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HOCD, Please read

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Dreko229, Mar 10, 2020.

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  1. Mar 10, 2020 #1
    Dreko229

    Dreko229 Fapstronaut

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    So ive been going through what i think is HOCD (i match up with all the Symptoms). All my life ive looked at myself without a doubt being STRAIGHT, now i dont know if society has gotten into my mind at a young age and that ive programmed my mind subconsciously without eve knowing but i now damn well that i was so happy and always wanted a wife and kids one day. Im a 16 year old male and im worrying that puberty is showing me some hidden/secret self, Could this be the case??, The thing i dont get is why i get these wierd feelings without a lot of anxiety, like yesterday i intentionaly thought of a women in bed with me and i got happy and a warm feeling and ofcourse then i got the thought of a man, I didnt get that much anxiety from i but i worried and it sucks. I also dont know if im bi (i dont want people commenting "its ok to be bi" or "Being bi gives you two options" no no no no I DONT want 2 options i only want to be attracted to girls) No i know you can want stuff but you dont always get what you want and man does this scare me (wanting to be straight but im not). I dont know if im insanly deep in the closet or so scared to come out that i dont realize it or something like that. Its really sad because before i was so comefortable in my skin and didnt worry about JACKFUCKING SHIT of my sexuaality and knew i was straight, Now, not so much anymore. Ive fapped like crazy since i was 10 and maybe porn and fapping is then problem or maybe not, really hope it is. Ive lost the drive to be with women and what sucks is that i dont really care, and this destroys me. I feel kinda numb and its making me think im bi,

    I dont know if ill ever go back to my self where i loved myself and didnt worry about this or that im bi and deep in the closet and dont know. I dont know if ive been subconsciously been bi my whole life wihtout a clue or if its all thsi shit is HOCD.

    Thank you whoever reads this reallllllllly appreciate you.
     
    Dreko229, Mar 10, 2020
    Dreko229, Mar 10, 2020
    #1
  2. Mar 10, 2020 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Deleted Account, Mar 10, 2020
    Deleted Account, Mar 10, 2020
    #2
  3. Mar 11, 2020 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    This is what I think: If you are currently using porn, then you cannot tell if you are naturally attracted to men. If you stop porn for a few months and find yourself attracted to men, I would say you are attracted to men. If you stop for a few months and are not attracted to men, then you are not attracted to men.

    In my case, in the past I looked at gay porn sometimes. I was not extremely disturbed by it, but it was confusing. I also noticed that I was never attracted to men in real life. One time when I stopped looking at porn for 100 or so days, I lost all interest in that type of porn (and other types) and was just interested in women in real life. Since I was not interested in it after being of of porn for a while, it means I don't have a real attraction to men. It was just due to porn escalation.
     
    Deleted Account, Mar 11, 2020
    Deleted Account, Mar 11, 2020
    #3
    vad likes this.
  4. Mar 12, 2020 #4
    Penninesandcheviots

    Penninesandcheviots Fapstronaut

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    You are 100% experiencing HOCD and here is my advice to you. Do not feed it, if you feed it, it simply won't go away. When your obsessive thoughts come, do not feed compulsions like "thinking about women" because that just fuels the cycle. Your compulsions will give you temporary relief but your brain is already panicking.

    What you need to do, is acknowledge that these thoughts are stupid, and move on. Don't try and fight thoughts with more thoughts. You don't beat fire with more fire.

    Also, do not research, at the height of my HOCD, I spent literal DAYS researching on the internet, all it did was give my brain more material to panic over. It will be hard ignore the urge to research and ignore the compulsions, and it might feel counter-intuitive in the beginning, but this is the tried and tested way of getting over any OCD condition, definitely including HOCD.

    If you wanna chat about it feel free to message me on here, trust me I was in your position just a couple weeks ago. Good luck man,it WILL fade. Don't worry :)
     
    Penninesandcheviots, Mar 12, 2020
    Penninesandcheviots, Mar 12, 2020
    #4
    Baowistop likes this.

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