Alcohol and acting out?

Hi! Thanks a lot for sharing your story! I do believe that a lot of NoFap forum users can relate to what you're going through now. It's indeed crazy how something relatively small (?) like a PMO addiction can affect our daily life, thoughts patterns, general confidence and even actions (in your case, acting out with escort and other self-destructive behavioral patterns).

However, whatever you do, please, don't EVER judge yourself for what you did in the past because of PMO addiction. It's past and it has absolutely nothing to do with your future. Instead of looking back and feeling horrible about yourself, learn from your experiences. Remember how horrible it felt to have meaningless sex with that awkward escort. Remember how horrible you felt after all that self-destructive behavior. However, don't let that feeling describe you.


Because you know what? It's not you! It's your PMO addiction taking over your thoughts and body. However, you cannot let it take over you EVER again if you want to be the best version of yourself and leave all that shame, guilt and anger behind. So, please, whatever you do, don't look back. Don't see yourself as a monster or a horrible person because of your past actions. Instead, make an action plan of how can you beat this PMO addiction and prevent all possible acting out outcomes. I would also suggest doing 90 days of NO-PMO Hard Mode and avoiding alcohol or any other unnatural stimulants during this time.

What is more, it's nice to meet everyone. It is my literally first message/post on this forum. And there is a lot of things to improve for me, during this NoFap journey that I'm exploring (Reached 7 days, wooohoo). So, I might not be as experienced as other guys and girls over the forum, haha. However, I will do my best to help out as many people as I can, during my own reboot!

By the way @Peaceful magic 21, I really do recommend you to read the text below. It's not written by me, however, for everyone interested, it was being posted on Reddit. Unfortunately, I'm too new to the forum, to be able to post links, so I can't provide the original source on this message. However, for anyone interested, I can send the link via PM



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The Inherent Nature of Porn Is To Mock You​

Now, I know this is a long shot, but bear with me. If you think I'm wrong, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Also, just to be clear, I'm going to be addressing mainstream heterosexual porn in this one.

In my opinion, porn themes and storylines are built to address your social insecurities and fears, which makes the release so strong and identifiable and hence, keeps you coming back for more. To illustrate my point, I'll broadly breakdown a generic porno storyline:

1. The object of desire- For those of us addicted, one common symptom is our anxiety in social situations with the opposite sex. Especially if it's someone desirable. We somehow believe that these hot women are inaccessible to us for whatever reason. Porn reinterprets this sense of inaccessibility through 'roles' they make their pornstars play: My Wife's Hot Friend My Sister's Best Friend The School Teacher The Maid, etc. All 'inaccessible' in a sense, in context to the plot. The rush, as you'll guess, is in breaking this inaccessibility and claiming the prize. Something we wish we could do in real life, but somehow don't manage.

2. You The male characters are usually roles that are irrelevant or not generally held in very high esteem in society. Plumbers, pizza delivery guys, employees, customers, restaurant waiters, salesmen. Why? Coz the makers of porn have a fair idea about your own self worth. There's nothing more rewarding than an underdog story, and in your life, you're perpetually the underdog. A nobody scores the hottest woman in the room? That's arousing.

3. Making the first move The makers of porn know we're too chicken to approach women we're attracted to because of our social anxiety. There's nothing more we'd like in the world than have these women want us more than we want them. Which is why in most porno, even before the guy's spoken 5 coherent sentences, the girl's already on her knees unzipping him.

4. Unleash The Penis! They know you're insecure about your penis. They know you think your dick is too small, too ugly, too thin, too floppy and so on.

5. Releasing those pent up emotions Sex in porn is way more 'aggressive' and in-your-face than it is in real life. That again is solely for you and me. Here we are in front of our screens stroking our dicks like mad, hoping to feel better about all that pent up anxiety and lack of self-worth, believing that we're that dude on the screen and the girl's actually enjoying what we're doing to her. Why? Because we WISH we could be that good.

These stereotypes exist because WE exist. In helping us live out our fantasies through this third person, porn also mocks us for our inability to cope with our own reality. They love giving you the best view from your prison cell window, knowing very well that you won't be able to break out of the cell any time soon. Think about it- If we were all confident people, able to strike up a conversation with anybody we wanted, not insecure about ourselves and what we had, knowing the boundaries of social accessibility and being comfortable with it, knowing how to express ourselves, then would porn storylines stay the same? I'd like to believe not.

The objective behind this long analysis is to try and get all of us to replace our addiction with social activity, even if it makes us uncomfortable at first. And no, not because you want to get laid. Because you need to be comfortable with who you are and like yourself. Till you don't learn and fix these two issues, you'll be the most ripe target audience for most mainstream porno. Coz you can't get out and confront your reality and take control of it. Instead you choose to let tailor-made fantasies run your reality.

TLDR - Porn knows your social insecurities and they use that to create content that connects with you. Don't fall for that trap.

 

When I started to take my NoFap journey more seriously, I realized that I needed to cut out the alcohol as well. Alcohol lowered my inhibitions and also my resistance and will power. I know that I would not be as successful in resisting PMO if I were still drinking.

I know that some people might say that it's too much to try to give up PMO and alcohol at the same time. Based on my experience, I think it would be harder *not* to give up alcohol with PMO. Rather than trying to screw around with cutting back, I'm in a much better place by making a firm commitment to cut these things out of my life altogether.

Good luck with your progress.

 

Hey @Peaceful magic 21, thanks for sharing so openly what you have been going through. I can relate a lot. Was hooked to online findom, escorts, spent huge amounts of time and money on it all. And yes alcohol or other drugs always were part of it. As you describe so well. The drinking, the hangover, feeling weak, shitty, horny ...
I stopped drinking last September. Ever since drank moderately on 5 occasions only. Otherwise none at all. And I can feel a huge difference in my psyche, self-esteem. Together with meditating my sleep has improved enormously, too. Which I am so grateful for.
Now the escorts still haunt me, even being sober. Guess it's the old me, the old-me-wheel still turning, the momentum still going on as I have been hooked for so long. I am attending SLAA meetings as weill, since last July. That is very helpful. Have a sponsor, working through the steps. So, let us stay strong, never go back to that place. Thank's for the post.