Right fuck this, this is day 1, starting from now

No in all seriousness. This about my 20th time trying to do this shit ..

I see all the reasons to quit , it really makes a big difference, literally.

Apart from that you grow mentally , but I keep denying myself this growth , because if a compulsion.

It can be beaten . Today is day 1,

Prepare myself for hell

But to be fair the shit I've been watching, I've been far gone out of my mind

Think it's time to fix my life

 

Oh you know I've failed no less than 60 times. Still it doesn't matter my friend.
It doesn't count how many times you will fail because the win will be forever.
The best of luck.