PIED journal

I think mine is a common problem in this forum section. I fight against PIED from a couple years, this because I discovered this community just recently.

My symptoms are:

- desensitized penis
- i have no morning woods
- can't get a hard erection
- even if I have a decent erection I can't usually penetrate because it get flaccid the most of the times
- can't use condoms, of course
- I can just have sex in a few position, lying on bed
- Impossible to have erection while standing

I started no PMO 19 days ago with just an exception. I can have sex with girls, but not paid girls. this because I know that having sex helps the mind on overcoming my porn addiction in favor of sex with real girls.

Briefly myself:
I'm a student, a good one, have excellent marks, I like to climb. I've a quite good social life, I know new people every day, I have no problem with girls, except with sex, of course :-(, and every time it happens that "he" doesn't go up, I have to explain what PIED is. And it is really frustrating. I have to meet with some girls right now, but i won't because I know I'll go to bed with them, and I'm tired of this situation. Don't knowing if I'll have an erection or not, and anyway, a bad one. I like to cook, read and watch films. Anyway, I'm quite active and positive.

From day 0 to now (day 19):
I started after an 18 days streak, and in this 18 days, I had a 2 weeks flatline (really bad, I panicked). In this period it happened to me to have sex with a virgin girl. Of course "it" didn't work, it just work, sometimes and in some situations, with capable girls. Anyway. At day 3 it happened again to have sex with this girl. This time I had an erection, but no penetration (had no condom). Anyway, tha I had some problems with urges in the first week. Then for Christmas and new year I came back home, to my parents (I don't live in my home town). I had no time for the urge fortunately, but the night of 31 December I had "sex", but "it" didn't work. We did each other just oral sex. Then I came back to my university, and fortunately, I started studying for exams, so I am trying to postpone with this girls I have to meet. I started some days ago doing Kegels.

What it is changed from day 0 to 19:

- i noticed a huge increase of energy (really a lot)
- I don't wake up tired.
- I'm more active
- I feel more self confident. I'm facing life in a more confident way. (and this is super, I don't know if it is caused by noPMO, but it is really like to be a superhero. when I am tempted on relapsing I think: Hey, I don't want to lose this sensation, and then I press the panic button XD)
- Sometimes I have erection just thinking on girls I meet. sometimes even strong erections and for some minutes (which is amazing)
- Urge swing. Sometimes very strong. Sometimes low.
- sometimes I can't study for the urge. thinking to start doing meditation
- My addiction is still here, together with PIED. But I'm positive. I'll win against this monster.

So this is a short introduction, I will write quite daily how it evolves, and how I feel in the meantime. All the things I will try, and if something works or not on me. So, good luck to everyone who is facing PIED, I know what it feels. Hope to solve it, and to help someone with this thread.

 

Day 22. A couple nights ago I had an erection (80%), that didn't want me to sleep, it really lasted a long time. It's positive, I think. I'm continuing doing Kegels. I'm continuing studying, of course, except yesterday, which I spent with some friends. I have not started with meditation yet. In the meantime I began the book 12 rules for life: an antidote to chaos, by Jordan B. Peterson, and it seems a really good book. lately I'm going to sleep too late, and in the morning I wake up a little stunned. I think I'll try going to sleep a little earlier, starting from tonight.

Let's see if I can direct my energy (which I think derives from no PMO) for improve my lifestyle.

I'll set up some goals for the week from 13 -> to 20:

- going to bed at 00:00, if possible (Every day)
- Finish to study and start to repeat
- Train at least 3 times
- read at least 30 minutes before going to bed, If possible (every day)


I think it will be enough for this week, I'll insert meditation maybe next week.
on next Monday I'll give myself a success rate (%).

And for reward? nothing! I don't need it, I need just the consciousness (in % XD) that I'm improving myself.

I think this list will grow up a lot.

 

Day 25. 4 days to Monday, and to my % score. Yesterday I spent all the day studying, and at 6 p.m. I went to the gym, then I came back home and collapsed on bed. I was very tired, so I ate something, stay a little with flat mates, and then I went to bed. Try to guess?! I couldn't sleep for the urge. so i turned myself into bed for quite a long time until I finally could sleep. Then, one of my flat mates made some noise early in the morning, and I woke up (6 a.m. I think). And here the amazing thing! I had morning wood! And for me is super, because I usually don't have it! Anyway, PIED is still there, but at least it is a step forward. Hope to have more. I would like to observe that after these days I have the urge to ejaculate more than porn. I'll explain better. When the urge get stronger, I don't feel the need to see some porn and masturbate, like it was before (it was something obvious to use porn and masturbate when I needed to ejaculate), I just feel the need to ejaculate, regardless porn or masturbation (probably because the urge is stronger than it was before noPMO). Maybe is something good. I mean, of course porn comes in to my mind, but doesn't have the importance it has before.

 

Day 29. Talking about my % score.
I had 4 goals, which means 25% each.

- Going to bed early. I did it just three times (10%)
- About studying, I finished and started to repeat (25%)
- I trained 2 times (15%)
- I read just one evening. (5)

55%. mmmmm not the best, but it can be ok for this week. Studying takes a lot of energy.

Talking about PIED. I'm continuing doing Kegel. Sometimes I have an erection, usually when in bed, and it feels always a little better, I have the impression that my erection is going always better. Anyway, I'm in a weird situation. I don't feel the need to masturbate anymore. Maybe just a little, sometimes, but rarely. It feels like a flatline, but I remember it, and was different, was worst. When I had the 2 weeks flatline I felt like my penis was all dead, and I panicked, now is something like that, but a little different, maybe a little softer, I don't feel my penis all dead at least.

Another list, and another % for week 20-> 27

- going to sleep early (still here)
- finish to study and be super prepared
- train at least 3 times
- read before going to bed
- find a paper on a weird scientific argument, and study it
- try meditation a couple of days

I think that's enough for now.

 

Here again. Day 32. Some observations.

1) This morning I had a morning wood. So I think I am not in a flatline. Anyway it's weird, because lately I feel no sexual stimuli (or just a little anyway), and my penis feels like dead, but sometimes not. For instance, yesterday evening I met a girl with an amazing body, and she drove me mad (and the lust came back all together).. Yesterday, when I came back home, I seriously risked to reset. I think she is the cause of my morning wood.
Maybe I thought to be in a flatline because I don't feel anymore the need to see porn (like it was before), I mean, I feel more aroused seeing real girls, like the one yesterday.

2) I noticed more control on my energy. I posted a thread talking about the energy I gained, but that I couldn't concentrate. I needed to study, and it was a problem. But it passed just a few days ago, I have the same energy, but less excitement, I'm more calm. I think that was a phase I (like a lot of you) just had to pass.

3) Talking about Kegels, I feel my pelvic muscles more trained, but no difference on my penis functions (sometimes it seems more turgid, but I don't think it is because of Kegels). I feel my butt more tough instead !

A question for you guys:

When I get aroused I have the sensation I can predict if my erection will work or not, just on my body sensations. Do you feel the same, or do you just try to get an erection sometimes to see if it's passed or not? (How do you verify your PIED status? with sensation or tests?)

 

Day 37. Had an exam yesterday. It went very well. I should have reached the maximum grade.

About PIED.
I don't know, I feel like the last week, I would like to O, but I can't, so it's ok, I can easily control it. Sometimes I have erections, and good ones, but not at 100%, and always when I'm laying in bed. I'm sure that if i stand up, my erections will decrease. continuing kegels.

I will write my % score another day, or maybe later. Today I'm very tired. I'm not in the mood for writing

 

Ok, no, I can't easily control it, it's 3:25 A.M., and I can't sleep for the urge . I think it will be a long and suffering night

 

Day 41.

First wet dream.
4 days ago I had a wet dream, my first one. It was weird, because I don't remember anything, I just woke up during a dream, and in the dream I was having sex with a friend, a girl I like, and I woke up just after ejaculation. my penis hurted a bit. from the day after until now, I feel no kind of stimuli. just like some posts ago, It's not a flat line, but something similar. I hated a lot this wet dream, because I feel the difference from before. I feel like it will need more time to pass.

Test 1. Let's see how my PIED is going.
Something like a week ago I met a girl, yesterday i kissed her, and today she invited me to her home. I think we are going to have sex at 99% or more. Of course I am in panic... I know that probably I will fail, I feel like it's not the right moment, I don't think my PIED is cured. Anyway, I will test it. I'll let you know.

 

Day 42.

Test results.
In the end she came and spent the night here, in my home. We had no sex, because I had no condoms, and she doesn't do it without. We just had oral sex, multiple times. She is experienced, and knows how to provoke. I had lots of erections, and good ones. Before noFap I couldn't have a decent erection, neither with hand stimulus or mouth stimuli. Sometimes I could just with BJ, but anyway the erection was temporary. This time I had decent erections just with some massage. I have to say that she is very good in provoke sexual arousal. And I think this is an essential thing for rewriting the mind in favor of sex, trying to overcome porn addiction. Just one time I tried penetration, but she stopped me. It could have been gone well. In the end, it went well, erections comes faster, and better, I think I can have penetration in some positions, without condoms, but I don't think I can in more complicated position, or even standing. My erection is quite strong, but not at the best. and I don't know if it will last. Not sure if I can with condoms. Anyway, I will buy some, or today, or tomorrow. Then I'll try, and I'll let you know.

 

Day 44.

Test results 2.0
The day after she came to my home, I went to her home, but I was very very tired, and we just had oral sex. Erections were not like the day before. they were weak, not enough for penetration. Hope it was just because of my tiredness, but I don't think so. Anyway, she is coming to my home tomorrow evening, and the day after she'll return home for 2 weeks (she is a non resident student), so tomorrow we will have sex. I have a little anxiety about it. I'm afraid it will not work.

 

Day 45.

Test 3.0
We couldn't have sex, my erection was too weak. I didn't tell her about my PIED, but I think I will. I don't know, but the first day we met, in my home, was better, I had strong erections, and we had no sex because of condoms, but this time, my erection was not like the first. It si possible that the first time I had a better erection because of my long abstinence from O. Maybe my normal erection (for normal I mean an erection not influenced by long abstinence) is the one I had yesterday. The weak one. Another difference from the first time, is that I was more excited, it could be another consequence of O abstention. From the second time I was less excited. Another thing I was thinking about, is that I felt my penis muscles weaker (we had really lot oral sex). Anyway, I don't think my lack of erection is due to muscle fatigue, it is not consistent. In conclusion: I think abstinence from O is good because it changes hormone levels, and gradually increases the physiological need to have sex (the need any animal should have for procreate). The more the time of abstinence, the better. Therefore, I think it is useful O (especially after a long abstinence) only with a real girl, and, above all, trying to find as the best as possible the positive and arousal sensation sex should give. After sex, I think hormone levels change again to normal, and the need of sex go down. This is because, I think, in nature the most important thing is O, and when we orgasm, the body enter in a status like ok, I've done, you can rest. Because the most important thing in nature is to procreate, which means, pass your genes to the following generation. ( this statuses, the one we desperately go in search for sex, and tho other one we have just after sex, depends on hormones levels, and hormones levels could depends on, among all factors, abstinence from O) Thats why I think that at some point, is good to alterante periods of abstinence and O with real girls. Anyway, this girl went home today, and will come back in 2 weeks. I'll not have O until that day.

Of course these are all my assumption, I'm not sure of everything I've said, but I think it could be consistent. It should be nice to do some quantitative research on it.

 

Ok, i'm at day 48. everything was going good (I think), and then, I met this girl. Every time I'm with this girl I ejaculate, and every time I ejaculate starts something like a flat line (or maybe a flat line). This flat line get better everyday, even if slowly. In a couple of weeks it pass. So I'm in a permanent flat line due to this girl. The best thing should be to leave her, but I won't. So I have decided to start the re-writing part of my "journey" with this girl, the question is, how it works? Before the first ejaculation it was good, I could feel sensations, and had a good erection, (good for re-writing I think) but from the second I was in a flatline, I had no excitement, and consequently no erection, of course, no sensations, I had no sexual desire. So, I think that for re-writing, it is important not to be in a flatline. So the question, I am with this girl, and trying to have sex constantly, and I'm in a flat line, constantly, so it's harder to re-write... how to get rid of it (the flat line)? Is it just a matter of time? I hope it isn't. Is flat line only porn dependent? I think more person have different flat lines because it depends on how their mind work on overcome porn, and on anxiety of precedent sexual disfunction events. It means that it's possible to do something for shorten the flat line duration... I think.
Summary. For re-writing, someone should have rebooted first. Rebooting means, to not be porn dependent anymore. You are rebooted when you are not in a flat line (you have spontaneous and not porn dependent erection, even after ejaculating). Maybe flat line, and so the rebooting duration, can be modulated. Then it is possible to start the re-writing.

 

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...and-desensitization-and-how-you-can-to.74377/ need to remember it, it think it will work.

 

Hi! thank you for your answer. I don't think it's like that, I mean, sexual energy is not something you can measure. What's that exactly? everything in the male sexual system rebuild itself, like sperms, they are constantly produced. Even testosterone is constantly produced. like lot of organs or tissues, they rebuild themself, and are quite good at it. So, if this sexual energy exists, it is the mind, or in hormone levels, which are modulated, among the other thing, on the mind. And it means, unless you have permanent damage in tissues producing some kind of hormones, it is reversible, because it is only on your mind. So don't despair, it can be solved. We have just to find the right way. there is always a way....but the important thing, do not surrender, never. And try every time new ways. sorry for the bad English, I don't know if I explained myself in the best way. Anyway, I'll write another post, with some questions, to have some data. I'll solve it, and hope I'll find something like a rule behind it. even if it is hard when psychological factors are involved.

 

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/flat-line-survey.266665/ a little survey

 

Day 66. I'm dating every day with a girl, with the girl I talked you about. every day we finish in bed, touching, kissing, rubbing, and other things, but we had no sex yet. we have a lot of oral sex. I think my erection is enough for penetration, but is a problem because it don't last too much if I stop the stimulus. and condom is a problem for it. so I'm not even trying. I've seen, in this days, that my erection is gradually lasting more, is stronger, and the flat line from an erection to the next is decreasing (is not a flat line, is just low libido, I can have more erection in a row) . I think these are all good symptoms.

 

day 70. i just had sex with the girl i talked you about. we did it without condoms, for various reason. what to say.... noFAP is working, indeed I have low libido, my penis need to be stimulated to get an erection, but the erection is quite good, it was something around 100%, it was hard. I don't know if I can do it standing, and I don't know if I stop penetrating how much my erection will last. But the erection is going very good.