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Urges become uncontrollable

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by primo19, Mar 17, 2020.

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  1. Mar 17, 2020 #1
    primo19

    primo19 Fapstronaut

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    I started this new, life changing streak 77 days ago, in New Years Eve, when I was lying in bed and watching TV. In the same time my all friends was having fun on a party. I remember that moment good. Feeling like looser, no girlfriend, no real motivation to do anything, just existing. I told myself - "This year is going to be MY year". To this day I haven't found any serious triggers, I wasn't even thinking about relapse, and watching porn again. I survived major flatline, but still social anxiety is within me, I'm still feeling awkward in public, still doesn't have that confidence to hit to that girl I always think is cute, still in fear to get driving license. It is nearly 80 days... I never came that far. But now I'm in doubt. What if is too deep? Maybe it's all pointless...

    Today I hit the final point. I was home alone, last night texting kinda filthy with one girl, feeling extremely horny. Horny to that point I cannot control myself. I was literally holding my dick in hand and I knew that if I will do this now I will probably destroy everything I've build to that point. I won. In time smashed myself right into face, went to bathroom, look in the mirror thinking "What the fuck are you doing". All day I was hasitate what to do... Relapse or keep going clean throught this year. It was a point where I was planning excatly when I will take shower, go to bed and watch some porn before sleep. "Just this one time". I'm just frustrated with my life. Everyone say - wait till 100 days, anxiety will pass, but I'm just scared that it will not go away.

    I have motivation to keep going though. I'm big fan of The Walking Dead series, love Rick Grimes character, I always wanted to be just like him. Brave, musculine and so on. I knew that I can be like that by getting rid of PMO from my life. I was thinking, what will Rick do in that situation? He would just grab dick and after 77 succesfull days destroy all progress? Of course not, he would fight this like a fucking horde of zombies. I don't know if this is a final test before the 90 day mark, but I'm closer to end that never before...
     
    primo19, Mar 17, 2020
    primo19, Mar 17, 2020
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  2. Mar 17, 2020 #2
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  3. Mar 17, 2020 #3
    FY_33

    FY_33 Fapstronaut

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    That's why i wont date or flirt with women again before married. Horny while no girl around really sucks and forced to M to tame the urge-_-
     
    FY_33, Mar 17, 2020
    FY_33, Mar 17, 2020
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  4. Mar 17, 2020 #4
    Strong.men

    Strong.men Fapstronaut

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    Bro don't worry its all withdrawal symptoms and one time you will face it and they are gone and when they are gone your life is amazing don't scare relapse is a part of journey and don't do it again and avoid triggers.. 77 days amazing streak ..
     
    Strong.men, Mar 17, 2020
    Strong.men, Mar 17, 2020
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  5. Mar 17, 2020 #5
    manshadow

    manshadow Fapstronaut

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    I have the situation quite similar to you. I exercise a lot, looking for cheap stock, and write script making youtube videos recently

    but I still have Urges before sleep time.

    Consider we are both 70days up. Why not just wait for 90days or 120days milestone and see what happen?
     
    manshadow, Mar 17, 2020
    manshadow, Mar 17, 2020
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  6. Mar 18, 2020 #6
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    Change your mentality if you want to last. There’s nothing magical about 90 or 100 days, I’ve hit it several times and relapsed over and over.
    Those are just guidelines to basically say, ok now you’ve begun.
    If you still see porn as an option, your going to give yourself permission in a weak moment to do it.
    Every day is day 0. Forget about your streak immediately. Every single day is day 0. Only then do you have a chance at lasting success. In my opinion
     
    Deleted Account, Mar 18, 2020
    Deleted Account, Mar 18, 2020
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  7. Mar 18, 2020 #7
    thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    This is true to some extent. I think the number of days is a guideline, other than you need to probably get to day 30 minimum before you start trying to rewire. Anything else just treat the situation as a new starting point. Learn to rewire so you solve pied and time with women etc. Try to engage with people more to change your social outlook. Use the free time to do something constructive that you can focus on longterm etc. Overall, you come out a healthy person with goals to achieve.
     
    thikk, Mar 18, 2020
    thikk, Mar 18, 2020
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  8. Mar 18, 2020 #8
    Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut
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    Change your thinking. Forget analogies about battles, fighting, or becoming some kind of champion. That kind of thinking results in a winner/loser kind of attitude.
    Resolve to be just a little better. Resolve to just try a little harder. Resolve to respect yourself just a little more.
     
    Ogikubo, Mar 18, 2020
    Ogikubo, Mar 18, 2020
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