Where's the love?

AtomicTango · Feb 27, 2020

LeeUK said: ↑

Thanks for the response.

Perhaps this could be made into a thread in which people post their problems and those who are getting alerts can read what was posted and offer support.

I'll start...

I recently lost both my girlfriend and job due to this sickness. The stress caused by going 'cold turkey' made me moody and the testosterone boost made me angry at times. I relapsed on Tuesday, the day after I lost my job, after telling myself enough is enough. I actually had a vision of myself attempting suicide. I believe I'm smart enough not to act upon this but even having the thoughts is scary. I am 31 years old, still living with parents, I was due to move into my own home and start my own little side business outside of work which would have made it so I was pulling in at least £20,000 a year. I had a holiday to Thailand planned in October. All of this has imploded with me losing my job. I feel so stupid and upset. Furthermore I'm really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I've accepted that the reason this happened is that I can't handle my emotions and must work on that before I can take another job. My dad said that he understood and wouldn't be on my case to find another job so fast but last night it was like that conversation never happened. His idea of fixing this is to get back into work asap no matter what the job is. I'm sorry but that is just going to lead to the same thing without me bettering myself first. I have money, I gave them £200 for rent/food etc yesterday. I'm not eating much as I'm doing fasting as well as cutting out bread/added sugar.

Just not sure what else I can be doing to improve my situation. My view on this is I am damaged and haven't been able to develop as a normal person should as I was pmoing every day of my life. My parents weren't strick enough with me and allowed me to sit in my bedroom playing video games for years and years without warning me about the dangers of it. I think they didn't know either. I feel overwhelmed with pressure to get my own home and make it on my own. I want this more than anything.
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I think its easy to say that things would be different if our lives went in another direction, but I find this to be an unhealthy way of thinking and serves to make us more depressed. I went to university, got a degree, and am generally well educated and competent. Despite this I have no job, no relationship, barely any friends, and spend most of my time alone in my bedroom. Its easy to think "my life would be better if I went a different route" or "If only I did this or that things would be better" but in the end you dont have a time machine and cant go back and change things. If I could tell myself I would end up hating the thing I got my degree in, I would have for sure, but I cant, and its a waste of time to contemplate it. All you can do now is have the resolve to improve the situation you are currently in, and based on what you have written in this thread quitting PMO seems to be just the start.

LeeUK · Feb 27, 2020

AtomicTango said: ↑

All you can do now is have the resolve to improve the situation you are currently in, and based on what you have written in this thread quitting PMO seems to be just the start.
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It is just the start in a way however I have made a lot of progress especially over the last year. What has happened recently has set me back loads and that is why the negative thoughts have come flooding back. I live in an area where employment is limited and often hard to come by. You have lots of people applying for the same jobs to the point where employers haven't got the time to siv through all of the applications. The girl I lost was easily the most attractive and loving person I'd every met in my life. To think that I let her go is crazy to me now, I don't know what was going through my head. I did try and reconcile with her but she has moved on with her life and is currently working away from home, she didn't exactly say no though. Maybe we will get back together in the future (I hope ) but thinking about her hurts so much right now. I need to change my life and become a stronger person in all areas before I let someone into my life again.

AtomicTango · Feb 27, 2020

LeeUK said: ↑

It is just the start in a way however I have made a lot of progress especially over the last year. What has happened recently has set me back loads and that is why the negative thoughts have come flooding back. I live in an area where employment is limited and often hard to come by. You have lots of people applying for the same jobs to the point where employers haven't got the time to siv through all of the applications. The girl I lost was easily the most attractive and loving person I'd every met in my life. To think that I let her go is crazy to me now, I don't know what was going through my head. I did try and reconcile with her but she has moved on with her life and is currently working away from home, she didn't exactly say no though. Maybe we will get back together in the future (I hope ) but thinking about her hurts so much right now. I need to change my life and become a stronger person in all areas before I let someone into my life again.
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Its important to recognise setbacks dont equate to lost progress unless you allow them to hold you back. As hard as it is, if you pick yourself up and keep moving, you will get back to where you were. I do agree that it might be best to work on improving yourself before you pursue a new relationship.

Deleted Account · Feb 28, 2020

LeeUK said: ↑

I have made a lot of progress especially over the last year.
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Remember this.

LeeUK said: ↑

What has happened recently has set me back loads and that is why the negative thoughts have come flooding back.
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Forget about that.

There's an old saying that goes like this "Life is a mirror, if you smile to it, it will smile you back".
You're in a bad situation. I feel you, but "if only" can only ruin your life.
I am stucked in my situation because for years, I've been too easily forgiven about my academic's failures and bc they all tell you that watching P in the end is healthy.
Still it was me who failed the exams, and watch too much P, nobody forced me to do that.
You have to go to the root of your problem. As already stated therapy can help you in this moment of confusion.
They're professional and they know how to help you to the best.
We can give advices, and mine is to remember that you are a good person and you deserve to overcome all of this.
And when bad period will come remember about all the bad periods you already had.
And remember you overcame them all

LeeUK · Feb 28, 2020

fg4795 said: ↑

Remember this.

Forget about that.

There's an old saying that goes like this "Life is a mirror, if you smile to it, it will smile you back".
You're in a bad situation. I feel you, but "if only" can only ruin your life.
I am stucked in my situation because for years, I've been too easily forgiven about my academic's failures and bc they all tell you that watching P in the end is healthy.
Still it was me who failed the exams, and watch too much P, nobody forced me to do that.
You have to go to the root of your problem. As already stated therapy can help you in this moment of confusion.
They're professional and they know how to help you to the best.
We can give advices, and mine is to remember that you are a good person and you deserve to overcome all of this.
And when bad period will come remember about all the bad periods you already had.
And remember you overcame them all
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I really needed to hear this today. Brought a tear to my eye.

Thank you so much.

Deleted Account · Feb 28, 2020

LeeUK said: ↑

I really needed to hear this today. Brought a year to my eye.

Thank you so much.
Click to expand...

Anytime my friend

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