Sissy fetish, really fucking me up. Help

Here is a support group that could help: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?groups/recovering-from-sissy-porn.47/forums

 

It's a humiliation fetish which isn't the same as being gay. Please see a thread in my profile. If you try the method please say if it worked.

 

Look, there is no easy, risk free solution here. You are deep into weird stuff and this can end your relationship, with lots of drama and broken souls. You are already risking it all for a virtual kick.

If you want to get out of this situation, you need to first quit p. Not for some time, but forever. After some time (years) you're like 'Why the hell did I ever think I needed that?". So eventually it is not a loss but a relief.

Secondly, you need to develop a natural sexuality with your partner. In this oversexed world, that's not easy. We all think we know what we want and what 'normal' is. But we all have (secret) desires and do get bored when doing the same thing too often. It's okay to consensually experiment a little. Step by step you will find things you do and do not like, and things you thought you would like but in reality .. does not work.

Beware of you p doped mind. It takes a long time for those feelings and images to dissipate. They are the wrong kind of experiments.

 

@PaulPaul said it very well . . . you have to stop looking at P (and stop fantasising about this) and over time, it will dissipate.
I, too, have struggled with a sissy fetish and other fetishes centred around emasculation. Many life events contributed to this but I really snapped when my girlfriend

Spoiler: trigger Warning

had sex with 3 other men right after breaking up with me and told me that they were all much better endowed and she could never be satisfied with me after that.

In truth, what hurt most was my broken heart, but my porn infused mind responded by getting sexually aroused by this and by my own emasculation.
I was so insanely aroused

Spoiler: Trigger Warning

that I masturbated 5 times when she told me this and I compulsively masturbated at work whenever I thought of it

that I thought that this must be what life is really about. It might sound insane to other people, but to me I imagined if this fantasy gives me so much arousal that it blots out any other feelings I might have, then maybe it is my destiny to be a sissy and a cuckold and I spent years trying to turn my fantasy into reality. I had identified with my fantasy.
Flash forward: over a decade goes by without any successful, meaningful relationships and I finally had to do the scariest thing ever and let go of this fantasy so that I might find out who the real me is.

Yes, it is true - if I stopped masturbating and looking at porn my sexual energy would often build up to the point where I felt like I might explode and my sissy/cuck fantasies seemed to get stronger and stronger. It is a bumpy road at first.
*In order for me to get better, I had to let go of the whole addiction, not just parts of it.*
Otherwise, my arousal would just build up until I relapsed.
For me, that meant getting rid of all my porn (magazines, videos and digital files) and everything (including panties, clothing, toys, books, erotica, art, movies and books) that related to my fantasy.

I have been on a similar path and I can say now that it does get better if you stay away from it.
It's really pretty simple. You're either feeding into this fantasy or you're not. Stop feeding it.

For you and your gf's sake, I hope that you can stop feeding it. And I would highly suggest looking into a 12 step program for sex addiction like SLAA, SAA, SA or SCA.

Good luck!

 

I made this post in another thread that dealt with fetishes and desiring them to go away:

1. You've created an association between arousal and some fetish
2. Over time the strength of these connections becomes more powerful than connections for "normal" sexuality
3. When you abstain, the connections for this fetish begin to weaken
4. At this point you need to strengthen the connections you have for normal sexuality
5. Although it is true that the connections will always be there, they will be so weak that you won't notice them

I can relate this to my experience having quit smoking weed. I decided to quit because it started giving me extremely bad anxiety. It took me about 3 years to finally quit starting in 2012. Over the course of the last 4.5 years since quitting, I got to the point where I really had no desire to smoke. I thought about smoking maybe once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. However, it was always a few seconds thought and I'd just move on thinking, "yeah I don't want to do that." When I talked to people about smoking it would honestly just be reminiscing about the funny experiences I had, but there was never any real desire to smoke weed.

During the Christmas before this most recent one I decided to smoke weed, so at that point I had gone roughly 2 years without smoking. Immediately I became anxious. I said I didn't want to smoke again. That was that, didn't think anything of it. Then that summer came along and my friends were smoking a hybrid strain that had more CBD, and thus less anxiety. I thought you know what I'm hanging out with friends let's decide to smoke. I smoked again. Anxiety again. Finally decided to smoke weed that was just CBD over last Christmas break and even with no THC and only CBD I became extremely anxious. I know that no matter what strain it will be, I just don't want it because I just don't mix well with it.

Throughout all that time, I never had the URGE to smoke weed. It wasn't something I had a craving for ever. Now, I'm at a point where I just don't want to smoke it. I had the thought of smoking a couple days ago, and like before I just thought, "I don't want to do that," and moved on.

I have no idea if your fetishes will be like that. No idea at all. However, I think it probably will be something very similar. You'll remember that you used to watch them and think, "that's not really for me." Then you'll move on and not think about it for weeks. After a certain number of years you may even forget that you ever watched it unless someone talks about that fetish or you hear about it somewhere else. You've probably experienced this with shows you used to watch as a kid. Someone mentions it and you're like, "holy shit yeah! I used to love that show! I haven't thought about it in years!" That's what your fetish will be like.

This can also serve as supplemental reading:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/the-ultimate-guide-for-dealing-with-libido-loss.268911/

Also, check out my journal at the link below my profile picture. On Day Three I have a post on dealing with HOCD that is very relevant to your issues.

 

No, that is never going to work. This is a masochistic fetish which is only caused by low serotonin levels and another cause is a parasite called toxoplasma gondii.

 

Neuroscientists who have spent their entire lives studying the brain do not have the knowledge to make a statement like this. I'm sorry my friend, but this is simply a statement of falsehood even if it turns out to be true.

 

Those are the causes, please see the links in my profile. There is no science behind saying nofap will cure masochism.

 

If you send me the links I'll definitely read them, but I'm not going through your profile trying to find the posts you've made about this topic.

And secondly, be very careful about science. I love science, I think it's one of our best tools for understanding reality, if not the best tool, but it is just a tool and as such, is limited. Anything science has answered, is by definition only the things that it has asked about, and many of the things it has asked about, aren't understood completely. Making a definitive statement such as the one you've made, about something as complex as human sexuality is just not possible. Yes, perhaps you're right, perhaps masochism is caused by lowered serotonin levels, but lower serotonin levels do not happen in some isolated system without any other factors.

For example, we know that the amount estrogen in female rats dictates which cognitive navigational system they use in solving a maze. The same thing is found in female humans, yet the reverse pattern is shown. Why is that? We don't know yet. That is currently the limit at which science can say anything about how estrogen influences navigation both in female rats and female humans. We know it plays a role, but we know nothing else about the related factors and they relate to estrogen to produce behavioural change.

What we do know is that the, "connections," associated with certain fetishes can diminish over time in some people and that is why the fetishes disappear. I put connections in quotes because connections is a very loose term that can mean any number of things. It can mean the literal network of neurons and how they connect within the brain, but it can also mean which neurotransmitters are predominantly speaking together within that network, it can mean the amount of myelination in that network, it can mean the number of receptors on each membrane and how that differs from presynapse to postsynapse, and a number of other things. We simply do not know exactly what all the factors are that are involved in, "diminishing connections," let alone how these factors work together to actually create the qualitative experience of human sexuality. This is the hard problem of consciousness. We know only enough to know how little we actually know.

 

Sorry, they're in a thread in my profile. My statements are correct so I'm not going to beat around the bush as some of the fetishes can make you suicidal and you can only get medication if the fetish is deemed life-threatening.

 

If what you stated was true then those who suffer from this fetish wouldn't be aroused by it when feeling good, having a serotonin-spike. Unfortunately that is not the case. While the origin of this kind of fetish could reside in low serotonin levels in SOME cases, the neuronal pathways still remain after the chemicals gets balanced and the only way to fix that is nofap. So be careful with your statements in this website because many people use it with therapeutic means and even if you were right you could be doing a lot of harm.

 

I've done a lot of research into this since late last year. Forgive me, but you don't know what you're talking about.

 

Wow, there have been random control trials and systematic reviews into Sissy fetishes?? And they found that they are caused by neurotransmitter deficits?? This is amazing stuff.

 

Not specifically into certain fetishes but into paraphilias and sexual behaviours. Please see the links in my thread if interested. Although one was done specifically on foot fetishes.

 

Very interesting! Yes, I can see how a neurotransmitter imbalance would definitely affect mood and impulses as the evidence you quote suggests. I see you used a cognitive/ behavioural approach to change your behaviour(the swearing technique.I have used something similar for ignoring psychotic voices. Well done.

 

I'm sorry but you are too quick to say I don't know what I'm talking about. You say fetishes can only be originated by a previous imbalance in the brain, and while this can be true in some cases, you are missing something out. Porn addiction is essentialy dopamine addiction. And as with any addiction, you will experience tolerance. So when you get used to vanilla porn, the dosage you get of this molecule is not enough and you progressively start goig into weirder and more stimulating types of porn. This is backed by many scientific studies so saying I'm wrong is basically going against all neuroscientist, psychologicst, addiction theurapist, etc. Maybe in your case this was true, and I'm glad you found a cure for your imbalance, but please stop spreading that abstaining from a fetish will not help because someone who is in the process of rebooting might believe it and go back to feeding it. If you discovered empirical evidence that the basis of addiction treatment that are applied from porn to heroin are wrong, then this is not the place to spread it.