Failed but here I go

I was in a very toxic relationship for 3 years and sex became the focal point of it. We broke up and the first thing I did was turn to porn then a month later I got into another relationship and that failed within 4 months and I turned to porn. Now I’m completely numb from sex p food weed (I’ve been smoking daily since my first breakup) I feel so broken and destroyed that suicidal thoughts are creeping I’m completely shattered, started reliving a lot of childhood trauma in my head. Things I didn’t know then but all of a sudden I know now Understanding things on a more conscious level from things that were subconsciously in my head. My diet has fallen off I’ve been binge eating a lot. I’m becoming more forgetful. I lost all motivation and discipline. My drive is gone My focus is dwindling I am no longer lean. But a year ago today I completed a 40 day Water only Fast & came out a beast!!! As soon as I completed that My whole world came falling down, I had an arrest warrant (I didn’t know about) My car was stolen , I was in the final stages of my naturalization process, and I started a new job. 2019 murdered me & now it’s 2020. I need to find a way back to life. I cannot keep on this path. I’m praying lent will guide me back. It’s unbearable. I will try to do alternate day fasting with clean eating No PMO Workout daily and read daily. I hope I can make it past lent & continue for another 80 days after. I hope to rebuild myself back up in 120 days to at least create a foundation for myself again. My mind can’t take this anymore.

 

You're not alone brother, and you are in the right place, do what's right and you will get rid of all these problems, i suggest you to do a to do list and follow it with discipline, this year is yours!