1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Extremely vicious treatment from Tinder girl

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Feb 21, 2020.

  1. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

    178
    538
    93
    I feel like we aren’t really getting the full story here. For the most part, people don’t just do a complete turn around for No Reason. I know we can only hear his side of the story. But I strongly suspect he has played a big hand in the way things turn out for him. If he calls women shallow, on this forum. It makes me wonder how he approaches and treats women in person. Or just people in general. He is convinced that women will 100% of the time go for a guy who is better looking than you. And in some posts he contradicts himself. I think his attitude is incredibly toxic. And it’s really hard to feel bad for someone who seems to be doing it to themselves. All his posts are a pity party for himself and his hurt ego. I would imagine most people that are on here, are here to better themselves. They have acknowledged that things don’t just happen to us all the time. To large degree, we are here today because of all of the choices we have made in our life up to this point. We have to hold ourselves accountable, to ourselves to start with, and this forum is a good way to hold ourselves accountable to others as well. When most people come to this forum, it is because they want to change things. They make an effort with the support of others, to better themselves. Hurt “dogs” or people with a gunshot wound, don’t walk into a hospital to sit around and bitch and moan about the bullet inside of them. They come reaching out for help. And plenty of people on here have offered advice, and plenty of encouragement. But when you get ridiculed instead for trying to help someone so “wounded”, I don’t this this someone is looking for help, or advice. Instead it seems to me he is here to tell every man on here who is lonely, single,. Etc. That you are simply too ugly. Because he thinks he is too ugly. I just don’t accept the fact that it’s okay for someone to come into a group where people are here to uplift each other. To offer support, to just listen. And just let someone completely shit over the purpose of the support group. And to ridicule the purpose. Some people create their own problems. I don’t see everyone else on here rejecting advice left and right. We are not a hospital however. And can not take away the rights of someone, and force treat their bullet wound. But I don’t think it helpful to anyone to let someone infest this place with such toxicity. If he is commenting on people’s posts who are new here, who are trying to help themselves. I’m sure he is running them off.
    And I imagine he didn’t just get suspended for no reason. I imagine the mods, or whoever has that power, has looked into it and deemed it necessary to suspend this account.
     
  2. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

    178
    538
    93
    “No amount of nofap, lifting, money, self improvement is gonna help you. We live in a shallow world wereelationships are looks dominated.“
    Another recent post of his. Now how is this helpful to hear for anyone in this community?
    What is an appropriate response to a post like this?
    Just wondering.
     
  3. You don't respond to the words. Just forget about all that other stuff. You have to target the source of the unhappiness. It can be fixed, but it requires patience.

    We have hardly even had a chance to hear 1% of his story. And he's been suspended for over a week because of people mass-reporting him for having a bad attitude. If I were him, I'd leave this forum and go back to incels.co, but that doesn't fix fuck-all. You said above that this is the place people come for help. He is asking for help - just not in a way that everyone can see. And even if he comes back on this thread and says, "no, I don't want help," I don't believe that for a second. Why would anyone care about quitting porn if they truly believe they are destined to fail in life? It doesn't add up.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2020
    need4realchg and Dexter Moran like this.
  4. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

    178
    538
    93
    Perhaps that is advice you should give to him. Forget about some crazy girls words. Have patience. Etc. I highly doubt he’ll respond positively at any point.
     
    FellatiousD likes this.
  5. I edited my post and added more stuff. And yes, I would tell him that. I have to tell myself that all the time and I still don't always adhere to it. But it's good advice. Words aren't the only way we communicate - and if we focus only on people's words, we are missing so much information.
     
    henryhill and Dexter Moran like this.
  6. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

    178
    538
    93
    I just don’t see it ending well. I don’t think he is asking for help. You can’t shove help down people’s throats. If they reject it over and over again. Maybe we should listen to them.
     
    FellatiousD likes this.
  7. Maybe. But I consider it my duty to help certain people, especially those I can relate to, like OP. I won't be able to help a beached whale back into the water by myself, but a lonely kid who I already have many things in common with? Sure, why not?
     
  8. You have defined the ethos of NoFap! We are in the business of helping each other. Not shaming and demeaning wounded souls. I hope our friend will re-engage with NoFap.
     
    need4realchg and FellatiousD like this.
  9. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

    178
    538
    93
    Hey power to ya my friend!
     
  10. I don’t know if you have ever been suspended but I was suspended (I thought wrongly ) the same time as he was for a post I made in June of 2019. They suspended me saying I was being mysoginist .

    I questioned the basis of the suspension and was not given a response. The suspension was reversed shortly thereafter

    Don’t assume because you are arrested you are guilty. Plenty of people are incorrectly accused and then not vindicated as they ought.
     
    kaylee time likes this.
  11. kaylee time

    kaylee time Fapstronaut

    178
    538
    93
    I get your point. You’re right on that.
     
  12. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    Just to be clear. He definitely was breaking rules. It isn't obvious at this point because the moderators have deleted a lot of his posts and the posts in which people responded to him.

    For example, he had jumped on one of my threads a few weeks ago and out of nowhere told one of the participants in the thread that his wife should cuck him with another man and then leave him for a chad.

    I direct messaged him and offered to help. He is hurting and like any hurting person deserves our support if he is willing to take it. But, he definitely was crossing the line with some of his posts. I hope he comes back to nofap or finds another venue where he can find some healing and growth. He seems like an intelligent person who is searching for truth, but is having a really difficult time dealing with failure.
     
  13. If he did say some inflammatory shit that violates the rules, then a suspension makes sense. It's a shame. You said it pretty well about him. NoFap can be really shitty because there's such a diverse range of ideas on here, for better and worse. But the ultimate theme is healing. Honestly this forum helped me a bit, but the real solution to personal problems is introspection. If you're spending all day on the internet, it's not much good if you don't take some action.

    It takes a while to get through to some people who are in need of help. A lot of people on this forum don't have the patience - I can understand that.
     
    henryhill, kaylee time and JustADude like this.
  14. Hi JustADude,
    I have never been suspended from NoFap. But I did come very close on one occasion. I had failed to see why Andhira had been suspended. I don't fully understand you post above. ( perhaps you are writing in a slang that an old guy like me does not understand) But it appears that Andhira was abusive to a fellow Fapstronaut. If this was the case then maybe it was right that he was suspended temporarily.

    However in my opinion the offence needs to be serious for this to be justified. I hope our comrade is allowed to rejoin. Above all he must want to re-engage with NoFap. If he chooses to do so I will raise the following points with him. Is he a perfectionist? Must he always succeed straightaway?

    If he answers in the affirmative then he needs to engage in intensive self work. This will transcend the assistance he gets via NoFap. A competent, not so easy to find, psychoanalyst would be vital! Let's wait and see what he decides to do.

    Take care everyone!
     
    FellatiousD and JustADude like this.
  15. LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

    If it has happened more than once then this is a problem with you, unfortunately. This isn't something girls do often i'm afraid, ghosting is a lot more common. With regards to the girl in this story, it sounds like you put her on a pedestal from the second you met her. Thinking she is 'the one' after a first date is also a little crazy. You found her insanely hot, that's all. Just because you both like games and eat the same stuff or whatever doesn't mean she is your soulmate.

    It sucks and I feel for you, I've been in the same boat. When I was 25 I met a cute 19 year old girl who I was crazy about. Got her number, we texted for a few days then met for a coffee, Everything went great. I offered to take her out at the weekend, she agreed. On the day she was all like 'can't wait to see you' then when we met she seemed distant and shy. I took her for a few drinks, she waited until I ordered before saying 'I don't feel like drinking'. i finished it quickly and said how about a coffee then, ' no'.. I said I knew a great restaurant nearby, you guessed it 'not hungry'.

    We settled for a movie and basically sat in silence for 2 hours while I wondered what I'd done wrong. Afterwards I made sure she got her bus and asked her to let me know she had gotten home safely, I got no text. A few days later in work I was talking to another girl, as friends, and caught her spying on me. She then started trying to be all nice to me again. Bat shit crazy! I later found out she was mentally unstable and had been self harming herself for months due her to ex, a Justin Bieber wannabee prick, dumping her.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2020
  16. Interesting! Why can't people be reasonably consistent? The saddest part is that you only really know a woman after she hurts or rejects you!
     
  17. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    So you can be in the know. In layman terms that means...
    His wife should force him to watch her have sex with another man (a.k.a. 'to cuck a man'). Then, divorce and leave him for a real man (a 'Chad' a.k.a. an alpha male). And, that statement was his first foray into the conversation, seemingly, nothing provoked it. I can only imagine that there were other threads with similar content.
     
    kaylee time and Dexter Moran like this.
  18. But we should try to consider what they might be going through as well, even if they hurt us. It's my opinion that @Andhira just needs more experience. I obsessed over my first girlfriend and spent hundreds of dollars on her, but then I realized it wasn't worth it because we were not really connecting in a significant way. I only wanted sex and that was the only reason I cared about her (not a healthy mindset) and she was not ready so we eventually split up. Now I understand that sex is not nearly as significant as I once thought - it's more about the relationship itself and the experiences you have together. Hopefully NoFap will help my friend realize this, but I am afraid it takes more than just that - he needs to go out and learn these things for himself.
     
    Dexter Moran and JustADude like this.
  19. LeeUK

    LeeUK Fapstronaut

    Yeah.. It was all her though so looking back it was nothing more than a learning curve. No way i'd put up with that crap on a first date nowadays.

    To think I paid for everything too because she was a broke teenager, didn't even get a thank you! :)
     
  20. Thank you for the explanation. I understand Adhira's suspension now. I had not read that particular post. It was uncalled for on his part. Nevertheless I hope he returns to NoFap. He seems like a lost soul in need of our community's support!
     
    kaylee time likes this.

Share This Page