My story in a nutshell

I'm 27 years old and desperate to stop fapping. I started when I was 11, but wasn't very good at it, so I stopped because I forgot about it. When I was 13, I did a GREAT job. I finally realized why my peers said it was so awesome. I felt a lot of shame though. I denied about it to everybody. I joined a church when I was 15, and felt the need to completely stop when I was 16. I've been struggling with it since then. The longest I've gone without fapping is 8 months. I'm doing much better now, with only a few slips a month. Usually, it's while I'm half asleep. Like, I'll wake up, have a super hard on I can't resist, pump away, and go back to sleep. I try to not beat myself up about those incidents, because I feel like I can't help it. It's almost like sleep walking. I just go on autopilot. Unfortunately, this past week I have fapped twice while fully awake. There's no denying my lack of self control this time. I just want help. I'm much stronger than I used to be, but still not as strong as I need to be. I'm hoping this site, and the possible support I might get, will help me beat this habit.

 

Thanks for the advice!

Don't ever apologize for your English, friend. I perfectly understood what you said. Your English is really good!

 

I fapped twice last night. I resisted for hours. I didn't want to fall asleep. I'm not sure why. I've been facebooking, watching netflix and youtube, reading articles on nofap, and doing school work. I've got a big day planned for today. I just didn't want to fall asleep. I'd get tempted, but would find something else to focus on, and the temptation would die down. At 6am I decided to go to bed. I wasn't tired at all, and then I was hit by a wave of bad thoughts. I tried to divert my mind, but with no tv/computer in my room, I was no match for my suppressed desires. I feel a bit depressed now. I'm not stuck in overwhelming depression, just a bit downtrodden. So far, my best streak since joining nofap is six days. The good thing about a reset is I can begin again. I don't have to focus on my defeat, but can look forward to the future. That thought makes me happier, hopeful, and ready to start again.

 

I just went through the worst depression I've had since junior high. I might have a day or two of depression maybe once a year, but I've only had month-long battles two or three times in my life. The good thing about this last depression was that I didn't have self destructive thoughts. I was super sad, and even fearful at times. I could feel my mind slipping once in awhile, but I was still lucid enough to know that "this" wasn't me. It's almost like realizing you're dreaming. You just know that nothing is real. You just need to wake up. I was blessed to see a psychologist on Thursday. The coolest thing that I learned was I needed to "shift my paradigm." I needed to change the way I viewed my world. I am feeling much more hopeful now, and am actually accomplishing projects again. I've been a shell for a month and a half, so this is a big deal. I am also proud of myself for not viewing porn. This was a ripe time to do it. Just turn on those blissful (I never liked the abusive stuff), free movies, fap away, and not think about anything but my orgasm. But I didn't do that! I did masturbate several times. I even discovered a new-to-me technique. Awww, soooo good. I fapped so much, because of this new technique. I just created a huge, new temptation for myself, dang it! Oh well.... Since I talked to the psychologist, I feel a huge relief from my inner struggles. I've got five more appointments, so I hope to discuss some of this with her too. But, I feel great right now. Very little temptation has bothered me since my visit. I have a long way to go, but I definitely jump started my journey to get there.

 

I am so pleased with my progress! Writing out my last post helped me see my world a little clearer. I'm not as bad as I thought.

 

One blessing of insomnia: late/early scripture study.

For those who feel they are not living up to the Christian standards they feel are correct:

Limhi's people, and their fathers had chosen to go against the Lord's commands. They became enslaved. Despite years of pride, they are blessed with this promise: "... if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage." It doesn't matter how many times you have fallen in the past, the Lord is still there for you. Even if you fall after you have pledged yourself to Him and His cause, if you fall, you can come back. As long as your heart is set on His purposes, and you are doing your best to surrender to His will, you are blessed with access to the Atonement. Access to His Atonement gives you an opportunity for two gifts: forgiveness, and grace. Pray for forgiveness, so you rediscover and increase your faith in Him. Use that faith to gain access to His grace to be strengthened beyond your current capacity. Then, He can make "weak things become strong" (1 Corinthians 10:13, Ether 12:27). It doesn't matter if you were born with a weakness, or developed one. All sin and shame can be overcome through Christ. Thanks be to God for the matchless gift of His son.