Hello, I am back

Back from a long break. I used to be here in this place, but then for no reason I discontinued.


INTRODUCTION:
An simple incident changed my life forever. After that incident I was diagnosed with Phobia and panic attacks. In that context I was treated with medicines for more than 2 or more years I can't recall properly. In that period without my knowledge my self esteem was gone.

WHY I CAME HERE ?
From my early age I knew about masturbation, after that came digital porn then porn and masturbation happened simultaneously. I came here around the year 2017 I guess. I just wanted to end my porn addiction. I used to have nocturnal emission. I went to a doctor told my problem, then took some medications but that didn't work for me so well. Instead came some other problem. At this point of time I was searching for answers regarding harmful effects of porn on my brain, how to stop nocturnal emission ?, etc. In this respect after some searches I came to know about this site. then I gave this NoFap journey a try.

MY NOFAP JOURNEY
At 1st I relapsed for sometimes, then after that I managed to hold onto a streak for about a year.

NOTICEABLE RELAPSE
In this phrase I took up jogging and running. After a point I went to gym. Later I had an accident, its a minor one but an injury to my wrist forced me out of any form of exercise for a considerable amount of time. At this point at my initial stage of injury despite of warning from my doctor I tried to do some pushups, it worsened the injury little bit. Then after sometime probably a month, I can't recall I masturbated for 2 times in a day along with porn.

RELAPSE WHY ?
I was very much frustrated with the injury because at that point the gym was the only thing positive thing happening in my life. I was unemployed with no skill, therefore going to gym was a big thing for me. In gym I was getting some positive result, so at that point that was a big deal for me.

NOW ME
I am now 32 years old soon to be 33 in upcoming June. Right now I am frustrated, living off my parents income, have depression and anxiety. Not that I want to get to in any relationship now, but sometimes seeing some girls I think I will not be able to have a relationship with any girl.
All these affecting my health very much. I am unemployed with no special skill. Don't have the guts to think about suicide also. I am very afraid of putting end to life. Can't sleep properly. I constantly think everything is over for me. Can't get a clear picture of my life. I acn go to to a counselor but through my medication journey I came to know that these modern medicines to treat these type of problems sometimes have life long negative effect. It creates dependence on them. So trying hard to avoid them.
Again I started my NoFap journey. I managed to get a 7 day streak.

If anyone read this, first of all thank you. What do you think can I come back ?
REPLY ASAP, PLEASE.

 

My problem doesn't entirely relies upon porn, but many more. I guess you read the post. No aim in life, unemployed for too long time, anxiety, etc. All the doors seems closed to me.