Addiction and the lies that come with it

Hello there,

I started my recovery by lying to my significant other about being in recovery. I thought that I could just do the reboot myself and give her lip service about my participation in a recovery group. However, I got caught and then started to actually participate in nofap. Then I just stopped because I didn’t understand the need for community in recovery.

So now I’m back. I am an addict, It’s been two months since I last used pornography or masturbated. I’m following a PM reboot as I allow O’s to come from my significant other when they come about (pun intended).

The one thing that troubles me is being open about my addiction. It’s very embarassing and shameful in my mind. I don’t want to be public about it and I don’t want to be open about it. I’ve read numerous books about sex addiction and can actually identify as a sex addict. I just need to get back into the community and sharing my trials and tribulations with other people that can relate to me and my addiction.

I have been reading the forum posts and I know that with a dedication to abstince and keeping up with the community that I will be able to lead a happy and fullfilling life without porn in it.

Thank you for existing and thank you for participating.

 

It has been. I've got a book about guiding couples through overcoming a sex addiction, if both parties want that.

My lies were mainly driven by my shame of my addiction. I know this forum is pretty annonymous, but I still feel shame in myself.
I'm determined to stick with it now.

 

Shame as in what I feel about not having control of my addiction. I don't want to split hairs here, but the shame does lead to guilt. So I guess it would be both.

I'm doing the reboot and I'm about two-thirds through it. Abstaining hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be and I feel better about myself each day I put another day of the away in keeping true to myself.

 

I have been looking at porn since before I was a teenager and now I'm just a few years shy of being 40. PIED is something that I denied affected me, but now that I've made a concerted effort to abstain and reboot I know that I was just in denial about it.

Being "clean" now for a little over two months has been a truly eye opening event in my life.

I truly believe that I am a porn addict and I'm not just giving my SO lip service about it. My addiction has caused so much pain and turmoil I feel horrible about myself. I'm trying to get better, but I've never really liked 12 step processes.

I'm relying on nofap to be there to help me through my recovery and reading books about my addiction to get a better understanding of what and how this addiction is effecting me and my loved ones.

I intend to stick to it, it's just harder than I thought it would be. Usually when things get hard for me I give up. I'm not going to give up, I'm going to get better by learning as much as I can and leaning on the community for help on my journey to recovery.