Don't know what to do

Hoping you guys can resolve this

There's ALWAYS hope, never give up! Xx

 

Sorry to hear

I wouldn't know what to suggest for arguing couples...maybe a temporary break? They say time is a healer...but with NoFap and PIED this stuff seems to take ages!

 

I can't give you a solution, because ultimately you have to decide how to proceed. But I will give you some support.

There's nothing wrong with you. Everything that you describe is a totally understandable, normal and natural response from a real woman. Don't blame yourself.

Of course it does. Be aware that although you feel unsexy, it doesn't mean that you are unsexy. Feeling unwanted is a result of his brain needing porn and masturbation instead of a real woman. (You're a real woman.)

None of this is your fault.

That is an unhelpful response from him. You have every right to be unhappy with what you get — or don't get, in this case. I hope that I'm wrong, but to me, this sounds like an attempt to manipulate you through guilt to get you off his back.

Frankly, as a man, he should be listening to you and understanding you, instead of guilting you.

Questions: Has he stopped PMO completely? Is he taking therapy seriously? Is he taking your relationship seriously? Is he making sincere and concerted efforts to repair the damage?

if the answers to all of the questions are "yes", it might be helpful to back off a bit. You can't afford therapy, so presumably you don't live in Europe. But you need help. Do you have a trusted and non-judgemental friend or family member to talk to?

If the answer to any of the questions is "no", you need to ask yourself some serious questions about whether this relationship is going to last. You say that you love him to death, and it sounds like you are loving him to (your) death. Is it time to stop short of death?

You need someone to listen to you, and you deserve therapy. As cost is a factor, look for therapies that are extremely cheap or free.

Below is a list of therapies that I've collated over time (I've tried almost all of them), but it's not an exhaustive list — you can find others. Some of them (such as EFT, yoga and mindfulness) can be found free on YouTube and elsewhere, although of course seeing a professional is always preferable. You might be able to find a meditation group locally that requires only a small donation.

• Ask your GP
• CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)
• Clinical psychology
• Counselling
• Craniosacral therapy
• EFT (emotional freedom technique)
• Hypnotherapy
• Indian head massage
• Massage therapy (by a professional)
• Matrix reimprinting
• Meditation
• Mindfulness
• Network spinal analysis
• NLP (neuro-linguistic programming)
• Reflexology
• Reiki
• Systemic constellations
• Tai chi
• Yoga

Life coaching (from a qualified life coach) is also an option, but it costs.

Good luck!

 

Well, I can't help you with anything but mere supportive words. Still I would say this... PMO is a different kind of demon altogether and it destroys even good people in various ways.

There is nothing wrong with you, you may be the most stunning woman out there, but because of the multitude of issues PMO creates, your partner can make you feel like you are unattractive to him which isn't there real reason as you already know. Arguments, crying and spitefulness is never gonna solve anything, so try and avoid them as much as possible. (I know it's an insanely tough thing to ask of someone in your shoes.)

Any kind of issue between two people in a relationship is solved by talking, understanding and making efforts sincerely. If he is doing all three things, I would go and suggest you to hope. If any of you isn't keen on applying all of these things, then I fear it's gonna be a different story eventually.

Once again, we are strangers on the internet so take our words with some salt.

Best wishes
-MSH

 

Have you spoken to your doctor? Counselling should be free, up to a point. Also check out Talking Space, which the NHS provides free of charge.

It doesn't take long to rewire the brain. Excessive porn and masturbation will do that quickly.

I believe that. It's true of any addict. They don't intend to hurt you, but they do hurt you. That, unfortunately, is addiction.

 

Oh, that's disappointing. Sorry, I thought that it was country-wide. Ask your GP what services the NHS can offer you, and have a look at the ideas at the end of my first post.

 

Perhaps he could drop back to once a fortnight and you could find a counsellor specialising in Betrayal Trauma for the alternate fortnights?

 

Read books by pia melody. Look at the hazelden publishing and find some books to read in the meantime on partner recovery. Have you considered going to 12 step meetings for partners? Cosa? Online meetings?
if you can’t do therapy, you’ll need to find a way to do some work. Healing needs work. Time doesn’t heal all wounds by itself.

 

Also maybe Skype or telemeetings.

 

Well done! Forgiveness and compassion are needed to move forward, this is what I've realised. Hoping you guys sort things out, life is too short to be bitter about things you can't change. X

 

This is amazing. Many spouses never reach this point and the only way forward is to grow apart. Your action says you choose to try to grow back together even though it is hard.

 

You can self refer to LIFT psychology in Wiltshire. I use this service myself. They have many courses and also 121 counselling sessions.x