Accountability for All

Spent 20 minutes looking at pictures on the internet, nothing nude but still attractive girls. Hoping to not do the same tomorrow now that I see a weakness I can block

 

It's a weakness you should not indulge in, but it's not nearly as unhealthy as porn. Seriously I always shower the minute I relapse to actual porn. I always try not to look at attractive girls even in real life. Sure they're not pixels but still. I don't really want to like girls entirely as it completely has ruined my life.

 

So I’m checking back in like I promised. Been really good last 2 days started looking at escort pges Sunday morning and actually stopped myself 2 mins in and felt good all day and today, will keep you all updated

 

Day 8 done.

 

Check in Day 17

 

Just relapsed again, I tip toed from non nude pictures to porn. even though I don’t feel ashamed for it, I do want know that this behavior is bad. I am not trying to be discouraging to people on this forum trying to quit but I know I won’t solve this overnight. maybe I am not taking it seriously enough. But I know there is always tomorrow to try something different than the last day.

 

Nw503
Listen man did you watch fight club?
Go to support meetings man and they make you feel the pain of being addicted

 

Currently day 5, strong urges, have to keep myself busy

 

that's how i start to breakdown when i've been on a streak. start with attractive pics and then bathing suits, then nude, then porn. i'm thinking about doing that right now (looking at bathing suits or lingerie), but jumped on nofap first. i'm also, after feeling great about my first 8 days, questioning why i'm doing this - it would be so easy to just look at some pics/porn and masturbate. i feel a little better after writing this. gotta stay strong, and have to try to keep my streak up - going for 90, feels a little daunting at this point.

 

that's how i start up after a streak. stay strong, try again! YOU feel like it's bad, that's the reason for YOU to stop...

 

i think it's ok to look at girls in real life, just keep your eyes on their eyes or face. don't look at them as objects and maybe you can start have a healthy outlook towards girls

 

i'm also only doing no porn masturbation, so orgasm still happens in my sex life. this creates a chaser effect which i have today and it's making me think about porn. but the forums and reading about this stuff maybe saved my streak for today or at least this moment. it's also making me think about whether or not i want to try to do PMO for a shorter period like 30 days so I'm not getting the endorphin rush and chaser effect.

 

Somebody just put me out of my misery. I’ll never beat this. I want to give up.

 

Gonna try to look past everything and keep a fresh outlook on life. Been 24 hours since relapse and I think hopping on the forum first thing in the morning really helps with the willpower. Happy to get another chance to fight on

 

How do I join?

 

To me it's not. Every time I ever liked a girl it ended in absolute failure. So to me finding them attractive is a bad thing.

 

Still strong since the 15th haven’t had any crazy urges yet this time which is strange. My friends younger brother girlfriend came around a good looking teen and it gave me a slight craving for a teen escort, looked at the profiles for 5ish mins and again I can pull myself away, and no uncontrollable lust either and I’ve had no porn urges what’s so ever.

Learning my triggers are really environment based and on introspection I was bullied at school by girls, after school I got an average number of girls but was always slightly scared and non confident even though I could act it sometimes. Now 10 years later I have completely re invented myself extremely confident nothing phases me or makes me nervous I’m decent looking and I know that I can get almost any girl if I turn the charm on. However I have a wife now so I can’t do that or risk that and so I think I turn to escorts and porn to sate that young child in me still that was never good enough, who now knows he could get any girl pretty fucked up really. And my wife is amazing and I would die for her so I will keep on this journey and fix the inner child.

 

I'm on day #1. Miserable .... borderline suicidal. ... this is my last "vice". Alcohol is out , drugs out .... no more cutting/burning. ..now I can't even masterbate because I've got no off switch and it's taken over my life. I have no self soothing skills. No way to calm or comfort myself.
I'm in therapy and I have just started SAA. I want to go at least a month ... trying to STOP acting out in order the FACE my feelings and emotions I never processed as a youth .
I was abused horribly by my malignant narcissist mother . Attempted suicide first time at age four and a half. That's a record far as I know!
I do not sleep ! Often go three to five days before blackout which lasts from 48 minutes on average. .. But sometimes four hours.
YES, I've tried every imaginable drug. Rx. My brain doesn't shut off.
Came immediately after an assault during which I FROZE!
Anyway , I can't even go 24 hours yer without orgasm.
I'm filled with shame over having no self control as an adult.
Wishing everyone all my best. Nice I'm not alone !

 

Checking in again, had a good day yesterday and this morning a few times a few thoughts popped up but having to know that I would look at pages and then have to post it here stopped me, I’m keeping the streak. Every time they pop up I say you are an inflamed mind and are a habit from a sad lonely child that doesn’t exist anymore. So NoFap since the 15th now