Where's the love?

I think more and more recently reboots are taking longer, withdrawal symptoms are more extreme and less and less people are reporting full recovery’s and pied successes. I’ve recovered so to speak multiple times and a slip on social media after about a year clean seemingly sent me back to before I started. I think less people have advice to offer and more people are suffering now than a few years back on these forums. Also if you look on the other rebooting sites you will see the same trend. Not only that but less people are releasing content on sites like YouTube that are relevant to these long reboots and heavy paws symptoms, even on ybop there are few stories that speak to the types of issues people are suffering from lately. We’re at the point where people who are now quitting have used high speed porn from puberty or earlier til their mid to late twenties and because of this it is a more severe problem than even 3-5 years back.

 

Be the one. Be the help. Regardless of my experience. We can all help each other. But we are addicts so we are not always emotionally available to others. I promise to help where I can. That’s all I can do. Who also wants to do the same?

 

I don't think it's that they are being ignored so much as being unlucky as to have been posted when few people are active on the forum. If I happen to spot a thread with zero replies, I'll look, and if I happen to have something useful to say, I'll say it.

The community is nothing more (or less) than a bunch of people like you and me, most of whom (I believe) want to help each other.

 

As already stated we are simply people like you, I am willing to help everyone but unfortunately we can't be always active on the site, everyone of us has his own deadlines because of work,school or whatever, you can ask for help but you can't really expect that all the threads will always have great answers. If other people answer to other threads yours can easily go in page 2 of the section, and once it is here, it is not likely to get an answer.
As for life, try again.
We are human after all. Maybe I've the answer you're searching for, maybe I don't, still you wrote you need help.
I am here, on this thread or on a private message. What do you need my friend?

 

We try to help each other the best we can. As others have already pointed out we're only humans with all our strengths and weaknesses. I'm very grateful to many members on this forum that have helped me when I needed help the most and now I'm trying to return the favor the best I can. Maybe you should combine help from these forum with other recovery mentors. Tim Johnson and Ryan Donnelly (God rest his soul) have been 2 of my YT recovery channels to go to when I needed answers regarding addiction/life in general or just inspiration to hold on.

 

I started my journey like you. (just for information, on any website, suppose a website on which you can search for you software codes or simply software, We are so happy when we download a software or we find the code which we are looking for. But how many of us actually post the code for the community. There is nothing wrong if you don't post the code. I am saying in general that 95% of the traffic is by leeches and only 5 percent are seeders (typical words from torrent sites nothing else).

I was on a site called edaboard and I used to post technical questions so that somebody reads my questions and answer. Instead of searching for the answer to that question even if somebody else has asked the same question and got the answer. This is our general tendency and I am among the same group. Even today, I post the question on websites for technical help instead of looking for an answer.

Now what happened next is, when I was looking for answer I found a question by a user which was too simple. I think he was a newbie thats why he was facing that and I answered to it. after a few days, I got a personal message from him asking if I found the solution to my problem and I said no and then he gave me some ideas to approach that. There was nothing common between me and him. I shouldn't be saying this but his ideas were bullshit, tried those methods already and my problem was not solved.

But why is he interested in my problem, why he is taking effort to help me. Just bec I helped him.

You many help many and nobody helps you, still just bec others not helping you, you cant stop helping others.

I would say, first of all-- I apologies that some of your questions left unanswered and it was my duty to answer if some post is left unanswered for too long. Another thing is-- you try to read other's post and try to help them and I am 100000000% sure that they will listen to you and help you.
This community is great and I still miss those people who helped me here long time back.

Have a nice day.

 

I would like to quote from a book .. "The fountainhead". A person asks his friend that what should I do, should I join this great job or should I join this great college for masters. He says, you are making a mistake by asking me. How could you stand not knowing what you want to do. if you dont know that then who would.

I totally understand that our parents can't understand our problems and neither can they give any logical advise. I, myself feel that if my parents were a bit knowledgeable then they could have advised me on my career options. I feel I have wasted 5 years of life in knowing that I should have done that thing a long back. I am jealous of my cousins that I am there to guide them but being the eldest in family, I never got any advise for my career.

But we can't change those things. We should put effort in what all we can do.

 

I'm kinda in the middle on this issue. On one hand I rationally understand that most of the time threads go unanswered simply because people either dont see them or have nothing practical to offer as help. On the other hand it definitely is disheartening to ask for help and see that people have viewed the thread but not bothered to write anything. This is where my anxiety and paranoia comes in; I logically know these people probably had nothing meaningful or helpful to say, so why say anything right? Despite this I cant help but feel bad about it.

 

This forum is very big and very active. Nobody can even read all the posts, let alone respond to them.

There are a couple of reasons why I sometimes don't respond to that kind of message. One is that I don't feel confident enough to give advice to someone who is suffering so much, particularly if their addiction is more severe than mine, they started at a younger age, they have other serious addictions, or are suffering from trauma. I wouldn't just give any old advice for the sake of saying something.

The other reason is that sometimes I can see very clearly the root of someone's problem (this is particularly with the younger people) but the solution is so far removed from where they are at that it wouldn't really help and they probably wouldn't understand anyway.

 

I will be honest and say I have felt the same way. I have reached out for questions, or even help, and seen nothing. Pretty depressing.

 

What do you need help with?

 

That all really sucks to hear honestly it does. I know what it's like to feel some type of anger towards your parents for letting you stay in your room and play video games all day for years. Honestly, it's ruined my life and I just wish it never happened and I would be in such a better place right now but it's so hard to get out now that I'm in this slump. I cant blame my parents because they didn't know and also maybe it was easier that way because I wouldnt annoy them in my room. However; I dont dwell on it and only thought about it just now because of you bringing it up. I like to think it's made me a better person; not really but at least I know what it's like to be a loser and the humility is good. You lost your job and that's put a dent in your plans but its okay. Over the years of amounting to nothing I've just given up to a "who fucking cares" way of thinking and I'll find a way out some way. This has caused a lot of procrastination but honestly it's better than dwelling. Set a date for yourself to meet some goals whether it's when you apply for a job or when you move out and just do it. Everything will be okay but just know that your an adult man and you have to make some big strides sooner than later if you'd like to remain that title.

 

It's nothing to do with how clever you are. Anyone can feel sufficiently desperate to commit suicide if circumstances are sufficiently bad, and you don't know how to deal with problems.

Your addiction has left you without the life skills to deal with problems. To remedy that, you need therapy.

From your username, I presume that you live in the UK. Your first step is to visit your GP, and ask two questions. 1. Ask to see a counsellor. 2. Ask what help there is for someone feeling seriously depressed. Depending on where you are in the country, you might find one or two excellent resources.

Again, nothing to do with being stupid. It can happen to anyone (and has happened to many people). Give yourself time to grieve and bounce back. Money isn't everything; mental health is.

Get therapy. As you're unemployed, you'll have to rely on the NHS for now.
FIgure out your passion, and then make a plan to work towards it. But, one step at a time; you don't want to overwhelm yourself.

Each time you feel the craving of addiction, realise that it's only a way to numb your feelings. You want to start feeling again, to learn how to deal with problems and to learn new wonderful feelings that you haven't felt since you were a kid. Let that be your motivation to go clean! Instead of PMOing, get out a piece of paper and plan your life, or research potential jobs, or telephone job agencies, etc.

 

I also think that if my parents were a bit stricter with me towards my studies, I would have been miles ahead of where I am right now. But still I feel that I am at a very good place bec they never said anything and there are many whose parents were a lot strict and still they are no where. it depends on us how we use that freedom