Identity Crisis

So I should start by saying I used to do a lot of webcam stuff up until about a year and a half ago. I craved affirmation, especially affirmation from other men. I never felt like I fit in with other men and always felt like I wasn’t man enough. However I am well endowed and that seemed like the only way that I was “man enough”. The problem is that unless I am showing off online no one gets to recognize that. Enter webcams. I could get all the recognition, adoration, and affirmation I could ever want. But it’s obviously unhealthy, so I quit. When I got married (we waited until we were married to have sex) I thought my wife would love that I’m larger, when in fact she couldn’t care less. Sure she thoroughly enjoys sex, but it just is what it is to her. So I feel back at square one. I know it’s stupid. And I know that lots of typical masculine traits and standards are dumb and often actually unhealthy. But I just want to feel normal and in some way exceptional. I want to measure up- not just literally measuring up, but in all other ways with other normal men. It normally doesn’t affect me so much but the last week or so it has and it’s made resisting pmo/webcams so much harder.