Lost my Whole Weekend to Flatline - help

I'm 33 or so days into no PMO and have had a bad case of flatline. I won't get out of bed unless I have an arrangement of some kind. I have no desire to work on my creative projects go to the gym or play video games. Is flatline something that keeps occurring long term or does it get easier? I feel defeated, cynical and numb. I honestly feel like I'm back where I started. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

I guess I'm not sure I see the point of continuing, (although I will) I mean, I don't have the desire for pmo but I also don't have the desire to do anything. I have made almost every sacrifice I could think of to be a better person but I'm not getting anything done like I was a week or two ago. I thought by making a sacrifice like this there would be a constant boost of energy, guess I don't know what to do for sure

 

I am almost exclusively on keto and yeah it works wonders. The gym also helped today a lot, now I seem to be out of flatline but am completely full of rage/sadness but in a productive wholesome way. It's a lot at once. I might need to scream or something. I am scared to return to my old ways because I feel so much more determined now than I used to, but I don't want to live without O forever. The women I'm trying to date are total flakes, or else they want nothing to do with me. I'm handling it better than I used to, at least.

 

This is a huge issue for me. I have always had trouble getting sex. I'm told that I have an intimidating appearance/face, but I believe I am attractive. I have always had relatively low confidence and have been scared of women (hence starting NoFap) but for some reason I have always struggled so damn much. I've only ever had sex twice. The last time I had the opportunity I didn't want to because she was drunk and everything was just way off. My confidence has improved a lot and I have been talking to a few women, but they end up ghosting me or canceling plans, or acting like I don't exist. I don't get it. My hope is that after giving up porn, masturbation, coffee, carbs, alcohol, nicotine and laziness that eventually something will work out, or that I will have the opportunity for casual or committed sex again, but it's burning a hole in my head. I am doing everything I can possibly think of. Also tinder is a joke.

 

I'm 31, work full time most months but am doing 24 hours at the moment. I get out plenty and talk to real women, they just keep bailing on me or ghosting. I just don't understand. I look fine, not overweight, I must just be scary or something. I have intimidating eyes people say, and I'm not tall or short (5'9"). I have very curly brown hair. I do things every day to break the mould and try to see things differently, talk to strangers, etc. I just can't seem to fully let go of inhibition. Nofap has helped my "woman talking skills" immensely, but the flatline has been killer this week. I don't even want to return to porn anymore, at least most hours of the day. I will travel alone, have had that desire lately actually.

 

Yeah it's a lot at once, possibly too much, but it seems to be working for the most part (?) I mean, I can't be smoking, I don't buy them I just bum them on a somewhat daily basis; same with disposable e-cigs. They're really fun for me but I'm not super hooked. I go days even weeks without and do fine. Alcohol is just completely horrible and causes everything for me to go wrong, so it's been kinda empowering to throw it all out at once. I have tried betterment before but never had this amount of success, especially in terms of weight loss. Carbs really do make me feel horrible and put on weight, and coffee makes me overthink like crazy. I'm probably in the process of coming out of a deep depression of many years; I originally gave up dating/relationships when I was 23 because of a heartbreak that I guess was pretty traumatic. I didn't start having any sort of self esteem until sometime around my 30th birthday. I definitely agree that it's overkill, but I've got a lot of determination/results right now and it's snowballing so I don't know how much I should be rocking the boat

 

I'll try and explain quick; It goes like this: I get to know a girl on a first name basis, we have a couple things in common, there are no obvious red flags or weirdness, I ask for her phone number. Every time I've ever asked for a phone number (four or five times in the last couple years) we text and seem to be friendly. I haven't been good about initiating the next step (cutting porn has helped that instinct kick in). Each woman responds differently and they seem to lose interest at different rates, or just stop messaging me in the middle of a conversation. I play it VERY safe when I text. I think I know what to do, just in terms of "being a man" better than I did a year or two ago, but I was also really bad about striking while the iron was hot. I usually just play it cool for weeks or months and then it kinda fizzles out. So my realizations are:

---I am coming off too shy, nice, timid or scared.
---I am waiting too long to initiate dates and sex

I can not stress enough, I am better with women than I was a month ago, I've come a long way in the last year but I'm trying to figure out how to really make them curious or interested in me. I'm not so nervous anymore but I am getting impatient. When I am flatlined it's much harder to approach women. Any and all advice is appreciated. I recently read that "How to Pick up Girls" book and it seemed to help my attitude a lot.

 

Please elaborate on this because I've said/heard something similar before but it doesn't come up in conversation very often. Are you referring to innocence? ----- I am afraid I cannot even imagine the way women are ALSO harmed by this sort of addiction; surreal to me that we're even talking about it. I imagine there are similarities to men. The spurts of dopamine thing makes sense..!! All I know is that, at my best, (with nofap) I am a productive determined "real man"/social butterfly, but at my worst I am just ready to crawl in a hole and die. I've had sex twice in my life! My sexual journey has been deprivation torture! It's a days work just to fight off the anger I have toward my family and health teachers, anyone who got in the way, set a bad example, or just plain didn't talk to me when I needed it most. Now I'm even afraid to go back to porn for relief because it f----d me over worse than any of the people I could try to blame. It ends up having been me that got addicted to the nudie trash just like every other dude in the internet era. The irony is just ... intoxicating

 

This is all so damn helpful, thank you. I have self analyzed myself into a real mess lately. I will think about this all and get the ball rolling faster harder. Exhaustion.