Loving yourself isn't a replacement for external love

"Loneliness is good, but you need someone to tell you that loneliness is good." (Honoré de Balzac)

I've never seen a woman attracted to a depressed man, no matter how much society says we have to welcome everyone, a woman really wants a determined man and won't just stand by her side all day long.
I like the way David Deida thinks, you should penetrate your woman the same way you penetrate the world. Women like men with purpose, who work hard, and who love their goal as much as they love their wife.

Loving yourself makes sense, you who know yourself so well and conclude that you don't like yourself, who will?

 

I think it’s ok that we want/seek external love and appreciation, but internal love is always stronger.
To love and accept yourself, do what you want and like in life not giving a shit about others (excluding your family and closest friends) opinion (same time not abusing their rights) is a very strong feeling.
Imagine what would you choose - to hate yourself and be loved by everybody or to love yourself and be hated by everybody?
I think what they also mean by this statement ‘to love yourself first before trying to find a girlfriend’, nobody can give you that the feeling of self love gives, find a girlfriend but don’t try to replace it with her (external) love.

If you don’t love yourself, you can ‘loose’ yourself in a relationship.

 

Pablo Escobar, he loved himself very much, no doubts

 

I think he loved himself from the very beginning, when he was rather poor, that’s the reason of such a confidence and as a consequence big success

You feel lonely and try to build a healthy relationship that’s completely normal. Just one thing, try not to compare (or even envy) yourself with friends, each has his own way in life, it doesn’t mean that they are better than you because they have girlfriends, it means nothing, also we don’t know if they are truly happy inside (it’s like an average instagram page showing luxury, happiness, beautiful life moments, meaningful posts, but in reality ...)

Again that’s your way of living and your wright to do as you want. If you see it as a right thing to do, do so. Maybe in 10 years from now you will decide to start a business, or will decide to go to a Buddhist temple, it’s your life. You listen to advices or life experience from your parents, friends or complete strangers from this forum, but at the end it’s your decision.

 

Yeah that feeling when you wake up with someone you really love, is amazing. Is it too hard to ask for? Sometimes, I just wake up and don't know what to do next, feeling all kind of emptiness. Just like a spiraling void inside my heart, I truly feel lost right now. I feel you, the need to be intimate with someone, the moment when you both just lie there and feel your hearts intertwine. I had it but I lost it as well. And God, I am desperate to experience like that, because moments like those are worthless and nothing can compare with them. Wish you the best, hope some days you will get what you want.

 

"If you don’t love yourself, you can ‘loose’ yourself in a relationship"
Yup, this is absolutely correct.

 

Why not make enjoying life to the full your purpose?

Not advocating drugs, but there is a big difference between the guy who decides I’m gonna make night amazing by having a spliff, and the druggie in the corner desperate for his next hit.

Do what you love, have a fun life, but do it with purpose. Plan that trip, or set aside some time for a marathon Xbox session, but do it with purpose, and not resigning yourself to another night, after work playing call of duty till 3am then struggling to get to work the following morning as you’re too tired.

I hope this makes sense. I’m not perfect at the self love and care but I have noticed when I do it, I feel happier and more confident, this leads to more opportunities for social/sexual encounters.

 

Hello. It's taken me a long time to truly understand that nothing in life is guaranteed. Some people never find a partner; it is possible I may be one of them, even though I very much would love to find a "special" someone. In The 5 Remembrances of Buddhism, the 4th one tells us that "I will be separated and parted from all that is dear and beloved to me." So even if I find someone to love, one day I will lose that person. So I go about my life and pursue my interests and treat myself with as much love and compassion as I can, because that can never be taken away. Best of luck in your journey.

 

In the example above, if you choose to play LoL (league of legends?) on Saturday mornings with a group of friends this has purpose, it provides structure to your week, and doesn’t occupy every waking moment, you make or maintain friendships, and as you state you enjoy playing it all these are perfectly valid purposes. You also put aside time for self improvement and other fun activities that improve you in some way. Looking at a bigger picture.

The alternative is being lonely and miserable person, who comes in from work, maybe thinking, I better not PMO so I’ll play LoL all night just to block out these feelings of inadequacy. Yes you get the immediate enjoyment hit of playing the game, but the only purpose here is to avoid feeling bad for the brief period while you are busy.

Does this clarify?

 

i went through a time when i genuinely believed nobody loved me. friends in different cities, family having problems. i took the 'love yourself' part to a point where i talked to myself, sometimes for hours. it sounds crazy, yes but i was the best friend i so desperately needed.

i do talk to a lot of people now, i go out regularly and have good friends. only two things i need to do are stopping porn completely ( went 18 days until yesterday) and getting myself a girlfriend (which i'll work on in the summer)

 

love is supposed to be a mutual feeling. loving yourself is very schizo lol