

    I feel terrible, however, i think i have a very strong will and this catharsis is going to end. I am 100% sure that i will never relapse into porn again.

    My plan is when flatline ends (i don't know for sure when this will happend because i have been on porn for the last 15 years, such a huge number when i write it down) to go to a prostitute to test if my PIED is gone, or meet up with girls on tinder and test my libido.

    Because of all the porn i watched i feel my life cold, empty, loveless and sad. Sometimes i think of my self that i am crippled because i haven't felt true love toward a woman.

    Some nights i wake up for a few seconds and i am alone in the bed and this is the loneliest feeling of the entire world. I am scared to acknowledge this problem in front of my parents or my friends. I am in a deep dark hole. The only thing saving me is my ability to take hits from life, because i think i have experience in taking hits from life.

    The worst part of all this is that nobody knows that i am still a virgin, because few times i lied about it when people asked me.

    Sorry for the long post. Feel free to ask me anything.
     
  2. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    looks like you're not TECHNICALLY a virgin, but i know what you mean. What was your longest porn free streak?
    Don't worry about the age man, i see guys who are in their late 30s, 40s, and 50s with girls that are young and pretty.
    Honestly in this day in age, being a virgin at 28 is much more attractive than being sexually active at that age.
    Just don't focus too much on porn and women, and when the right girl comes you shouldn't have a problem getting it up.
     
  3. Tankless123

    Tankless123 Fapstronaut

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    Been there. It’s the anxiety and pressure. The porn and masturbation affects some people. You should go for the non-hot girls that you won’t care about embarrassing yourself with. It will help you relax.

    There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin though. Get to know the person.

     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2020
    zilean likes this.
  4. Welcome and congrats on making this decision. It will change your life if you stick with it. It will probably take a while, and you will have to be patient and believe in the process even if it is slow. I know that is hard when you are at a low and lonely place emotionally. If you can find someone in your life to confide some of this in, a weight will start to life. But in any case, you should check in here often and find an AP or two or three, because it sounds like you will need the support and knowledge that others have come through this. 28 seems old when you're 28, but you have so many awesome quality years ahead of you to take advantage of. Stay strong!
     
    Booksandtrees likes this.
  5. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Remember that most women (and men for that matter) out there actually don't give too many f***s about your previous sexual history or experience. Just like they wouldn't care or think too much about the people who have never traveled by boat, airplane or a helicopter.
    Many men out there (who are not that experienced) tend to overthink the whole thing, thinking they are more unwanted or undesired than more experienced men because of this so it is only a mental block that you make up yourself. But I know it is easy to do so when you are constantly bombarded by sexualized content and undertones every day in advertisements, peoples' BS-talk and stories, magazines, TV-shows, etc. The more you actually see these things for what they really are (which is mostly fiction, sales tactics and creations) the better and more confident will you feel about your situation.
    I tended to put that hurdle up myself a lot in the past but the day I began my self-improvement journey, I started to see things from another perspectives, including all of that exaggerated sexualization I came across in everyday life. The more I did let go of that troubled past, the more and better things, circumstances and events started to appear in my own life as a result so the best thing you can do is to not sweat and just let go of it. I bet most women would feel more attracted to a confident and laid-back dude with little experience rather than an insecure and bad-tempered wannabe who just act out a character that he is not.

    As long as you are confident and believe in yourself, there won't be any shortage of decent potential women who want to be in a serious intimate relationship. These women will also not care too much about your past experience either since they rarely expect any man to shag like a Casanova from the start either. As long as they are not very shallow, immature, superficial and have very high standards so to say.
     
    Jagoal, Deleted Account and Boost like this.
  6. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I see what you mean but you still do have a shot as an ugly dude since women are not as much into looks as men are. The only thing that looks do for a man is giving some extra confidence and getting you a foot inside the door but if you have no game, resources, skill-sets and confidence, those looks will only get you so far. An ugly dude who might have had a trouble past but who has been taking charge of his life, have developed confidence and accumulated resources will have a quite good selection of women.
    The only thing preventing him is his own mindset, confidence, beliefs and self-image.
     
    Dragonkmp67 and StoneElemental like this.
  7. Man, it's the strangest thing when you're out and about and can't get turned on by women and then when you get home you are immediately turned on by some chick in a youtube vid or movie... That shit drives me nuts, but it must be from compartmentalizing sex to your time alone with your phone or imagination... I definitely have noticed a shift in all that since I've started on this NoFap stuff though, sometimes just talking with a pretty gal nowadays will get me a bit stirred up inside which never ever fucking happened at all in the past, I guess the key is patience with your brain, it's such a damn complex system, takes a good sustained amount of time to really change things. Keep fighting brev!
     
  8. andrewburnslloyd

    andrewburnslloyd Fapstronaut

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    Okay, so i have been going NoFap hardmode for 32ish days. I don't watch porn, sexy videos, unfollowed all sexy models from instagram, but there is SO MUCH SEX in all the media, jeez. Every day when i watch the news and the news girls or the weather girls are just so sexy. I turn my sight off of the tv or phone screen when large tits or sexy asses come up on them.
    I started getting morning woods, not every morning tho. I had few dreams where i make out with different girls, but in one of the dreams i was watching porn on my tv and i came in my sleep. When i woke up my pants were dry, but i am sure i nutted because i've had these dreams when i was 14 until my early twenties. That was about 2-3 weeks ago. Anyway.
    Yesterday night i took a shower and went to bed, and i have laid on my right side and spoon hugged a pillow, just for comfort and that gave me a monstrosity of a BONER. I was hard for 30 minutes. Today i was walking behind a lady about 30 and that gave me a boner because SHE WAS BANGIN'! Now while i am thinking about this woman i saw today i get a boner.
    NoFap works, but it takes time.

    I am not sure if i am doing the Hardmode right. Is the thing with the pillow okay to do, i mean if i lay down on my belly or if i spoon hug a pillow, i get an instant boner almost everytime.
    Sometimes friends of mine send me these seexy pictures of women in instagram and facebook and i tend to watch for about 1-2 seconds and get it off my screen. Sometimes when i train in the gym i watch the girls, i like their asses, but no penis movement, strange stuff goin on.

    Bottom line, i still need time i guess. I am not sure if i am still in the flatline or coming out of it, it's probably partly a palcebo. Best i can do is wait.

    I went to a party last friday and i tried to talk to two girls, the first one had a bit hot body, but very busted teeth, sorry for the shitty talking, but this is a fact, she had really really bad teeth, anyway, she was with other guys and wasn't interested in keeping a conversation and left. The second girl at another bar was very very hot curly 10/10 30ish girl, but when i tried to talk to her she pushed me away :D, whatever i don't care. I will go to another party in tuesday, where there will be two hot girls (at least), but there's one problem, i noticed that alcohol drops my libido to 0% (it's very low since i am in flatline i guess) and for sure they will want to drink, but i think i will drink just a little and that hopefully wont drop my 2% libido to 0% haha. Both of the girls have boyfriends, but i think they will not attend that party.
    Oh one more thing, last night a girl wrote to me on facebook and she said she likes me (also has a boyfriend) and she is wondering why i don't have a girlfriend... but i guess it's a bit weird to tell her about the whole nofap thing.

    P.S. I am wondering what will be the best indicator that i am out of the flatline. This indicator will make me ask girls who like me (there is a few, for which i know) to go out and eventually have sex with them or at least make out. Don't get me wrong i will not date girls only for sex, i always appreciate women as the better part of the human beings and not as sex objects.
     
  9. andrewburnslloyd

    andrewburnslloyd Fapstronaut

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    I came in my sleep today, really hard. I dreamed how i make out with a girl and i hump her ass through her clothes and she was enjoying it. In real life we worked together and she was really sexy, i had a major crush on her, we hanged out together really often and once we were at a bar and we kissed, but that’s about it cuz she had a boyfriend. That was years ago. She left the city. We’ve seen each other very rarely since. Anyway. I had a raging raging boner during the dream, but in the end i came, but my underwear is dry, weird.

    I feel my penis overly sensitive this morning.

    I wonder if cumming in my sleep means i have to reset my counter?
     
  10. Nicolas Tesla was a genius who died a virgin , will you join his ranks and push the world forward and make people's lives better ? You will be more comfortable with yourself on NoFap keep going strong
     
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  11. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    ironically i agree with you. nofap will make you as happy or maybe happier than having sex with a girl.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. steve2006

    steve2006 Fapstronaut

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    Listen man you need to get out of your head this "virgin" title. Like who the fuck actually cares. It's something society and dumb teen TV shows has conditioned you to believe is important.

    Next learn from each of these "lessons" your near experiences have taught you. Clearly the fact you're having issues getting it up is all the motivation you need to fix this. Easier said than done i know but go get it man it is possible. Believe you can do it and your body will find a way to make it happen.
     
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  13. ClarityofClearWater

    ClarityofClearWater Fapstronaut

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    I have been where you are right now. I was a virgin until I was 28. never had a girlfriend until then either. I was so lonely then. Every time I saw a couple, what I thought was "what is so wrong with me that they all rejected me?"
    I was socially awkward and didn't know how to talk or be with girls. Then I stumbled upon pick-up artists on youtube. And started learning about female psychology and pick up stuff. And I took action. As my first girlfriend, I landed a really nice, honest and sexy girl. I even got a chance to go to her country and continent which changed my life forever. but due to porn addiction, I couldn't have sex with her properly or finish to her. And partly as a result of that, the relationship failed.
    The point here is, PICK-UP CHANGED MY DATING LIFE FOREVER. my advice to you is to learn from them. RSD Madison, Todd Valentine, RSD is a start. and then take consistent action. If you don't go out looking for girls, you won't land them frequently.
     
    Comfortablydumb96 and Rocko04 like this.
  14. I'm 24 years old and virgin too. You at least have the courage to approach women and go on dates. I can't do that, I'm too shy and socially anxious to do that... Anyway, I wish you good luck!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2020
  15. Alas! This is the sad story of my life.
     
  16. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    Maaan i feel you, i'm 27 and still a virgin, and like you, i messed on having sex many times, and thats not because of my penis but because I'm too anxious and overthink a lot , mostly because of porn, i've been watching for soo long since i was 15y.o i guess (i couldn't even cum a the time), now the pressure and stress and depression built up , my skin condition got worst , even the doctor told me that i needed to get a girlfriend ....
    that seems easy to say than to do now at my age... even tho' i started working out and it shows.. but its difficult .... is it impossible? nop it will happen, i saw people less attractive and less smart than me get laid , just for the sake of it .. i want to have sex the proper way , its not just a penetration and the stuff we see in porn ... its all the feelings spoken and unspoken , the touches , the breaths .etc..... know that i sometimes feel like you ... but i don't care what others say, cause everyone is different, maybe your friend lost his virginity but how was the experience for both sides and all .. dont compare yourself to others , you seem like a smart guy and had many chances , and you'll even better chances to come, trust me ...
     
    Symbol of Peace likes this.
  17. andrewburnslloyd

    andrewburnslloyd Fapstronaut

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    I noticed that my libido is very low after the wet dreams. I had no morning woods or erections for like 5 days until today. This morning i dreamed how i watched a couple have sex in a forest (like in a porn movie), and i was about to come in my sleep, but i managed to force not to cum and wake up, so i didn’t came in my sleep. When i woke up i had a morning wood.
    About the party, i went there, but my libido was so low after the wet dreams and flatline, i guess, i didn’t felt any desire to even hug or flirt with any of the two girls, on top of that, they were with their boyfriends.
     
    Defytheodds likes this.
  18. ClarityofClearWater

    ClarityofClearWater Fapstronaut

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    Bro, have you tried learning pickup? I was where you are right now. My life turned upside down after I learned it. It is the only salvation i see for not being able to communicate with girls.
     
  19. Defytheodds

    Defytheodds Fapstronaut

    I used to read blogs about picking up girls and stuff a long time ago, but i never used the knowledge .. I didn't take it seriously, the girls i met so far were through friends or school, but i think i gotta try new stuff , if you can give more information about it (who did you learn from etc..) i would be glad ! thx
     
  20. ClarityofClearWater

    ClarityofClearWater Fapstronaut

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    places to learn are RSD, RSDmadison, RSDjulien, Todd Valentine. those are enough for now. I have with me programs RSDjulien - pimp, Todd Valentine - the system, Todd valentine - text and dating machine, RSD Madison - Bootcamp at home. pimp is a good place to start. those are quite enough for me atm. You don't have to buy them of course. There is a website pdscourses.com which is a private site. you can get a monthly membership for a small fee like $30 and download unlimited courses. that is how I did it. the ones I mentioned above are quite enough.
     
    Defytheodds likes this.

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