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Don’t know what to do

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. Mar 2, 2020 #1
    Helpmeout123

    Helpmeout123 Fapstronaut

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    Long story short, I used to struggle with being unable to cum off sex because of death grip and also erectile dysfunction. Joined the site and about 80 days in to no masterbating or porn, I was able to cum for the first time in my entire life with my girlfriend. This was amazing as it’s proof it worked.

    Fast forward 5 Months later, I am now struggling with something else. I have literally zero interest in sex, when me and my girlfriend try to do stuff, I either can’t get hard or get hard for a short period of time then lose my erection altogether.

    because it’s happened a few times now, it is causing me to have severe performance anxiety. Can anybody give me some advice on what to do to get out of this mind frame?

    I know it’s a case of mind over matter but it’s easier said than done. When we try and have sex, rather than being present and enjoying it, I am in my head thinking “please get hard” and can’t relax.
     
    Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020
    Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020
    #1
  2. Mar 2, 2020 #2
    LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

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    Are you still doing nofap?
     
    LeeUK, Mar 2, 2020
    LeeUK, Mar 2, 2020
    #2
  3. Mar 2, 2020 #3
    Helpmeout123

    Helpmeout123 Fapstronaut

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    Yes
     
    Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020
    Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020
    #3
  4. Mar 2, 2020 #4
    LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

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    Ok. Some more info needed here.

    How old are you?
    Do you find your partner attractive?
    Are you in love with her?
    How often do you attempt sex?
    Does she make you feel bad about not being able to perform?
    How long were you addicted to porn?
    Does your partner know about your addiction/nofap?
    Is she your first girlfriend?
    Do you have a history of depression and or anxiety?
    Do you exercise?
    What does your diet consist of?
    Do you sleep well?

    Answer these and I'll get back to you today. Until then chin up and think positive. At least you have a partner.
     
    LeeUK, Mar 2, 2020
    LeeUK, Mar 2, 2020
    #4
  5. Mar 2, 2020 #5
    Helpmeout123

    Helpmeout123 Fapstronaut

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    How old are you? 28
    Do you find your partner attractive? Very
    Are you in love with her? Yes we are getting married
    How often do you attempt sex? Not as often because I’ve lost my confidence due to ED
    Does she make you feel bad about not being able to perform? not at all
    How long were you addicted to porn? Watched it from when I was 16 to June last year
    Does your partner know about your addiction/nofap? Yes
    Is she your first girlfriend? Yes first serious relationship but have had casual things previously
    Do you have a history of depressionand or anxiety? No
    Do you exercise? Yes 4 times a week. Mostly weights minimal cardio
    What does your diet consist of? Healthy balanced meals. Lots of fruit and veg
    Do you sleep well? Average. Could be better
     
    Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020
    Helpmeout123, Mar 2, 2020
    #5
    LeeUK likes this.
  6. Mar 2, 2020 #6
    LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

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    Honestly a bit stumped here..

    You seem to be doing most things right and although you could be sleeping more, that isn't going to make that much of a difference to your libido.

    I can't understand where the ED is coming from. Does it get hard to begin with then get lazy during intercourse or can you just not get it up at all? If it's the latter then I suggest you go and have your blood tested to rule out anything more serious. At 28 years of age, full blown ED is extremely rare.

    Just a thought. You had been watching porn for 12 years and then met this girl who is your first real relationship, right? 12 years is a long time to be addicted to porn, it's possible that your brain is still rewiring itself and you are putting too much pressure on yourself to perform.

    Try this if you haven't already. Think of something sexy that you would love to see your gf wear for you. Maybe ask her to put her hair a certain way or for her to act a certain way. Whatever turns you on. Eat some foods that are known aphrodisiacs beforehand, have a beer or something that will relax you and get you in the mood. Start with a lot of kissing and touching, don't rush into the sex. Have her wear something that is easy access to her genitals so when you are standing tall there's no fumbling around taking off layers of clothing.

    If none of that works then I have no idea.
     
    LeeUK, Mar 2, 2020
    LeeUK, Mar 2, 2020
    #6

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