Scared of becoming Incel

You know, this sounds like getting a job. If you are inexperienced, you don't get one. If you don't get a job, you don't accrue experience. Perhaps we need to start treating our own life as a start-up? We should be invested in it more than anything else, wouldn't we?

I struggle with it, even though I do manage to get past this same situation every now and then. One thing I have come to realise is that by making our happiness contingent on the presence or absence of another person in our lives, we lose our independence. I would know because I have not had a girlfriend yet, and have been rejected twice, once quite harshly. That said, where I am from, pre-marital conjugal relationships are not common, so unless I do get married, which I hope I do, I would remain a virgin. For now, I am going to keep it as something I want, but till then, I would love to become someone I could respect, and not be ashamed of, restructure and refurbish my life, get real friends, and a better job. Selfish motives, I know, but the alternative is self-pity and being scared, which isn't appetising.

Baby steps, I think.

 

Not selfish at all. Wise words sir

 

Remember no one is happy 100% all the time, accept the lows and move on.

 

if you are a virgin, you are an incel sadly

 

Well... I was a virgin, until I wasn’t.

 

Always first to do is to get CALM . As empire is not build in a day, it is not fully demolished in a day, never . You need time to change, if you really willing to put in the work .

Patience .

Love you . Much love .

 

Ok, you don’t necessarily have to avoid women like the plague, as you put it. There’s no need to take extreme measures in either direction. Not too hot, not too cold..... juuuust right

Think of it this way: Without oxygen, you would die. Too much oxygen, you would also die. Turns out, we are most comfortable right around 21% of this substance. See where I’m going with this? The point is to achieve a good level of moderation in all aspects of life. Extremes get you into trouble. Like your title expressing fears of becoming an incel. That’s a pretty extreme fear to have. Odds are you’re not nearly there yet. You had a breakup, you’re down and depressed, and feeling lonely and worthless. We all go through it, man! Doesn’t make it easier, I know. But the fact remains: You can’t control how the wind blows. But you can definitely control that tiller! Your ship sails as you command, and we on this forum can be your able-bodied crew! You’ll get through this!

Keep a weather eye, mate

 

Recommendations:

Get rid of tinder for sure. I mean has anyone really developed a meaningful relationship with someone there?

Also, you need to look at what really makes up someone’s worth. I can tell you right now you’re not worthless however you need to know that personally. Is having sex what makes someone worthy? No it’s not. But you need to believe it. If you saw a homeless person would you say in your mind “what a worthless...” if you would you need to change your way of thinking. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Then give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

Look around at people you know and determine where their value comes from. It’s not from if they’re in a relationship or successful or whatever.

If you want to be good and are trying to be good you are already well on your way. Don’t give up and don’t
Beat yourself up! You’re awesome already, so just work on being more awesome.

 

You don't need women to be happy. If you can't be happy by yourself, you are not going to be happy with another person. Learn to enjoy your life by yourself. Godspeed bro

 

Incel is involuntary celibate. If you are not having sex by choice then you are voluntarily celibate and therefore not an incel.Not all virgins are actively looking for or wanting sex.

 

Whenever you invest in another person for happiness, you end up disappointed. I end up that way often in relationships.

The other person is usually only looking out for their interests, not yours.

I'm on the dating sites, I met a girl a while ago who played games and walked away when I got hurt.

It hurts, but I know that I have myself as a priority.

 

You're up against some pretty fucking handsome guys on dating apps who steal your chance to even talk to a chick. Fuck, even 7/10 (attractiveness rating) guys would probably have trouble scoring a chick on tinder. It's the same on the girls end too, the uglier/average looking girls would typically be ignored by a lot of guys first glance as all the guys would just be focusing on the hotter girls. You're probably better off just trying to score a girlfriend in person.