My porn addiction story: My conservative family, my best friend & my brother

Hello guys, hello brothers and sister on the NoFAP journey,

Here I want to tell my story about my first experience with porn and masturbation.
As I was 12 years old, I went with my best friend (13 years) after school to his house to eat from his mom's meatball spaghetti and we played Playstation and we watched TV together as we usually did. One day my friend showed me a DVD which he had from his dad. It was a normal DVD but after he showed me the back cover I saw naked actors having sex. It was obviously a porn movie. His dad brought it from the DVD rental store but he had also no idea it was a porn movie. My friend said to me "I just simply asked him to buy this DVD without showing him what it was." And we watched it for about 5 to 10 minutes and he played forward to the sex scenes. It was our secret as we watched it, it was funny and awkward at the same time but it got us bored really fast and we felt us ashamed somehow and we laughed together.
We both didn't got any errection from it ....or at least not me.
We also didn't knew what porn or masturbation is.
Then I went to home and I've told my brother in an innocent way and with a smile on my face what I did today and that I watched a porn with my best friend....AND my brother slept me in my face really hard. It was weird to tell this to my brother, but I didn't thought anything negative about it or at least it didnt felt wrong to tell this to him, because it was my first experience with porn. And I cried after he slept on my face....I was just a little innocent boy who just want to have fun with my friend and nothing more. And my brother didn't allow me to speak with him or to go to him.
I had never the feeling that my friend had a bad influence to me.
We were just young kids. My parents never cared about me and my problems, my feelings nor my life, so my brother had to do always the education part for me.
To be precise I was born and raised in a turkish, muslim, conservative family in germany and everything whats been told as a sin my family could never accept it and my father beat my sisters as he was younger until he gets old and sick ( I had always an old father with over 60 years) and years later my brother also act like him as an agressive and dominant person, who dont allow people to live free.
It wasn't even possible to talk to any family members about alot of topics.
My brother never told me about the effects of porn and masturbation, he never told me about sins (although I wasn't interested in understanding sins) and I had never a calm and nice conversation with him or anybody. I can't open myself to my family and I think this will stay till death. I will always keep secrets with me my whole life.
And I think the cause of it all is the combination of conservative families with monotheist mindsets and terrible education. But maybe I could be wrong.
I dont blame people who are lovely to their kids and are more open them.
Since the "slap" incident I couldn't tell him about my feelings with having a girlfriend or like talking about loneliness, porn and masturbation addiction which has started 3 years later with 16 years. It started as I wanted to wash my penis and my balls with shampoo and I got an erection from it which felt great and looking to naked girls on poker cards I used the imagination to have sex with them. I released alot of sperm and it didn't stop for some minutes..... I was afraid of having any illness. But I didn't went to any doctor cause I felt okay with this situation.
Back then my family never wanted to have internet access, cause it costs abit money. I was always the looser in my class who never had internet and who also was bad at school cause I could never have the ability to use the support of the internet to learn better.
The school time was really hard for me and my friend and I just wanted to escape from the stress we had. A half year later my best friend died from heart attack although he wasn't that overweight. He died with 13 years. Since then I never had a good friend in my life. I still hate my family but without feeling the hate in my heart with bitterness. I became agnostic since 2-3 years ago but with a huge sympathy to buddhism and to alot of hindu teachers, gurus, yogis and I didn't told this to my family cause they wouldn't understand me at all. They simply can't respect a persons choice. I also dont think that monotheist religions brought something good to humanity.
There is always the conservativeness what let people not talk to certain topics or what leads families to violence. I have nothing experienced good with religion as a meaningful part of my life. Me and my best friend already knew that drugs, cigarettes and alcohol isn't something what we should looking for; because we learned the effects of it at school. But we were not taught about porn and masturbation as a bad habit. It has something like a pandemic situation on all over the world in media like Internet, TV, fashion magazines and so on, which already is poisonous for people and works as fascinating thing, what leads us to temptation.
PS:I am sorry that I wrote too much, but things should be told the exact way I have experienced. I love you all <3

 

Thank You for reading my story.
It was hard to tell, but I guess I have to say that once in my lifetime to anyone.
If I had just one wish.....I wish I was born in another family with another identity, with more love, more being open, less religious and more tolerant in general, where I had probably more luck. I feel so bad sometimes for being stuck in my own skin.

 

No, this is not what I wrote. He died unfortunately of his heart problems. This had nothing to do with masturbation or porn. He didn't even know like me how masturbation works. But I asked this question why somebody had to die young to some heart doctors and they said that this has something to do with the diet he ate. But maybe he had already a weak heart and he didn't knew it. I dont know.