Father of boys - should you educate?

i wouldnt like if my parent gave me advice. what i would like if the person narrated their own experience n not in a 'lecture' sort of way. like i was addicted to porn for so much time.

if i became a dad i wouldnt just talk of porn to my kids. i'd talk of all my failures and make sure to keep a 2-way communication.
i'd talk about:
when i failed in exam
when i couldnt stand up to bullies
when i copied in exam
how i was addicted to pornography (that some extremes should be avoided)
how i was addicted to tv n internet
how i was bullied n scared

i'd also play board games with my child. go on bicycle ride with him... make him feel validated. make him realize that if at all he's in ever any trouble, he can rely on me n not on his friends.

i wouldnt just ask him about his day, i'd also narrate my day.

sorry i went slightly off track.. yeah i'd tell them about pornography.

 

I have an 8 year old and it's the dilemma I'm in. What do I say when he finds this? And he will find this.

 

its better he finds it from you than others. you can write it to him or take him to a counsellor for sex education.

 

I am not a father, but I have strong opinions about the main question of this thread.

Yes, I believe responsible fathers will give age-appropriate sex education to their boys, including porn and masturbation. I am just amazed that this is not the case, generally. Surely, it is a no brainer for a father to be directly involved in his boy's education. It seems negligent for a father to leave sex education to the school, or even worse to their peers, or even worse - the porn-saturated internet! So, many children are growing up in a world where they learn about sex online! TRAGIC!!!

How old are your boys Shaun?

 

My son was shown porn while at a friends house... he was 11. Thankfully, at 9, while talking about sex I explained about porn and how bad it was for him. I talked about it in the same way I explain Drugs could be bad. He came home and told me what happened at his friends. So in spite of all I could do he still was exposed. Friends mom didn’t care one bit when I told her what had happened. Ugh...

 

I have 3 daughters and one son in our combined family. I was abused and shown porn around 8 years of age. The two evils together have derailed my life so bad. The screwed up thing is I had no idea until now at 43. My daughter at 9 was shown porn by a friend being raised by her Grand mother. She in turn showed her friends and our younger son. It was her intent to show them where not to go online then it took off from there. Worst part was my ex wife knew about it and didn't tell me until it came out 6 months later. They found it by searching for Dr.Squeshy videos online and boom there it was. A new episode they thought, it ended up being incest porn which made us freak even more.
So talk to your kids, take safe guards, limit tech in their rooms and be part of the conversation. If you aren't they will. It's no different than having continued talks about sex, drugs and smoking. It's not a once and done.

 

My 1st time seeing internet porn was around 1999. I bought a Venus fly trap and looked up how to care for it on Netscape navigator lol BAM I found venus and her fly trap.....

 

Not a father, but I think besides explaining you can try to protect your children by filling their day by activites (sports, studies and so on) and also they will look at you as a role model

 

My dad's a testosterone pile, his last test proved that. My dad encouraged me with money to go to the whorehouse. The way my dad and I think is totally different.

When I'm a dad.
I'll block porn sites, it's no use telling kids not to do something they'll do unless they become stopped. I think in the future they will thank me, because I would have thanked if my father had done the same.

I can imagine the benefits I would have had in maintaining chastity since I was a child. But when you're a child, the impulse takes over.

 

That is a very good suggestion

 

I wish my family could have done that back then. I 1st found porn by looking through my grandads gun cabinet. Then a friends dad had a huge stack of Playboys. I knew something was up because of all my friends, I was the only one that really wanted to look at them. Like non stop. I thought something was wrong with my friends. I mean who wouldn't want to look at the magazines every waking moment. My thinking was waaaay off. Things like that make sense to me now that I'm older.

 

The time is NOW Shaun. A lot of boys start with porn about 10 or 11. If you wait two years, it might have already become ingrained.

My dad was useless in communicating about sex. My mum gave me sex education and was brilliant. She was very relaxed and answered all my questions in full. I was in no doubt porn was to be avoided at all costs and I did until I got a personal computer in my early thirties (dial up).

 

I’ll second what IGY said, Shaun. I’ve read countless accounts here of kids who began watching porn before puberty even fully hit. The time is now indeed.

My Dad found out I was stealing his Playboys. He delivered one sentence of wisdom about it: “it’s all just fantasy, you know”. That was the entire extent of “the talk” for me! Anyway, that sounds almost quaint now. We’re in a whole new world with this today. Good luck!

 

I'll say i was 11 or 12 when I started, so @IGY and @Marshall 5 are right.

 

Good on you mate. And well done for getting through the last three weeks.

 

I fully intend to have open discussions with my son when he gets older (he 6 at the moment).

I think it will be in line with sex Ed in general. The bulk of the talking should be about relationships and the need to socialise through this point in his life.

I don’t want to scare him off PMO I think that has the potential to cause problems, some personal exploration is good.

I think it’s important to state the porn is not real sex! It’s a fantasy, like a movie. Just a fake story and should not be used for education.

 

This is a really important discussion. I also got into porn via my father 'accidentally' asking me to record a movie off satellite TV. I wore out that tape. I don't have kids but we are thinking about it and we have started to discuss this question. My wife thinks the only realistic approach is to try and mitigate it so kids don't get addicted, as it will be impossible to stop them from watching porn at friends' houses and so on. I really don't know. I'd prefer it if they never saw it or heard about it, but that seems to be almost impossible. For sure we will have no screen entertainment in the house. But how much should we limit our kids' social lives? Vet their friends' parents? Ban other kids' mobile phones in the house? It's really difficult.

A friend who I admire has a policy of openly discussing everything with his kids. They set their own rules based on discussion. His kids are certainly mature, active and confident, though they have what looks like heavy screen use to me. But how can young kids negotiate rules about a vicious, traumatic product that is fine-tuned to be as compulsive as possible even to a 45-year old adult with an MA in political thought and a regular meditation practice?