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Just gonna spill it out publically

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by PhantomAssassin, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    I broke up with my girl almost 3 months ago, we haven't ever been apart for this long and it bothers me on a daily basis. We were together for two years, and we lived trough a lot. We were so different and this all made us a better couple. If i can imagine ourselves from third perspective I would be jealous.

    I Fed up, aka, i lied. For a lot of stuff, she didn't knew about nofap, she didn't knew about me cheating on her a 1.5 years ago. At once, I spilled it at her. Told her everything that i wanted to, I was 10000000% honest. She always wanted me to be honest and I decided to. She got angry ( of course ) she smashed the car and did something to her hand. We went to the hospital together, and after she was over things, SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED, we started looking ourselves dead in the eyes, and we couldn't take our eyes away from each other. For the first time, no lies, no secrets, just PURE SOULS connecting. This lasted a while, we started kissing and it was so genuine, so truly, so pure. After that we got to the hospital (finally) and she had her hand fixed.

    Two days after she cheated on me, and said we should brake up. I get it, revenge. Hurted me a ton, still hurts but i get it.


    Days and days after that we kept seeing each other. We were closer and purer than ever. Of course she was distant and careful. HOW COULDN'T SHE BE? But we were true.


    Then one day, after we haven't met in 5-6 days I called her to meet. She agreed but not really, not in that true, pure form. I knew there was something. The day we had to meet she canceled it. Broke me again. She said it would be better for us to never meet again....


    We met, unintentionally, at a poker table with friends. She was no longer pure, she was no longer honest, she was cold, distant, and angry at me for some reason. She didn't talk to me when I did. The only thing she was saying was: "Shut up" , "I dont remember asking you" etc. I held strong, I didn't change my behavior towards her I treated her attitude like it is, not moral- A JOKE. I was joking, on the inside I was crying. I decided to ask her why THE F is she behaving like that She answered:
    "After swearing that you are going to be honest with me, you lied again"

    WHAT?! WHEN? FOR WHAT DID I LIED (i lost my composure there and i was no longer joking)

    "I know some stuff"

    ???????????
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN GIRL?

    "I told you i know some stuff, you are not honest with me"

    I decided that i should cut it there, and played the poker ignoring her existence.
    Now days i write for her, she's my muse. I have an instagram page where I post everything that I write for her. She saw a lot of them since I purposely followed her so she can find about me. I text her from time to time and today in the morning after I texted her she called... Again she was acting cold.

    "Why are you sending me messeges, dont you see that I leave you unseen???"

    And what?

    *She ends the call*

    My day was beautiful because it started with her call. But so what, im still lonely in the end of the day, i still crave for her. I still want her and I still miss her.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2020
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  2. Zapy97

    Zapy97 Fapstronaut

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    I haven’t dated since Highschool did a little under 2 years in the Army, almost decided to kill myself a couple times. I got out of the Army but I am still lonely. Just don’t waste your energy on her. You need to be better than her. Do everything you can to let go of her. It’s hard but hardship isn’t as painful as holding on. Like porn cut her out of your life. She has demonstrated that she doesn’t want you. You can’t win her back and if you could it would certainly not be worth it.

    Now my advice for dealing with loneliness can be summarized as finding activities that are social or deal with loneliness in a shared way. In practice it can be going to community events or becoming part of a club or volunteer organization. I came back home to my childhood church (not pushing religion but if you are so inclined they can be really supportive.) I go to a church small group of people in my age group sometimes I feel like a pariah but there are some amazingly kind people who seem to be able to see that I am hurting and they encourage me. I donate blood as often as I can and I have become a volunteer firefighter. Another way I deal with being lonely is listening to music. It is all about taste but I love some classic Johnny Cash and I mean some of the really old stuff. A lot of it deals with the heartaches of a breakup and it certainly has helped me in my times of pain. If you want some suggestions on individual songs I would be more than happy to make suggestions.

    I Hope all this helps you in your time of need. Would you mind if I prayed for you in my tradition?
     
  3. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    I would be thankful if you pray for me if your prayers are for my best. Even tho my beliefs are probably really different i will be thankful.

    Otherwise I am not going to try and get over her just because her signs are mixed up and complicated. Why would she bother calling me to stop texting her instead of just blocking me? Stuff like that makes me question her intentions and I really want to see how this unwraps.

    It is easy to forget someone and not be lonely, the hard part is to start doing it
     
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  4. Bro i was with my ex for 4 years! I helped her get through her phobia of driving, I was there when she graduated college, when she got her citizenship, we would travel everywhere do everything Everyone thought we would get married. I once fucked up & got arrested for shrooms but I took care of that on my own, I was a us resident at the time & shrroms is a deportable offense so if there was a chance I’d get deported I asked if she wanted to marry she said that’s not how she wants marriage lol I said ok & I fought the case & was cleared for citizenship. Regardless that was probably the biggest hurdle we went through. On our last year together I was still on my purpose I got a new career, I completed a 40 day water only fast, and I was in the final stages to become a citizen. I was lean, driven, & focused. A month after my fast she broke up with me.

    I could not believe it, I tried to get her back but when I found out she was talking to another guy, I completely cut off all contact. Her sister even told me that she had gone out with another Her own sister backed me up over her, Her family would ask me to come over even when I wasn’t speaking to her. But fuck no Still refused cut her & everything about her completely off.
    It was fucking tough!

    1 month later after I cut off all contact I was still in shape I was physically well & I ended up hooking up & dating for 5 months a fresh out of college d1 athlete of a dime! But I was still suffering from the break up. Not only would I have hook up with the new chick, I was heavy on pmo, heavy on weed, & binge eating. I felt like I no longer had a purpose I would have anxiety attacks I would break down a couple times a week some weeks everyday i was struggling at work Just depressed Negative negative negative I felt so lost I was literally having suicidal thoughts. I really don’t know how I managed to date that young chick for 5 months but I was sick!!!!!!!! I’ve never felt anything like it. I would PM during work sometimes multiple times cause I felt so shitty Then when I’d get home I’d smoke a joint or 2 then I’d eat if I were for a family of 4 & on the days that I’d plan to hang out with the young chick I would avoid smoking or eating like that & try to avoid pmo Some dates Beforehand I would pmo & smoke & then hae sex with her then I’d go home pmo smoke & eat! I was lost confused My mind was shattered My soul was broken!

    8 months later after my 4 year relationship, I am just now beginning to taste the flavor of food!!!! Literally like last week for the first time since July of 2019 I am feeling hopeful I am feeling positive. My purpose is coming back to me & I am feeling like I am coming together again. I’m doing better at work now But I’ve gained a significant amount of weight & im always out of breath. My pelvic floor is in pain. But I am a week strong of No weed No PMO & No Binge Eating! & I don’t have any urges of relapsing My mind is slowly coming together as if a ray of light entered just a peek but regardless It’s the best I’ve felt since that July. I’m beginning to create a routine & trying to become more disciplined & I am making goals with the intent and positivity of actually completing them.

    Keep Spilling it out Talk about it write about let it all out Try to do it in the most productive ways Use that energy you have to release all that pain onto something amazing! Stay on your purpose, even when you feel lost Try to keep busy Feel everything you are going through Feel as shitty as you can Feel it just lay there on the cold floor where ever whenever you feel like crap & jus don’t move & feel that pain because just as she left so will the pain & you’ll become stronger than the pain.

    “wherever the devil cannot go, he will send a women”
     
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  5. Don’t be a beta or a cuck Own your shit & conquer
     
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  6. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    THIS IS SO STRONG. I AM... AND I WISH I CAN DO IT MORE OFTEN

    I got tears reading this reply and I love you right now, i think if i saw you in this moment i would've probably kissed you.

    I am feeling the pain, I am writing about the pain, I am entering the cold shower while it is freezing with the pain cuz i dont feel the cold this way. Yester day I was laying on my bed just letting the pain move in my body, let me tell you, the pain is FUEL. A dangerous fuel.

    Respect for the strength.
    Its a cycle.... I am guilty of smoking and not doing prouctive stuff too. When im high i dont feel the pain, I dont got the fuel....

    KEEP IT THE F**K UP (censoring since an admin contacted me for this post's language)
    And thats about everything a man loves about women.
     
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  7. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut


    In the end of the day, we should focus on ourselves and move forwards. We gotta have big egos and never look back. Close the book, end the chapter. If the book is worth maybe one day we'll continue reading it, if not then its not meant to be. There is love elsewhere, maybe we're not going to experience it right away. But maybe we should experience self love before?!
     
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  8. Stay on your purpose and you’ll grow to love yourself everyday That no woman will ever break you again
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 6, 2020
  9. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    You won’t find rational in irrational behavior, don’t even try.
    I think she wants to continue with her life while for you she wants to stalk her, beg her, etc. That’s her irrational revenge, don’t do such thing to yourself.
     
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  10. Wow i jus noticed this alert, every day is a fight & for someone like me who has always been introverted & never had many friends to being with a girl for 4 years tore me apart. I think my rough childhood def hardened me for it though. But she def broke my soul, brought back a lot of childhood trauma A lot of suicidal thoughts It’s painful Everyday is painful for me but I know and am understanding myself better that I know more about myself than I ever did & that just makes me stronger & I know there’s more to me than just this. I love you too man no homo but stay on your purpose & if you do plan on getting back out there once you get off nofap. This is something that helped me too.

    heal yourself first like no pmo!
    Find your purpose Stay on it!
    Figure out which pill you want to take,
    (Blue pill(beta,simp) Red pill(just dating all around) purple pill(looking to settle aka not cheating))
    Create an abundance mindset with women. Have a rotation, roster Just go back out there and start lining them up.
    & depending on the pill you want to take Figure out how you want to pursue.
     
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  11. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    @Washwaverr accept and embrace the pain, no pain killers aka numbing (pmo, alcohol, weed, video games, fantasizing, music binge ...), it would hurt you so bad but you would love it, just go through no matter what
    And for her say inside ‘go f*ck yourself’ (maybe with time you will also forgive her)
     
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  12. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    !!!!
     
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  13. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    F*ck her. I was a beta cuck and called her. Thought i was doing it cuz I want to face my fear of rejection. But really I was just a pu**y and just missed her. (that was two days ago) Yester day she sent me a message with some old chats. She titled those "Reminder of why I dont want you to disturb me" Then she blocked me. YEAH. Live with the old me inside your head. Her perception of me is so wrong and it wont get better. Im letting her think whatever she wants. I shouldn't prove myself! Believe what she wants imma work on my shit at grow from it. F*uck her!
     
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  14. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    You have to be ALONE in this fucking world. Trust NO ONE!
     
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  15. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

  16. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

  17. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

    Fuck you for your revenge! Fuck you for your betrayal!
     
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  18. Free your mind

    Free your mind Fapstronaut

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    Stupid chicks. We should somehow stop focusing on them, they dont deserve it.
     
    Washwaverr likes this.
  19. Lol man up Stay on your purpose
     
  20. PhantomAssassin

    PhantomAssassin Fapstronaut

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