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Dealing with Porn Fantasies Creeping Into Intimacy

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Motorcyclewife, Feb 15, 2020.

  1. Feb 15, 2020 #1
    Motorcyclewife

    Motorcyclewife Fapstronaut

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    My husband and I have been dealing with his porn addiction since I first learned about it nearly 4 years ago. We have been together since high school and married for nearly 5 years. I recently found out I am pregnant with our first child. Twice I found out and he would put blocks on his phone. Never really quit, and I would catch him again. Things were better this time. He admitted it on his own. He actually started attending group, establishing accountability, and taking things seriously. He has managed to make it 68 days so far which is a big accomplishment. For the first time last night, he admitted to fantasizing about porn while we are intimate. I understand the science behind the stimulation and association between the two things, but that certainly didn't make it feel any better. I am really struggling already with feeling less attractive being bloated and all from pregnancy. Learning that did not help. I know it has nothing to do with me, but it's easy to get sucked into telling yourself that you aren't attractive or worth it. I never reached out to anyone, but I feel alone. I am looking more for encouragement than anything else, but being pregnant and dealing his addiction is causing me so much stress. I am worried that I am not taking care of myself and the baby well enough with all the crying and stress on my body. Thanks for allowing me to share. Prayers and love for the other ladies out there going through this.
     
    Motorcyclewife, Feb 15, 2020
    Motorcyclewife, Feb 15, 2020
    #1
  2. Feb 15, 2020 #2
    ElizabethBennet

    ElizabethBennet Fapstronaut

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    I’m really sorry you are feeling that way, I completely understand you, but you should know that you are amazing you are creating a life inside you! And of course your body it's gonna change but girl it's worth it!

    I don't have kids but it's my dream to become a mother, enjoy your pregnancy and try to focus your time and energy on you and your baby
     
    ElizabethBennet, Feb 15, 2020
    ElizabethBennet, Feb 15, 2020
    #2
  3. Feb 15, 2020 #3
    Motorcyclewife

    Motorcyclewife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your encouragement! I really needed kind words today.
     
    Motorcyclewife, Feb 15, 2020
    Motorcyclewife, Feb 15, 2020
    #3
  4. Feb 16, 2020 #4
    anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Hi @Motorcyclewife,

    I know what he said is difficult to hear, but I am sure that nearly all PAs sometimes replay porn scenes or fantasies during sex - it is just your husband was honest enough to admit it. For a PA, all of sex gets polluted with the images and ideas that porn peddles. During reboot, they fade slightly but they don't go away, so if his only sexual outlet is now intimacy with you, as it should be, it is not surprising if they sometimes resurface then.

    Many SOs say that the lying and deceit is as bad as the porn itself, so his honesty is vital both to his beating his addiction and to healing your relationship.

    Having children is a wonderful blessing and changes most of us for the better. It does also bring stresses and strains, on the mother's mind and body and on the relationship. There will be times during the pregnancy and as a young mother when you resent what motherhood is doing to you and how it has affected your body, but equally there will be times when being a mother fills you with love and a joy that is dificult to imagine.

    So my advice is to try and be as open with your husband as he is being with you. You need his support just as he needs yours. Thank him for his honesty (even if through secretly gritted teeth!) and get him to help you and give you all the support you need - emotional and practical. Making a baby was a team effort. Pregnancy is too.

    All the best
    ANH
     
    anewhope, Feb 16, 2020
    anewhope, Feb 16, 2020
    #4

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