MOURNING THE LIFE I COULD HAVE HAD

Hi,

My name's Rey, I'm 35 years old. My disgusting habit of confiding in my Johnson began when I was 13 years old, I even remember the date in question, the evening of the 5th of October 1997 (Sunday), I was in the shower and well I'm not going to paint a picture lets just say I and Mr Johnson really got to know each other in more ways then one and no I'm not talking about some hairy handed adolescent type of knowing each other, I mean plain and simple masturbation. Now 22 years later I look back and well my life is pretty much in ruin not just from a personal or professional standpoint but my faith has taken a beating as well. My interest on the night of the 5/10/1997 PEAKED almost ten fold because I had never felt this way, I admit I was a little afraid thinking WTF! is this goo coming out Mr Johnson, but the feeling was good so a couple of days later I did it again and pretty much the rest is history, but the thing is I never used porn as means to revel in my new found hobby, Porn didn't come into play until about 2002.

So slowly over the years I noticed that this extra curricular activity had more of negative and self destructive effect on me then I could have ever have feared. Now I was always the shits when it came to Academia, I failed pretty much everything and my dad even once said that "I bet if he does have a brain up there, its made out of shit" which well didn't help my confidence. So I went into Sixth Form School after the age of 16 and my habit got worst, so bad that once I could not hold in the urge and masturbated in an empty class, oblivious to the fact that at anytime anyone could walk in to this class room and catch me in the act, but I nevertheless sped on and didn't budge an inch. My physical well being took a bashing as I was always feeling tired, my concentration which was never my strong suit to begin with was now on the brink, I couldn't concentrate on anything much less school and now at the age of 35 its traumatic. I am married and have an almost impressionable 4 year old son but I fear my putrid inherent trait will seep into him and the last thing I want is my son going down the same path.

My sexual intimate feelings towards my wife are pretty much void, we are always fighting, a year ago I was outcast from my own home due to the tricks of certain people, I had to move myself, my wife and son into rented accommodation, on top of this I was threatened with being wacked by members of my own family, I am gutted, I feel abused, let down and know full well that I am partly to blame for my decent but even now I still can't let up this habit, I watch porn full blown and one of that hardcore crap just the normal stuff, but its now after 22 years finally taking its destructive toll on me and my body and I for the life of me don't know who to turn to, the doctors here in the UK are pretty much next to useless and take forever to come to a resolve but in the mean time I am piece by piece destroying what little of the human being I have left in me and so I turn to you the people on this forum, please help me, any advice would help, I am a Muslim and I don't have to tell you that this habit is a big NO NO in my faith but yet its a habit that thousands of Muslim man deal with.

Thanks for any help and advice that you can give, I really appreciate it and Apologies beforehand if posted this in the wrong section or if I have offended anyone with my language above.

 

Thanks but I don’t think I need to go as far as to call him a piece of THAT but thanks for the support

 

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REPLIED I REALLY APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT, I GUESS I REALLY AM NOT ALONE IN THIS, GOTTA FIGHT THIS HEAD ON

 

Thank You guys for the understanding.

 

It's Saturday the 8th of February 2020, time is 05:30am UK time. My porn addiction leading to masturbation has increased tenfold, nothing changed from the last time I posted a reply , I'm 36 now, I work 70 plus hours a week doing security on a reception desk for people that wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, add to that both my feet going up to my knees are in severe pain, my hands are numb, my brain is numb, my eyes feel like they're on fire, I'm literally like a zombie right now, I'm obese now then I ever was, yet I shove inordinate amounts of food down my throat and equally inordinate amounts of porn at my brain. I can't get no help because I have time to rest let alone talk to a shrink, PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME AN ACTUAL CONVENTIONAL MEANS TO END THIS INFECTION BEFORE IT PUTS ME IN A PSYCHE WARD!

 

Thanks guys I appreciate the support